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Obstacles in Modern Relationships: Sex with guest Mike

Okay, so we've been joking a little bit. Uh, we had a great soundtrack going this morning. Let's talk about sex, baby. Just a warning. I know that my Children watch creativelive Okasha said that too soon. Uh, that comes on the radio. I couldn't even do anything about that. Just a warning. If you're watching this with your Children were not going to go crazy. We're gonna dip our toes into PCI 13 land in the next topic. So it's, you know, they want to clear the room. If you want to switch to a mobile devise, lock yourself in the closet. It's a really good discussion, but I do want to throw up a warning flag. Okay, so, um, obstacle number two s e X sex. This comes up so frequently by everybody's standard Onda again. You're gonna see this obstacle after obstacle about obstacle. It's not the thing. It's how we can't talk about it. It's how we can't share it with each other. It's how we don't know, because of all the feelings we have about vulnerability and inadequacy and discomfort. What do...

you mean by that? What do you mean by that? What do you mean that you mean by that that builds up between us, that it's just too hard. So sex? No, no sex at its root in a committed relationship can be can be viewed as a celebration of connection. That's what it can be. That's what many believe it should be, and that's what many do experience. But as Mae West once said, sex is emotion in action, and I think what's wonderful about that is if the actions happening, but not the emotion. You have all kinds of problems, especially in a committed relationship where you feel emotionally connected. In all other ways. Sex has a lot to do with vulnerability expectations. If something's awkward or unsatisfying, how do we talk about it? If we say the wrong things, we make it so much worse. I mentioned about money that you don't talking for the A T M machine. Well, you don't talk about this in the actual bed or back of the car. Whatever's happening for you. There's also the issue of frequency and quality of level of emotional availability people. Yesterday we talked about degrees of trust people that you trust with everything in the world. You can't trust to look into their eyes when you're having that emotional experience, that kind of experience, it's There's a lot here is very interesting. But when you strip everything away, no pun intended at the root of it we're talking about How do we talk about it and better understand each other an empathetic way that supports each other, and it doesn't become combative. Joining me now to help us talk about this is my stressed Mike Rust Tosti. I hope I'm saying that, correct. Um, a dating coach, Come on. Is dating coach and an expert in this field, you usually focus on working with men. Correct. Tell us really quick before we kick off a little bit about you where people can find out more about you. Yeah. So I'm ah, Micro Stotsky. I am a life coach for high performing men. Help men master there relationships with their women and their work. You can find me at ross Toschi dot com. It's h r o s t o s k I. And super happy to be here. I was actually in the audience for Pam Slims creativelive thing less than 48 hours ago, and Tamar and I started talking and she said they won't You come on the show. So I'm here. It's perfect too, because, um, by the way, my next flight for this all right way, We're not scheduled, and we're not going back to schedule program yet while way So this might said it perfectly were downstairs chatting. We just finished the workshops, and and I was saying about this course and Kanneh was like, I just this guy, Mike. And this is what he dies. That's wonderful, because I can only go so deep into talking about this, and you do this for a living. So I would love to hear from you what you find to be when we say sex is an obstacle for people. What that means to you, what you see in your practice. All right. Um So So I would say so before I talk about anything. The meaning of life, of the purpose of life. Or just if you get these two things right, everything flows into your life. So one just be impeccable with your word. I mean, just complete integrity. That's something that I strive to do that that's what I bring to my coaching clients. And that's why they pay me lots of money. Because when I help them show up like that, you know they can open a pinto love or I mean, they just crush it in their in their business, right on down. Just love unconditionally. So our greatest teachers, our parents and our Children, we can't fire them. I just heard you talking about toxic relationships. So, you know, I've pretty much cut everyone out of my life Who Who doesn't energize me? But, you know, with their you know, parents and Children and the numbers, you can't do that. And you have to stay open when they're, you know, like one my partner, if she's crying or angry at me, and so, yeah, if you can get those two things right, then everything just kind of flows from there. Yes, I believe in that. Eso when you feel like you haven't gotten all that right yet or you get a rate sometimes but you fall down other times like I was so enlightened for three days in a row. But now I'm tired and I'm hungry and I'm frustrated and this isn't working, or it's a combination of were here and everything should be fine. But my mind is a 1,000,000 miles away, and this is just a problem. And I'm not into this. That's a lot of how this can happen. So what are your thoughts on when you engage with people? And they say I'm having a real problem in this area of my relationship. I love her. I will just say from a man's perspective, I love her or I love him, but, um and I don't feel like this should be a problem. But this and this is stacked up. You know? What would you suggest? Somebody like that? Do? Yeah. I mean often times, like most problems in relationships or just us not speaking our truth, yes. So the coming back to the whole integrity police, it's It's me now asking for my, for for what I need or for what I want or what I desire that your truth is saying, I know what I want. Let me tell you very specifically, that most people know that, Um, no, no, I think, yeah, it's and and most people who I talk to you like I don't know that's scary, you know, she's gonna She's gonna break up with me or, um, you know, she's not gonna love me anymore. But if you have to put on a facade to be one away for someone than you know, how does that serve you? You know, if you have to lie to be with someone, toe have sex with them or toe have a partnership with them. I mean, how deep is your connection? And I love that you talked about sort of the the eye gazing stuff. I I facilitate workshops where I do I gazing or just a man and a woman will stand there and, you know, being able to look someone in the eyes if you're not in fully in integrity, like, stuff comes out like you get nervous and get shaky and or you start crying cause you have no emotion blocks that you haven't processed with a therapist or with the coach or in your men's group. So if you find if you have two people who are doing the eye gazing and they're starting to like we're doing right now and nailing it way if you have two people who are gazing into each others eyes and one just gets uncomfortable there. Dart away like this is just too weird. What that says you is there's a lot of stuff you're not addressing, right, so from my experience, you know, talking to people who have had really struggles, they say, I feel like there's a lot there, but I don't even know where to start. I don't know where to find the words, and I'd rather just avoid it because it's unpleasant, not sex, but the ability to break into that and then often resulting Lee sex. So is it Is there a kind of, obviously a big fan of a systematic approach? What are the five steps now? But what would you advise them to do? Because to sell somebody? Hey, speak your truth. A lot of people, that's a really big thing, like I don't even know what how'd it go? Do that? So I would say me typically, like we know, like all of us here, studio audience, people watching on the Internet, like we know exactly what needs to be set at any given time, in any conversation or in the bedroom or in front of someone just just were scared to say it. It's here and I want to say it, You know, beautiful women at Whole Foods. I want to tell you your beautiful, but you're going to reject me. And so one of my big messages is like in the face of fear, take a bold step forward. So if you, you know, imagine yourself standing at a ledge and looking down to make Oh my gosh, that's so scary. For most of my life, I just stood there just kind of paralyzed by fear. Or I took a step back whether it was approaching a beautiful women are talking to tens of thousands of people on the Internet Or, you know, just just just anything that was scary. Andi For about the past two years, like I've just been whatever my my my edges, I just kind of take that leap and on Bennett just becomes a habit of doing things that scare you. And then, you know, one day you wake up like well, like I'm fearless and, you know, you did it through practice through pet repeatedly standing in the face of they're doing it anyway. So, yeah, with him, without being attached to the outcome. So If I you know that's a really good point. Let's stop there for a second. So when you say without being touched, the outcome so what you're saying And please tell me if I've got this correct. What you're saying is, if you're in a place where sex is tough, there's an obstacle. Whatever it might be to be able to say, I know what I want to say to the other person to do to do three things. One. Clarify what it iss do you really kind of nail down him? Making the steps are, But I think that helps people like it helps you to say OK, great, I'll do that. Can you tell me exactly how to do that step by step? So first is to get really clear on what it is that you want to say. And as you're saying, most people know what the problem is. They know what they want to communicate, but to maybe formalize them that into words that they can say. Would you also suggest that people make sure those words are kind and yeah, so that's a great point. So when I give lots of feedback to people, well, And so the first thing I was asked, you know, it's a Tamara can. It can give you some feedback and that that sort of gets you ready to catch the ball instead of like, getting hit in the face with just just just energetically like you're open and I've sucker punch people with you back in the past Just when I I wrote an email to a friend and said, Hey, you know, you complain too much on Facebook. I literally wrote her that I was just I love you Hear some books that might help you. And of course, you know, she reacted. You know, just who do you think you are attacked. Always ask for permission and and give it with, like, a soft heart. So, you know, there's there's ways of, you know, being very directional being like you need to do this and you did that. But when I give feedback like I look at someone like I'm looking at, like my grandmother just really saw, Yeah, like I'm doing like that. Well, I mean, I don't not bed, absolutely. But I love that likes you envision somebody that you would never in a 1,000,000 years when I heard Yeah, it's like I I love you so much that I want to give you this gift that you can show it better And like I know it might hurt like I'm here because I love you and I'm here to support you. And I just want you to be happy and show a better in life. Wonderful. And then do you feel also that with that, with that step of feedback, you should be requesting some for yourself or Yeah. Oh, yeah, I'm super open. And, like I think the world knows that I'm very open. I write about it on my blog's. I mean, I get people all the time and there's times sometimes we're just it hurts. I come, it's raw and, like, you literally feel your heart like that emotional. But when you feel that it's like congratulations, you're you're alive. You know, any time you feel that, it's it's good that you're alive and you're not. You know your emotions. Just you know you're playing in the full spectrum of life, so I feel that pain. Tomorrow you'll feel great joy, and it does take an extraordinary man of courage. We talked about that earlier, like true intimacy is impossible without vulnerability and vulnerability takes courage. Eso, ironically, the stuff that that really allows us to Brent present our softest parts of ourselves. Take the steely ist nerves when you say, and then you actually have to steal up and get some nerves and do it jump off that ledge to be able to be very soft. In a world that typically tends to crush that eso in terms of having those discussions, it's just, you know, know what your messages first of foremost use words that are kind and soft. Ask the other person permission for giving feedback. Um, obviously do it in a setting that's neutral on and then say, And I would love to hear your thoughts on it and then being open to hearing what they say and not feeling, because I think that's another thing, too, is that we could give feedback very well. But if we have to take it a little, I didn't really expect anything to be wrong with me, right? And then so that's kind of a nice recipe to follow in terms of times win. Maybe there are one of things I think is very interesting as sexes and obstacles. Sometimes there's physical issues that we don't understand and address. Have you had any experience with that In terms of with your clients? Yeah. So I'm tryingto figure. I know. I was told to keep it PG 13. I really your best. I go really deep in my work. I'm trying pretty conversations, conversations we had, like, we'll have, like, we talk about two. How about for every three seconds? No, no. Now we're getting a little technical. What it is now that I mean, no. So I appreciate what you're saying is let me not only tell you, but let me illustrate ways that could be, you know, really powerful, very helpful. Unfortunately, do have some barriers that we have to maintain. But if you could do your best in the box, were put in. That's on the Internet. Yes, I'll I'll give an example. All right. So, yes, I won't get too far, But so a common thing is erectile dysfunction. So just, like, say that we'll just talk about the emotional eso I've had problems with that. I mean, yeah, I have like, there's there were times where I couldn't get it up. And really, when I really think about it, it's because I wasn't like I wasn't being true to myself because I was like having sex with someone that I didn't want to have sex with, or I was in a relationship that just I just I knew I didn't want to be there anymore. I was still kind of going through the motions, so you felt like the physical manifestation had to do with an emotional conflict. Yeah, but I think that's an excellent point, is that? And that goes back to how you started about living your truth. If you're not actually in line with what you believe, what you feel about the person and how you physically emote that feeling, there's gonna be a disconnect somewhere and it can show up in your body. On Bears, there's, you know, there's different practices, and there's breathing sexual yoga practices, which that's a whole other level. But you know, that's that's practice that you should do outside of the bedroom. But then you inside the bedroom, using so much of it, is just emotional. So much of it is just wanting to be there on you know, in the past, Like, I think some of us, Some of us. You know, sometimes you have sex. And after you meet someone at a bar or just for some reason and you don't feel good afterwards, like you feel kind of yucky or you're just calm and I I shouldn't have done that or, you know, it's like, I wonder what she thinks. Like, are we Are we in a relationship now? So, I mean, that's something I've pretty much completely cut out of my life Just because I tell the truth. Hold on. I s open with the woman who I date. And I think honesty is the greatest aphrodisiac made for just complete, honest And, you know, just speaking your truth in the moment, even even in the bedroom of like, what you are noticing of like, Oh, you're so I won't be Oh, count is really nice. That's what you mean, right? While the lighting in years being deaf. Okay. All right. Got that. And then so and then My last question. And I really appreciate this. My last question is about sometimes when you have two individuals who, if they can get to a point where they can be very emotionally honest, and they can also both hear each other in a way that's open and understanding that the person and not block off and shut off. Because I think unfortunately, that's what happens a lot. That's that's one of the major components of this is that people will hear something that they are extraordinarily sensitive about. You know, nobody nobody grows up with our version of sex education is where are your parts and how do they work. But you know our and stay clean versus you know, the emotional you don't ever hear the emotional aspects of what this can all mean and certainly in the context of this discussion were purely in the context of relationship. In terms of a relationship for two people are very focused on each other, long term, as opposed to kind of just met somebody. So in terms of that, psychologically speaking, we talked about how there's emotional difficulty. We talked about how there's physical dog difficulty, and then sometimes in terms of having those discussions, you can have two people who just have such different interests. Just, you know, it's not about discussion, isn't going to start change it. It's more like one person's very interesting something and someone very another. Whether that has to do with frequency or quality or type of experience in a case like that, what do you advise for people who feel like you know what? At the end of the day, we're just really different there. Yeah. So the differences are good, you know? So I mean, I a lot of my works around masculine feminine polarity. It's good to let your husband go hang out with his friends, and then you go into you do your things. I'm actually glad that you brought that up because I was I wanted to talk about, you know, I shouldn't be going to my partner with every emotional need. I decide I want to be open, and I want to be able to feel the full spectrum of emotions. But I should behave. I'm sad. I'm feeling jealous. So you look at that guy at the at the grocery story and just coming to you with everything cause then you know, you you start to feel like my therapist living your truth isn't the same as telling your Yeah, that's actually a really great distinction. I think it's a really great distinction because we start to feel sometimes that that's what emotional connection is is that you were the dumping board for everything I feel in saying I'm afraid of. And that's a lot of pressure to put on the other person, which can affect you here. Yeah, so I mean, I and everything is everything is art. You know, there's no it's like you be beat this way, you know? No, be this way. You know, Thanks. I mean everything. It's just been playing with your partner doesn't mean just like sex. It's it's, you know, watching her just kind of way on the on the whole emotional piece. It's like, you know, your partner has to feel you, and there's times that you share. But there's also work that you do outside of the relationship again. Therapist or coach, I have like a men's group, you know, I'm really into men's work and the men coming together and holding sacred space to talk about real stuff and get that I don't know very many men who feel like they can join a group of men and talk about their feelings and we're laughing, right? That's how weird it is and that it shouldn't be because, like, like I look at my look at my Children, I have a little boy and I have two little girls, and to me it's very obvious that they both any time to talk about their feelings. I would never say You don't need talk about your feelings cause you're a boy. Many reasons and yet we grow up and then boys become men, and it's a weird thing for them to sit and talk about their feelings because of our society. And that is so back words that's so backwards, you know, s Oh, yeah, So part of what I hear you saying is that when two people have just very different needs, whether its frequency or quality or type or whatever, some of that has to do with the fact that they're not getting enough time with their own gender people to share some of this, open up and then kind of bring that back to each other in a fresh, exciting way. What they're mostly doing is just it, expecting that the other person's going to solve all their needs and their needs are very different. Andi, time apart is good, you know, It's like like when you don't know where you live. You're probably traveling right now. When you go back home, you're gonna see your husband. He's actually here Great, Theo, but I'll be gone for hours from him. But it's on back for some of us who work on the inner like in the Internet entrepreneur space like I know husband, wife, couples. And if you're sitting there in your pajamas all the time, all the time being in the same space, I mean, it's that sort of polarity is not there. It's That's just something to kind of, you know, think about is. And then again, it's an art. There's no set rule like you need to be away from your partner for two hours a day. I mean, everything is just what what works for you when you give each other space, you have so much more exciting news to share with each other. When you come back together here together 24 7 like let's talk about something I don't know. I did everything with you all day today. What did you think of our breakfast today. Yes, you be able to You could build up more kind of exciting things I'm actually was gonna touch on that in a little bit, actually, is a perfect time to say and I think you'll concur. Great deal. Anybody here? Ever read the book? Marriage shock? Ever hear of it? When I was engaged right before I got married, I read this book and I almost didn't get married. I'm really, really glad I read it, and it's actually stuck with me the entirety of marriage and I think it's made a massive difference, but it's based on the fact that if you get a chance to read, I'm pretty sure it's in the download. But the the premises was studying a great deal of women who transformed into wives, and I think it could just as easily been written as men who transformed into husbands. It doesn't matter because the content is the same, which is to say that we go through this metamorphosis. This process will attend a whitewash. Our past, no matter what we did before you got Mayor, do it kind of like change our history a little bit and especially Children come along. We kind of Oh, no, I was I always with the church and then it's a very way, you know, tend to change that. The other thing that metamorphose eyes is is we become so much about This is my role. Now I'm a wife and then later my mother or my husband and I'm of a dad, and we tend to make everything about everybody else in this relationship and just speaking about a couple, we make everything about the other person and in our need to be considerate and careful, we start neglecting ourselves more and more and more. And one of the transformations they showed in this book was a woman who, over time didn't take the time to work out, didn't take the time to get her hair done. Wouldn't even dream about going getting a manicure and pedicure and buying any dress, because when she should go and go shopping for the kids and then helping with the homework and being a good wife, and what happens over time is that she didn't have much. That was interesting to say anymore because she didn't do anything to fill herself. She didn't have time apart to go spend a couple days seeing a new gallery exhibit and come home and talk about something that was fascinating. And over the course of about 20 years in this relationship, she was blindsided when her husband met somebody new that had met at a cocktail party and who he had met was her 20 years ago. And you hear that all the time, like oh traded, inviting her model. It wasn't that anything to do with her age or anything else. It was more like this woman seen vibrant and alive, and she cared for herself. And she had, ah, lot of interesting things to say and had her own opinion, and it was really fascinating. And her being kind of self focused was very appealing because there was something to talk about that was very interesting versus somebody who'd become simply a reflection of those around her and didn't have a lot to bring individually anymore. And like I said, this same thing goes the other way. Absolutely. A man who over time simply just becomes his family and doesn't have these other interests to bring in and is less interesting to talk. Teoh, and certainly in the bedroom. There's less there. That's of spark because there's not a lot of interest and focus on each other individually. I think that I find that just to be read that I was like but it was a great you know, it was It's a great reassurance to yourself when you're making this choice of what can I do for other people? What do I do for myself? So late to be of interest to the person you're in a relationship with, even like selfishness? Actually have a lot of what we call selfishness has a lot to do with bringing something that spark into the dynamic. Yeah, I mean, I think in general and I, most of the men who had coach on bombs air just like notorious for this. I mean, in general, most people need to be more selfish and and and and it's selfish and in a way of being able to get my needs met like my health and my emotional health so I can serve the world better. Yeah, it's not gonna if I'm if I'm constantly giving all of my time away for free, and if I'm not taking care of my body like I can't do the work that I do Rate takes a lot of holding space for people and and the and the same for all of us. If we're not whatever it is, just tell me what you mean by holding space for people so still holding space. It's like when I'm coaching a client 60% of the time. I my eyes were closed. I'm really listening to every word that he's saying I'm sort of holding emotional space, uh, making yourself available to take got it and the same thing with my partner if she something that men failed to do a lot is being able to hold space for our women when they get into their sort of emotional storm, which is normal, right? It's it's it's normal and a common male responses like Whoa and I can't handle this. I'm gonna go jump on my motorcycle or I'm gonna be in the man cave playing video games. You need to figure this out. You're being crazy, right? And then that just totally makes you feel shut you down. You can't share and then you expect later that everything is gonna be amazing. Baby I'm ready for yet. Level six. Yes. I mean, I would say for the men watching, like if you could just, like, stay firm with her and look at her And I just, you know, while she's giving it to you, I mean, that's that's all she wants. And she was not emotionally, emotionally. I think it's time to close the oh first of all, people in chat rooms and Tehran Mike people in terms of really enjoying this, and I think that it's, you know, it's really important. People are saying this is such a taboo subject among adults. Yes, we're adults way we can watch violent TV but not talk about this. So, so very appreciative. You're having my going and talking about these subjects. But if we could ask a couple of questions, absolutely, that would be fantastic. You talked a little bit about this, but both an A T and D d. D 967 If in the bed one person is more out there and one person is more conservative, is the sex life doomed? And what happens when one person has wants to have more sex than the other? But can you How do you coach people where? That's the scenario. Specifically frequency? Because we talked a little bit about different styles and bring in Yeah, What about frequency? That's that's a big one. Well, what it's funny with with frequency. Why? I think you're talking about more style or just this one was was frequency, but just maybe combined together. Like what if you're not compatible? Comment from Joey, Lawrence said. If sex is good, it's 2% of a marriage. If it's bad, it's 98% of Amero. That's you. Quite Joey, That's interesting. Do you agree? Yeah. I mean so in general, right? The I think the what people think is like, you know, men wanna have sex all the time. Women don't don't want have sex, but oftentimes they're just and I've seen it, you know, there's just there's a failure to communicate. You'll ask the guy in a room by himself. How often do you have sex? I just probably like a couple times a week. How about you? How many times? And then she'll say I look like a couple times a week. All right. Won't you share that? Yeah. Hey, didn t o and also quality effects, desire for frequency. So you can't have it. It's horrible. Who wants that? A lot. So if it that the quality is there because the communication has occurred, that frequency becomes something that's not as much of an issue. Potentially. Yeah. And Andi, I won't go down this rabbit hole too deep. But just in general, women desire dark energy from a man, and you can see it in, like, 50 shades of grey. But going crazy. And I have had these discussions with with women and again, I won't go deep down there. But this just put that in your awareness for something men that you can work on and something to explore. Actually, I'm glad you said that. So, um, I have read every but not gonna make a shape, a fixed integrate. I am glad you said that because one of the things that I have certainly noticed just simply inconclusively out of research conversations, my girlfriends, is that there is sometimes this kind of I want him to be sweet and kind and loving and this and that, but not the whole time. Like I want that all day long. But then it's a little boring, and I think a lot of I don't know anybody. No, I don't want to comment on this, but I think that that is a theme very prevalent among women. I think you touch it right on the nose because a lot of people and it's confusing for men. Isn't that very confusing? Well, I'm supposed to be nice and kind and gentle and sweet and then, huh, Again. So what do you advise men on in that exact kind of? To me, there's there's a book. So the works of David Data, I'm a huge fan of I've studied with him live last name. Uh, D e I d a. I think you just posted about him. Yeah. Yeah, probably. So he wrote the book The Way of the Superior Man and the Lighting Sex Manual. Just a thought leader on sexuality and spirituality. But I just I mean, one of the one of the things that I've had to work on is just bringing that dark energy, and it's the energy that's very directional. It's like it's like that killer energy, and it's not like I'm gonna kill you, but it's It's like with that intensity in the bedroom like with an open heart. So just like being ravished. And yes, that is far down. That's what women want me. They want to be just, like, fully taken fully ravished. And if you bring that intensity with love and like life is good, you know it's so funny is I'm just having this spark of thought how this is actually being broadcast with the Children's posting Pre Step one. How did you even get a child right here? Ravishing. But it's funny. It's like I'm I'm not publicly a sex coach. But I literally talked about sex like, five hours a day because yes, because, my friend, well, just just my friends and I have such an openness to it that people my gosh, Mike, you know, you know that this was the best conversation ever, and right, I think we should be having more conversations around because it is, you know, sex and money like that's That's it. That's what we fight about, that I want to do well And then why? I mean, why all joking aside, why 50 shades of grey such a phenomenon, I mean, because people want to be ableto have that outlet and talk about something because in America's, especially it's become so taboo. You speak Teoh people in France, but it is. It's very taboo here of and yet part of that taboo. It puts us all in these quiet boxes where we can't talk about what we're silently very frustrated about. And it explodes in this relationship where people are not content anymore. They can't talk anymore. They trust each other anymore, and they don't. They no longer want to live their lives, letting go of something that's so important to them because they feel like they lost years, not being able to explore part of them, that that's really men and women. And I think again, that's why this is important. That's why we wanted to cover this, Um and, uh and I love what you brought to this in terms of just more of the openness. I just want to give a couple of shoutouts before we close. Mike, First of all, Eric Photo says, Mike should coach women to really the way that you describe men wanting sex but not wanting to talk about emotions that is so me. I think I think I need the men coach L A. Well, but that's also what was the other one that we had? O Newby says, Please ask Mike to write a book. One for men and one for what? A double set. So thank you. The really engaged of course. Now they're really talking about shades of gray. Yeah. Wonderful. Well, thank you very much. So cool. And I mean again, honestly, we could have separate programs for all of these and go into every one of these obstacles, especially those top two right there. There's just so much to it on any questions from the audience. Brave audience members. Rebecca, Just like this, I e. I mean, this doesn't just go for this sure area of the topic, any quick tips or advice, And I kind of wanted to ask him, but I kind of do what? You, um for getting your husband to open up. And maybe this goes back to the communication. Any quick tips on how to get your husband to open up more about this topic and be able to talk to them? Yeah. So, you know, I think I think one of things I heard might say was part of why men resist this topic. Is there twofold? One is that you are not a husband. But you know what posit questions and will last. Your husband? Oh, my God. Like he's not. He's gonna go purple.