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Defining Yourself in Three Words

We can also declare who we are in a few words and that's part of the homework I'm gonna be giving you guys tonight is to be able to define yourself in a few words and I'll give you some tools to do that and at home as well, you could be able to do the same type of homework and you'll get the same type of insights even though you may not be able to reach the same answers. But you have to be able to define yourself just in a few words what humor? What years are, uh, vibrant, creative, professional what does that mean? Well, first off, probably putting him on the way had a fun time too. You went through it with both bronson and I together, which is a more challenging professional with a capital p and we I love that definition that I work best with professionals, doctors, lawyers, engineers, right? And that opened up to me really my target market and I work with professionals who see themselves as vibrant and creative. They have that artist and I could go on a holiday that artistic bone in...

their body they appreciate, you know, a wonderful glass of wine and they appreciate vibrance and their life. They seek out vibrance, they seek out creativity so professional with a capital p vibrance and creative so you those of you at home who've been watching him all morning and those guys is that right? It is, isn't it? It is pretty cold up there we're talking words yet don't write there's three words though now does that encapsulate all of him no no there's all kinds of parts of him that we don't know from those three words, but those are the three words that he wants us to know about him and actually those air most obvious to us and I'll bet you would have struggled finding those words until he gave them to you but now that he gave them to you, you're never going to forget those about him over the rallying cry were talking about earlier about building a message that you can give your clients to go out and talk about you with and now it's even more portable and this is why it's so powerful because any of you when somebody says what do you like about jared? You're not going to go well he's really smart I really like him he you know he wasn't stupid or nothing like that you're going to be able to go from, you know, professional and what are you going to say when you say professional with a capital p who does he work with doctors, lawyers even if you don't use him and this is something I want you guys to hear even when your prospect doesn't use you because you don't connect they still become referral sources because your port your messages portable they can still refer you to somebody else who's like you it's very important to know all right so when you can define yourself this is a little small this is audrey hepburn who again sixties rapper a lot more attractive but this is in essence sheet she defined herself this way now hers was a little more poetic but I'm gonna read it very quickly believe in pink I believe laughing is the best calorie burner I found out that's not true I believe in kissing kissing a lot I believe kissing a lot I like that I believe in kissing and kissing a lot I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles is there anybody here that doesn't agree with some or all of that? I'm going to guess the resign particularly in our area believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls you know we don't like I've got a daughter I've got two daughters actually and I'm like I don't really think I want them to believe that but does that change my respect for audrey hepburn? No no I don't have to agree to know what she stood for and that's the important fast know what somebody stands for? It doesn't matter what you agree. In fact the more polarizing member I talked about happy people are controversial, they're polarizing you should be able to pull people to you while pushing them away. That's really, really important this is one of my favorites happy people being happy is effortless. I have discovered not only in my life but in the lives of everybody I work with mira would you agree she's off camera so just ever yell yes, thank you, but it's the easiest thing in the world to be happy in your work he's thinking the world it's crazy but it is once you know who you are and what you're about it's so easy to do, it requires very little effort and the reason we don't believe that often is because we have learned how to try and act happy we try and act happy for others. This is what I call that camilion pride often when I sit down with somebody I hear I'm kind of a chameleon and I could be whatever the client is looking forward you guys ever I kind of thought of yourselves that way I could be a communion right? Whatever my client comes in just I listened to them I'm proud of that. The problem is is it's not you and it's a little like at the beginning your relationship when you first met sarah remember how you act in the first few months you weren't fake I mean it's like you put on an australian accent I can't do that but I I just but you weren't fake no but at certain point and I won't I won't use some my recruiter examples but it's a certain point you decided to let down your guard right? Okay, I'm gonna we call that the fort moment yeah yeah as guys we call that and sara at that point had a crossroad right she's like I'm either easy they're worth the trouble or I'm out of here yeah yes and when she stayed lucky you you relaxed a little bit I could get down a little bit more my guard over time you continued to relax can you imagine being married for twenty years and never having farted? No sounds awful right every morning you get up it's like I can't take another day right? I can't take another way took until three fifteen and start talking about party for I'm really proud of myself but it is interesting because that's what we do in relationships with clients we think we need to be on our best behavior all the time and what did they actually want? They don't want our best behavior they want who we are that's what you're supposed to be connecting with them on who you are so emerson kind of gives us the goal on that self trust is the first secret to success and that means you've got to be good enough in your own brains you got to be good enough burn a brown really does a good job of saying this especially today about being vulnerable that it's okay in fact it's more powerful to be vulnerable than it is to cab that camilion pride all right and in fact a za controller I've learned that I can't control stuff and by not controlling it I'm really in control of it well that's angry correctly if I I don't want to jump ahead if you're going to talk about but I love how you talk about and this is where I first heard about it and I think it's fantastic to talk about the way that when you reveal when you're vulnerable about certain areas or certain areas you don't want to go on about what you want about almost anything in your life you noncritical imperfection on critical imperfections noncritical weaknesses when you're vulnerable about these things it creates immediate and intense trust because all of a sudden you can people can trust that you're not putting on a front you're not putting up a show you're being you right and that creates buyin for everything you are saying along with the things you're admitting authenticity in fact let's do a quick just a quick test I didn't think to do this since you brought that up but when I brought up the fart moment, didn't you at that moment trust me just a little bit more? The fact that I was willing to admit in front of millions were actually now a billion but I admitted that I have a weakness all right, I also by the way watch teams he would know that so sad I actually tv I dvr it do you really so bad every night I watched the dvr oh it's just it's embarrassing but you knowing that about me actually makes it easy. Easy for you to trust me this is a really interesting, predictably irrational phenomena. The more people tell you about themselves the more they trust you logically you think it's the opposite. The more you tell me about you the more I will trust you, it's. Not that way. The more I tell you about me, the more I trust you. So to some extent, getting people to tell you about themselves actually creates the trust you want your business for them. Happy people declare and celebrate their purpose. Focus, declaration, singularity genuine, authentic behavior that is at the core of being happy in your work being able to declare it we call I call experience privacy is one of my favorite slides. Please, please tell me all the details of how long hard you work to become a professional photographer said no client ever they don't care they don't care that you picked up a camera at six they don't they don't care that you've been doing it for fifteen years they care why you think they want to know why you're doing what you do, what they don't care is how much experience you have it doesn't translate until why they're there and here's the other kicker that there are so many photographers now all quote unquote professionals all with cool pretty cool web sites so when the client shows up in your door they already trust your a professional don't spend any time trying to convince them they wouldn't be talking to you if they didn't already think you're a competent photographer the reason they're talking to you is they want to find other parts about you and when you spend all of that time or the video on your site talking about how I started photography and how I love it so much and no no no no talk about how it affects you talk about how it's going to affect them talk about the uniqueness of you anybody can use a camera you know? I just thought I just bought a camera that's got forty one maker of sorry I just got a phone that's a forty one megapixel camera on it for ninety nine dollars I take a shot and I click on it and it zooms in I'm sorry it's going to be really hard for you to convince me that your camera is better than my camera except mine's a phone can you make a call with your market flyby mark do no it's about what you what's behind the cameron what's in it and that's what you really want to talk about? So let's move on past experience bride brand, we talked about branding and we talked about quality brand can't be about quality there's a really good book that I recommend for everybody called the culture co written by collateral repel probably one of the greatest social anthropologists of our time and he basically defines what words really mean in the minds of our culture and one of those words quality is quality quality means it works quality doesn't mean good or bad it means it works it either works or it doesn't work and so when you try to define yourself based on the quality of your work, your client being unsophisticated has no idea how to compare that how can your it works happened jared's it works better than hannah's it works they both work right I mean it now again if back in the old days when nobody know how to use a camera except for a few people you could say jared could go well you know I've been using this camera for five years and hand has only been using it for two and man it is tough to you mean everything's manual you know you've gotto put that plastic stuff in it one of these I don't know right you got all that crap you got you could even open the back of it it had a backto open I don't understand any of that as a consumer but you know what I do understand how to put my phone out and push the button have it capture a picture when you're talking again about a sophisticated product someone who can't understand really the nuances of the differences of the technical aspects of what we're doing and all the different details of what it takes to make a quality picture versus yeah you can't build your brand around quality but you can build it around trust you can define how trusted the brand becomes and trust is about authenticity trust is not just around getting them to go and convincing them to buy you trust us about being your authentic self by the way this is a quote from a book um sticking feathers appear but does not make you a chicken it's from fight club book fight club um and it's true I'm not going to act like I speak from experience on this one but I'm going I'm going to guess it's true it's about authenticity right it's about being who you really are and it's about being who you really are all the time not just everyone's happy secret number nine happy people I don't mean to compete remember the first rule people can copy who you are or what you do but they can't copy who you are so again who are you competing with? Nobody nobody and if they don't want who you are if there's a difference between the six of you and I know what that difference is I'm going to pick the one that's most associated with me the other five aren't going to take it personal because they're not going to change to be my client but more importantly when you find this clients who are like you you don't have to work hard to actually understand them empathize with them use compassion remember that's what makes us happy happy people in so let me let me this a quick test two happy people answer questions because that's what we're all about right questions that's not true that's not true happy people question answers instead of just assuming there's the simplicity that you know oh this is what you want you know customer you tell me what you want ok that's what you want question it remember them or they tell you about themselves what happens this on the more they tell you about themselves what happens the more they trust you prime question their answers just pull those threats they're going to give you the clues as to how and what they want you to know about them we'll going threads that the phone we're going talk about that a lot of day three with sales session okay good pulling friends is is is socratic buying if we're talking about socratic sales methods good um happy businesses don't need to sell why don't they need to sell because their clients buy from them do you guys like being sold to? Is anybody out there? We'll wait anybody out there like being salted? Yes oh yes from the ukraine yes, I like being so too no, nobody likes being sold to but we love to buy don't wait you know, we were talking about a regular earlier about apple apple a long time ago tried to get into retail market and a retail space and when they started that best buy in the best buy that's right that's right? They don't see anybody remembers they put little stores invest by to see if people would buy retail because everybody's fine, direct and it didn't work out so well it didn't work out, so apple did a survey and they wondered with people, why aren't you buying you know from best buy because they said we'd be willing to buy from a retail outlet and the reason they said they didn't want to buy from best vice because they wanted apple to get all of their money they wanted apple to get all of their money and so apple listening to that did what opened up apple stores, which were phenomenal successes in one of the worst recessions of american history. All right, why did people hang out and buy from apple and apple stores because they want apple to get all of their money? I think same I feel the same way about the example I gave earlier with al ferrand versus alaska airlines manal fries and I am a true believer of that restaurant and of that small little moment pop shopping if they opened up a restaurant where some of you could buy it somewhere else and had the choice and I knew that I could go toe alfa runs spot where they get all of my energy, my effort, my business I would I would drive further for that exactly I would go out of my way that's why you need to charge more to when you specialize because the only way they can show you how much they love what you do and who you are is by giving you more money and that doesn't mean it's mercenary the only way we have to show somebody value in our society in the business for his actions to give you more money so ultimately this more specialized your message in them or they lean into the more they connect with you, you're actually taking something away from them by discounting or keeping your prices low just like apple clients, they want to give you all of they want you to get it all remember that they want you to succeed in a good business, you're surrounded by people who want you to succeed, not just to do what they want that's really important? How did they, what customers really want they want you didn't know them before they'll make any effort to know you. This goes back to that trust issue, right know them before they make any effort to know you often I hear, you know that the that clients are trustworthy anymore, you know that there's no brand trust, you know, they came to me and then they got my stuff and then they went to somebody else and got, you know, and had portrait ce after they came to me for weddings, but I guarantee you, if you knew who they were, they've never got anybody else it's, not about the photos about the trust and by the way, differentiating yourself can't be done on style either in the concept of style, and I think we mentioned this is it this morning, the concept of style is consistency right, your style really doesn't have a style your style is really just about being consistent if you're inconsistent you haven't eclectic style which means you have no right if I show up and shoot black and white and I show up in color you know do tio selective color and then I show up and do everything fully saturated then I put vastly no my lands I know that's an old and she opened shoot everything fuzzy right? All of those air different when clients come to me they're going to go I don't know what to expect style is what they active style is only about consistency okay, so customers want you to know them before they make an effort to know you that's what I said earlier but what did they really want? So let's do some numbers seventy three percent of them by the way this comes from well published oracle twenty twelve survey seventy three percent one integrity they want youto have authentic and knowledgeable employees or be an authentic and knowledgeable vendor right authenticity fifty five percent want transparency they don't want you to make it harder for them they don't want you to talk in a language they don't understand they want you to be totally transparent and even confrontational some extent and thirty six percent one communities very quick, very quick story mike alone was a wedding photographer in southern california really well known very high end he used I don't think he does this anymore but he used to have a gathering every year we could be bright and all of his bride's from that year and the rights from the year before could only come two years in a row did it on the beach in newport. Beatrice is where he lives and and when they showed up he bought him brunch and lots of dodger champagne what are the only two things they had in common? They just got married and my cologne so what it after two glasses of champagne and a bunch of order of sugar to facilitate that what did they talk about my cologne and because they were every other year he created this long community of brides who are connected with each other the ones who are first year asked the ones who are second year what's it like to be married for a year knowing I get to be that person next year and what else we talk about mike alone that's the kind of community that you want to create all right, so what else the customers want eighty six percent are willing to pay twenty five percent more for a better experience I'm sorry that should be unbelievably compelling nine out of ten are willing to pay twenty five percent mohr for a better experience eighty nine percent will jump rand's after one bad experience why because we have this thing called the cognitive bias and it's called the negative bias where we put much more emphasis on bad stuff than we do on good stuff. That's why one bad customer is only worth you know, it takes twenty good customers to offset one unhappy one. Let's, go look on yelp for proof of that. Yeah, I know it all. You know, restaurant owners that I talked all the time or saying, man, I know the only time you ever, you know, go and post on of addison yelp. I mean, they're being dramatic, but he you know, I get so many more of the bad post and everybody who leaves is so happy but that's not compelled to go post how great it is well, in our no bias actually makes us think it's more important for us to talk about that stuff in it is to talk about, right, right and so that's. Why nine out of ten will jump friends after one bad experience and eight out of ten will complain online. Kate out of ten will complain online, so whenever and not everything goes well, one of the things that I like to say, I think we bring it up a little later about being heroic it's every time something goes badly, this is an opportunity for you to be and we talked about that last segment when we talked about the advocate and how precarious they are because we do one thing wrong, you lose them right? And then when you go from an advocate to a evangelist, you don't have to worry about that anymore because their evangelizing and you can do something right now they're patient, they work with you, you have an opportunity heroic and you can turn them even further be heroic is a big is a big value proposition in your business and again the only time the only time in fact there are companies and that we talked about this in the past, there are companies I know that actually makes tough break so they can fix it publicly. Bp is not one of those just wondered oil spill all right, let's go to the most important one wanted five posted a positive comment after a positive experience so nine out of ten will slam you but here's the good news one in five will make an effort to go up and say nice things about you that's really good that's really good it probably will be on yelp moody and probably will be some place right that's what you're really trying to increase and hopefully next time I do this, light it sometime in the future and oracle runs in another survey, it'll be too intense and then three intent because that's what we're trying to get we're trying to get people motivated to tuck to say nice things and that's what of course the social network is actually perpetuating you know, the more of our social networking we do, the more people want to share their good stuff and happy secret number twelve happy people are bosses no one can fire you from your life not yet at least and that's what you've got in that's what it's, what you got into a nontraditional business for to begin with, isn't it? I mean, isn't it funny that most of us what happens is we get into this to get the freedom to be entrepreneurs yet only really find out is instead of working for one bad boss now we're working for dozens right? But being happy and then identifying who you are drawing people to you who are like you, you have the opportunity to actually be the boss, your business and that's what they want from you people want to follow you, they want to be part of your community, they want to be like you, which really means be like more like them. So what is the difference between employees and the boss? This is, you know, when I say the the boss, everybody kind of goes well, god, but that doesn't mean take vacations that means it's a state of mind so let's let's separate those two what is that? Employees employees get paid for their time and effort they're our biggest fear is getting fired or failing they always try to make the right decision they minimize the risk in their lives and they focus on security talk about retirement college mintz now you guys are entrepreneurs and I want you to ask yourself how many of these air you kind of weirded you know when I say those are employees you're going yeah yeah yeah but how many of these are you as entrepreneurs are you getting paid for your time? Yes you put time on your packages I'm they're afraid ours to have our say you're afraid of failing or getting fired yes I'm just don't write always making the right decision not we'll see the difference minimizing the risk and focusing on security I love it when somebody says how I love being a photographer someday I will really want to retire why? I mean, is it at some point that camera just get so heavy? You can't carry it around anymore if you're a football player and for the nfl I understand planning for the future I really, really dio but as a photographer if you love what you do, why would you stop right? Why in the world would you stop and if you're thinking about stopping do us all a favour stop you just getting in the way because this is a passion industry. This is an industry that needs to be full of people who have to be here. We're compelled by this, if you're not compelled to get out of the way. So let's, look at what bosses are and see if you guys can achieve this. Bosses get paid for their ideas biggest fears, missing opportunities, not failing always try to make the best decision, not the right decision that depends on where they're at, they get paid to risk things and they focus on achievement, not on failure. Here's what's fascinating when I show this slide to corporate america ceos who are making thirty five million a year for a company that's losing value, they all go. Yes, of course I get paid thirty five million a year because I'm not paying to succeed. I'm paid to risk I'm paid to fail, I'm paid to be unreasonable first one employees are reasonable. What our bosses we all know this, right? They're unreasonable, but that doesn't mean just because you're not the boss or you're not thinking that way. And you have got a place you shouldn't be unreasonable, you should this is how you should be seeing your business risk failure to succeed don't worry about it here's what here's the nasty little secret after you jump off the cliff and build your wings don't worry about hitting the ground he has no ground small businesses don't hit the ground in a fiery flame they slowly lose altitude until they disappear in the midst of nothing right was the last time you heard of an entrepreneur greg I started my business three years ago and it went like crazy until like a month ago and then go home it all blew up in my face we only got three choices guys succeed quickly fail quickly fail slowly if you think you're on the path to succeeding slowly you've got to succeed quickly all right so what what what am I saying be the boss be the boss that's why you're an entrepreneur take charge be risk enabled and it's easier when you're happy with what you do it's easier when you're authentic and genuine and doing what you did it's easy to do is to be the boss so let's do homework talk a little bit before we go into homework about the transition from working happy and being happy and how that connects with being the boss how happy and being the boss are connected together well, again it goes that kind of goes back to being able to follow my own leadership I really do kind of believe in our heads we've been taught we've been given him a crock about what success is. One of the analogies I've been using is is everything I need to know about being happy and successful. I can learn from greyhound's great hound dogs you guys know about dog races, right? They opened the gates of the greyhounds, run off and chase that little mechanical rabbit that's attached. You know, if you know this, I mean, this is this convent old way. No, this happens sometimes that rabbit machine breaks down in the kitchen and the dogs catch it because, you know, normally there were the race from birth to chase that rabbit doors open. They chasing the rabbit goes all the way around in the new crosses the finish line, the rabbit disappears back in five, the dogs run through, but sometimes it breaks down and catch the rabbit. Those dogs stop racing. They've been raised for life on ly race, but once they catch the rabbit, they lose their interest. For I mean partially, I believe it's because taste like metal. I heard jason it's taste like crap. You haven't caught it, but I also think it's because it's they realized that there was no happiness to it there's no enjoyment. In fact, many of them either become complacent or mean as dogs now it's interesting if we put that into human traits right we set a goal for ourselves a rabbit we can catch bowman we catch the rabbit we go well, that was relatively tasteless right that taste a little like metal in for maybe I need a different rabbit and I create another one unlike dogs we actually can can flow ourselves into thinking it's the rabbits problem right? I'm afraid no rabbit I catch that rabbit it doesn't taste good either and I do this three or four times and I keep sacrificing and running my butt off to catch a rabbit at the end that gives me almost no satisfaction and I went and you wonder why I'm angry and pissed off or complacent right? The idea is to create a rabbit that you can't catch as an example I use me as an example my rabbit is I want everyone in the world to work happily ever after it's my book that's what I'm about that's my mission there are what six billion people in the world I had I coach about sixty people a year so I've gotta live to be what ten and a half ten ten million years it sounds like all six billion are tuning in right now so that's good so no happy really live ten million years could you all have to stop procreating right now? Just I think that when I we talked earlier about my path of my business I hadn't I hadn't. I didn't know what success wass, you know, I mean, you define success and we had so many people who filled out the business roadmap, he said, I want to be successful, I want to be successful, I want you know what? Where you want to be in twelve months. I want to be successful. I know. In two thousand six, I hit a point where I thought I was successful, we shot, yeah, I caught the robber, we shot like eighty five ways, I'm like we did everything I wanted to do, and then I'm was it wasn't that was unfulfilled, but I was left going. It was mostly meddling for yeah, now what? You know, I worked a lot and I was stressed out a lot and, you know, I talked earlier about how I'm glad I wasn't, you know, married or day at that time because I don't know how you know bronson was, and thank god they made it through that because it was a crazy year working, and it was very disappointed that was when I first started to buy in to this idea of a man working happy involves me and what I truly feel everyday and what I truly want my business to do for me, rather the alternative I didn't mean working happy isn't just being happy one to achieve it it's actually exactly the way it sounds I'm very specific about working happily ever after those are three very specific words don't achieve happiness through your work achieve it while you're working and as I said that's the big lie were taught go go go sacrifice compromise you know give it up because when you catch the rabbit it's all going to be worth it and it isn't, it isn't worth it it sucks in fact, the only time we're really anxious is when is when we catch the rabbit? We don't know what the next one is, so if you set a rabbit for yourself that you know you can't catch but that's got it it's a noble pursuit it's something that makes you happy every day when I get up I know two things I will never be able to make everybody in the world happy in their work but I know exactly what to do today. Everything I do is either moving me closer to michael well farther away from my goal or having no effect of michael. But I know I have clarity on what that is and you have the same thing you can identify how you want your work to fulfill you remember what I said at the very beginning your company your your business doesn't care about you that's how what working happy is how do I get that? I make sure my business is here to fulfill my personal emotional goals not for me to fulfill its and I can tell you that ultimately when people talk about money and clients and so forth that's in the sec that it's one of those interesting side effects that when I worked with people who love me mohr than they love others because we're so connected they have to pay me a premium and again you've got lots of examples, but apple is the one that everybody uses right? We pay a premium for apple not only because do we really think that those parts are more expensive than the parts and other computers? Not only do we not think that we don't care now that's changing I have to admit that now watching apple in there, you know it's losing its way because one of the other things is it's about a person it's about who you are as people you know I don't have this up here but one of the other ways to really make sure that your happiest make sure that your business carries your name, you know not abc photography not you know a lot not be beautiful I think I saw one just yesterday it should carry who you are because no matter if trust is your goal even even sergey brin has to sign sergei brin the bottom of a google contract not google steve jobs didn't write apple bill gates and microsoft we trust signatures and we trust names and that's the way for your clients to also know that they can trust you in this right? Yeah okay so sorry. So here's your homework? Um what three words would you want on your tombstone so you know how they say well, you know, don't worry about this it's not like it's written in stone yeah this would be written in stone these air three words that you want people who know you and people even who don't know you but people who know you to what you want when you're gone you want them to think this right you're is vibrant professional is from a business to mr vibrant, professional creative with a p and creative right? And so we want to try and figure out how to define yourself in three words now here's a kicker if I said give me twenty or thirty year give me two paragraphs, he'd be immediately start writing okay, I can describe myself in fifty words or hundred words or two hundred words but you know that's not what we want what you want to be able to do is to find yourself quickly created target but you could hit identify what it is you're proud of about yourself identify what you want to be about yourself and that's what your words should represent who you are, who you want to be going to give you kind of some, um some ways to make sure that you don't fall into traps one of them is the law of comfortable I called the law of competition that comes out of out of working happily ever after competing against bad will never ever make you great in the minds of your clients so when I hear people talk about some you know, give me three words and I go I'm fun fresh and fabulous right fun, fresh and cognitive what does that mean? That means I'm always going to get the client when compared to what boring, stale and mediocre and can you imagine that's, the photographer? You know what your three words will on boring, stale and mediocre and proud of it we have that's authentically you, john I'm authentically no one he's authentically that right? They don't want to be that they may be, but they don't think they are. You want to find words that don't have a negative reverse right fund means on fun you want to find a word that is unique like professional the opposite of professional with a peed, as you say, isn't really a no professional it's either amateurish or in your case, it's somebody who wasn't isn't a professional in a professional business doctors, lawyers, engineers school in that goes into being a professional there's training there's a your culture so you always want to think about what the opposite of what the opposite is julia and I have worked a little bit do you remember any of the words that we came up with for you? What are they enthusiastic eccentric now you see the opposite that those air never negative just because you're not enthusiastic doesn't mean you're uh you're boring it just means you may be jared as much as I love him is not what I'd call an enthusiastic person if I could throw this table I was he's not an excitable boy right? So all of those words actually and if you know julie you will kind of go up yeah oh oh by the way homework should be easy for you we're not going to talk about your store right but I want you to work on those tomorrow and then I'm going to come back tomorrow morning and we're going to kind of go through your words well and that's what I think that that he's won the most first off I've done this homer before and if you think that you have it in five or ten minutes yeah you did it wrong right yeah that's what you want to go back to the question answers point rather than answering questions it is it keeps you up all night it just because you get to this point where you're you have these words, if you like to find your knees, start going to this challenge. Well, let's, look at what the opposite of these words are, and you realized, oh, it's not that the word is that so wrong, it's, just not the best word, right? And you want to find us something that creates unique one of a kind description of who you are rather than just separates you from bad. Exactly you, it's not that the words you come up with are wrong, it's, that they aren't the best representation of what you need to be great. So it's it's challenging, and then the fun part is that we're going tomorrow. Yeah, that's, where you and I get to go through and for the first half hour, jeff, going back tomorrow morning, gentle and he's so gentle and talk about, and I hope that everyone who is watching at home is also going to go through and do some of this as well tonight, because even though you won't get to sit here in the studio and have the back and forth happened, I think the back and forth is one of the most. Amazing things doing this on your own and you don't get that have that back and forth when you do it by yourself, but when you get to watch others go through it and get to respond and see how that play happens and the modification and the adjustment that's where the really I think that's where the real sweet spot is yeah, I mean and michael for you guys and for everybody watching at home to be able to take some of these tools and actually start doing it themselves. I mean, it's agreed the answers are not easy, but this isn't brain surgery either. What this really does requires for you to be honest with yourself, to think about what it is and how how what who's that person you want to be in success and unhappiness theirs there are different levels there's a thing called mass loaves pyramid of happiness if you will are cold lots of different things, but at the top of that is self actualization and that's where I know I am and I get to be more of me in knowing it and in our business, knowing who you are and declaring it allows people and your clients to connect with you on that and it allows them to become more of them as well and that's why it's happy rather than fun both but it's happy not just feeling good and that's why ultimately they feel a stronger connection with you and it even goes back to you were talking about evangelist there really is a third we talk type of client you have a true believer yeah we went through all that and the true believer is somebody who believes in if you will the cult of you they believe in what you stand for and they want to align themselves and you actually help them be better as a person as a result that I think that the self actualization part is what's interesting too because that's, what gives you that happiness? It's one thing to declare who you are it's one thing to go out there into the world but when you surround yourself than continually with the people that are just like that, right, then you become a better you and they become better them and you continue to grow and challenge and change rather than just provided services somebody else and in fact talking about other people like that, I welcome everybody to to join the facebook group t next cafe it is free and we also have a mattress website but most importantly the team x cafe is where we've already got, you know, over a thousand people who are interested in practicing special ism and kind of working through this and we talked about it early about that leadership and remember, you know, the truth is I'm I'm not really as much the leader of special ism as I am an incredible fan under two believer I have a true believer of it and most of the time I spend my time just like you do trying to seek out how to do more of it, how to be more of a specialist and what I really want to achieve for myself is the same thing I want for you once you realize this I call this the you zillah you become a measles from your perspective right where you become not different, this process doesn't change you it makes you huge version of yourself right? And so ultimately instead of cowering under a coucher looking for tokyo's to destroy because you know exactly what your power is you know exactly how big you khun b and ultimately there's no such thing as a top end on being happy. As long as you get down that road, you'll be able to start achieving it and I guarantee your business will follow suit because now you're the boss and it works for you and we start off the day by talking about building a business centered around you and he really are and how that's not only going allow you to broadcast a better message not only is it gonna like it attract more clients but it's going to build around your goals, your dreams, your passions and who you are, which allows you work happy, stay the course and continually be fulfilled by a business is contributing to what you want, right? And it is about success, you know, but it is just about financial success that the unintended consequence, right, but it's working with people who holds you in higher regard and therefore pay you as a way of expressing their things. And so if you think about discounting or you think about reducing your price, you know, again competing a price you got to remember you're actually cheating those clients who want to pay you from giving you their love, just like if apple discounted, we stopped buying them because I want them, I that means they'll be in a new innovative, right? If if I didn't give them everything they were charging, they wouldn't continue to build these really wonderful products for me. Now, we've got a bit of a problem now that I'm paying them, and they're not building these wonderful products for me. I'm not sure how that's gonna work out, but it's a really great example of how it can work for your business and how it can also fail if you don't continue member one of the first. Rules I said specialists have to be remained specialists once you specialize once you find special ism you don't get to go back and go ok, well, now that I've done that I'm going to diversify that's not how it works you focus and you focus and you focused can I can I have time for one quick story whistling plumber my favorite story there's an old guy charlie brown something palin members charlie brown, who recently died at ninety two um and charlie brown was he was a plumber down in atlanta and charlie brown whistled while he plumbed right and any charge kind of and he was known as the whistling plumber, right? Any charge premium he was a little higher priced but not a lot but a little higher price than every other plumber and he was unbelievably successful, unbelievably happy and most of the reviews I read about him were about his whistling he came in and he'd know this and he did michael boo plea tunes I guess he was really good at michael boo bleakness like hell even who michael buckley is. But you know what nobody ever talked about, how well he fixed their faucet he had more reviews than anybody. He was the most successful former down there and nobody ever talked about what a great plumber he waas but they talked about wass how they, how he entertained them, how we did something unexpected, how he gave them joy and oh yeah, he fixed my floss it isn't that what you want from your client's not fixing your faucet for but joe, don't you want them to cut would step away from you and finished doing business with using that was some of the best experiences I've had in my life, and when they talk about others, they say, you know, you know, spending time with hannah just fills me and makes me happy, and with julie makes me happy and oh yeah, they take pictures, isn't that what you want? Is that why you got into this business? Because you wanted to insert and somehow infuse who you were into the business you're in or you here just because this looks like another machine and you want to be a cog in the wheel nobody's like that? Not not in this industry, so I love that be the whistling plumber, all right, be the whistling plumber and he always charged more now, here's the kicker what people wouldn't pay for is the whistle, right? If you're if he was the same charges somebody else when he said, but if you give me an extra twenty percent, I'll whistle for you, nobody paying for it but in charging an extra twenty percent and whistling he got nothing but wonderful reviews and nobody ever complained about the price I can't think of a better example in a better way to end the concept of working out great way don't want youto leave and my first question for you jeff is you adopt me e I may as well I adopt pretty much everybody that's gonna want one of my words it's dad yes you know when we go to the three you know for me being a father is the most important thing and I don't just mean in my family but this whole community and everything else I always see myself as a paternal kind of umbrella if you will so yes you welcome come on really I don't think you know what are your three words? I don't talk about all of them my room but I since it's just us I just think it's romantic I'm a romantic it is father it is dad um and it's confrontational I live a confrontational life now that doesn't mean I'm an argumentative but what I just certain determined it makes me happy long ago is to have no hidden agenda you know I love it when everybody says everything that they mean and it's all out and there's you know but he's got any political crap in the background so I live a very confrontational life where I will always say what I think and I want other people to do the same thing with me here we talk it out so that's important to me and said became one of my words I'm really experienced two of those three words on your behalf I haven't spirits romantic complication of the esteemed colleague professional twice yeah there's an old joke this is if I somebody told me this if there's jeff yoakum sodom hussein that's when he was still alive and hitler that when he was still like two in a room and you've got a gun with only two bullets who did you shoot jeff twice just damaging the damage comes out well I think that I mean this afternoon segment was a pure example of those three words I think you guys agree studio two okay so are you opened a few questions okay. Okay great. The first one from the chat room is from guest twenty who says how can you be happy when you set a goal that you cannot reach a rabbit of rabbit that you can't catch because catching the rev it doesn't make any of us happy what makes us happy is chasing the rabbit that's worth chasing and again it goes back that's the big line it's not about achieving initiate it and I don't mean it to sound so zen it really is the fact that we've been you know back in the industrial age we were basically let's let's go back even further. This is old tribal mechanisms when we had to catch dinner, the chase didn't matter. In fact, when I'm hungry, the shorter the chase, the happier I am because the dinner is worthy, but we're not doing that in business, right? I mean, none of us need to actually do this to not start to death, you know, rent aside, right? We can all find work, we do this because we're driven to it, and our goals can't be based on the same logic that we used when we were cave men chasing down antelope and hoping that we could catch him as quickly as possible. And what we've really come to is the identity that way confuse that survival instinct, and as I said earlier, we confuse survival with success. If survival is what you want, you're right, you better create a rabbit, you can catch her, you'll start to death, but if success is what you're looking for creating a rabbit that you can't catch gives you purpose and a purpose, the life and a purpose filled business is the thing that truly fulfills us, it makes us all very happy. In fact, you see that everywhere religions you see that in all types of community, the stronger and clear the purpose, the more I love doing it rather than just getting it done that's my story I'm sticking to it and by the way happened wouldn't wouldn't guess twenty yes is your own name confrontational cheese so basically you're saying so if we catch that rabbit just find another of it well that's what we do now and what happens with that is that we were disappointed in the rabbit and I might might look it's it's my position that says that you'll never ever create a rabbit you can catch that will give you the joy of fulfillment as creating a purpose that just gives you direction rather than gives you the ego satisfaction of catching it it's that simple now you can have all kinds of rabbits in the meantime we've gotta eat but that's not what you're living for we don't live to catch the rabbit ending where we lived to chase it if you don't mind one very quick definition there's a big difference between discover and explore explorers you're happy james cameron was a really good example of this you know he created a movie about titanic where he spent he learned everything about it and then went well I'm not sure that made me happy and then he created his own world avatar and discovered everything about that said well I don't know if that makes me happy and you know what he's happy you know what he's doing right now that makes him happier and this is his statement happier than he's ever been he gets in a little one man pod and those seven miles deep in the mariana stretch and when they asked him what he's looking for he says I don't know I just love looking for new stuff and it's the exploring us that get satisfied but to discover and us constantly be disappointed explores her happy discoverers often find nothing but disappointment so being explorer look for stuff even if you don't know what that stuff this so wait once you figure it all out I love what the internet has been saying this entire segment and I've been waiting this whole segment to read the future so rebecca says if jeff ever came to creative live I'd easily sell my oldest child for a seat in the audience now wait another quote from sweet melissa me or mean no and this is so amazing as my business is at the cliff stage either I jump or I get off thank you so much you have given thank you so much you have given me so much brain power in the specialization of me thank you and I give you one word of advice jumpin build your wings on the way down all right this is the last question our producer said one more last question for you we couldn't keep you here all day but all right so this is it before we rock with you from a spunky two thousand four and uniqueness I'm sure that's their real name on and I think this resonates with a lot of people out that are watching today all of you guys out there would have been hearing reading from all of you anyway so what do I do to become brave enough to take that leap into that specialized area? I'm scared and just like joe said about leaving everything behind but again it's not about sacrifice it first of all everybody is scared you know bravery is is something we all struggle with courage is a learned trait right but it's not no no but I will say that when you realize it's not about sacrifice it's not about giving up stuff as it is is much about focusing and the more once you find out what makes you happy what you once you find out what fulfills you that's when as I say every morning I get up I get to spend as much time as I can doing that pursuing that and over time and you know it it doesn't happen overnight you know and for me I've been practicing this for twenty years and I can say it's only been in the last three four years that I started coaching people I love in the photography industry because I love this industry then I finally have achieved what I have been wanting to achieve right I mean it's it's not about all of that time, I've been getting better at it, and I can guarantee you I'll be doing even better next year because I know what I'm pursuing so it's not easy, I can second and third and fourth that I'm not sure there's really ever a good time to just ok, I'm ready, you know you're never going to come to a moment like, ok, I've prepared enough to jump off the cliff I prepare enough, you're always going to be scared, right? I was fair skies good. What is somebody asked me earlier if I was nervous for coming on crete applied this morning said you darn running and they said, good, because if you weren't, I'd be worried, right? I was like, well, you know, for seculars, billion civilians, are you so? No, I mean, I think that there's there's health there because I think that it it pushes you off into a point where you can actually be vulnerable and challenge yourself to get there, but I'll also give you one last word of advice. You don't have to be afraid to be yourself, right? I mean, once we know who we are, I call that exhale. When we meet new people, we tend to inhale, wondering what we should show them. But once you basically have reached a point where you know who you are and you can even define it in a few words, which, of course, you guys would be able to do snappy. Tomorrow morning, once you confined, how is what you are all about? You connects him. You don't have to wear that facade. You don't have to be that person. You get to just be you and as we keep hearing it's enough, it's enough, so the courage comes from just being you and that's. So simple.