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Why Feedback?

Let's start talking a little bit about WhyFeedback. So what's really important about WhyFeedback to start us off is, the only way we learn, the only way we learn, is from trying things at the edge of our ability and correcting our errors. So whether you're learning violin or you're learning how to create a spreadsheet report, the only way we learn is by trying things at the edge of our ability and error correcting. If we're not doing that, then we're not learning, we're just doing things we already know how to do. And so feedback's so important, because if you want to try new things, never been done's, expand our range, grow our team, there's gonna be that error correction, because it's at the edge of our ability. That's a really key point, because the only way you can correct your errors is either from one of two places. Signals from the environment, so just things that you notice that come back to you, that you're picking up on, that say, "Oh, that's not working so well.". So that's ...

one way to do, but that limited, we might not know what the signals are to even look for, there might be no signals coming back. So that's proactive, that's something we can take in ourselves. The only other way is someone tells us, someone or something tells us and gives us direct feedback. That's the only way we can correct errors. So that's a lot of times why you want to work with a coach. Let's say you want to become a really champion swimmer. Well you need to work with a coach probably, because they're gonna tell you what's not working in your training or in your stoke. Otherwise, maybe you can feel it, like, "Okay, there's something in my stroke not right and "I need to fix this part.". That might be a signal in your body, but it usually helps to also have someone who can give you direct feedback. That's the only way we learn. So that's why I think feedback is so important. And learning is what allows us to get better, getting better is what allows us all to feel like we're growing, we're contributing, and it helps us get to the things we want to get to. Which for all of us I think are things that we usually don't yet have. We all maybe love where we're at, but we want more. So that's why feedback can be so important. And it's the number one way to help someone who's struggling. If they're struggling, to help bring them to efficiency, is feedback. And one way to engage your highest performers, your best people, is to give them feedback, help them develop their skills so they'll stay engaged longer. We'll take a little bit more about that. So when do we need feedback? There's something called the Johari Window, it's a very simple concept, but it will help us think about where we want to draw feedback from, when we wanna receive or give it. So it's sort of like, this window, I'll show all the things that are possible. It's like four arenas alike. So the first is, things that are known to self and known to others. So these are things that I know about myself and you know about me, they're public. Maybe your team knows them, your manager knows them. We call that the arena, because you're in the arena, there's nowhere to hide, they're known. Very powerful one. Then there's also things that are not known to self but are known to others, these are blindspots. This is the most uncomfortable place to be, likely, for most people, is that feeling of like, "People know things about me that I don't know.". So you're not gonna know what's in your blindspot unless someone tells you, because it's not known to you by definition. So then we also have known to self, not known to others, this is the facade. Now, one thing is some of these things, we want to keep private. Some of these things we might be served by exposing to others and having them help us in moving them into the arena. So we can move facade areas into the arena, only others can move blindspot areas into the arena for us. Yeah, does that make sense? And then there are things that are not known to us and aren't known to other people. That's called the unknown unknowns. And what happens is over time, we start drawing, through discovery and through experiences, we draw more out of the unknown unknowns, and we put more into either the facade or into the arena, for the unknowns. Or others pull from the unknown unknowns into the blindspots until they decide to tell you and show you. So what's really important here, the two areas that I think are really key as we look at this are, things that are in your blindspot or in other people's blindspots, and things that are in the arena. So for blindspot, for example, let's imagine I know I need to improve my public speaking skills, but I don't know what specifically I'm not doing well. So maybe the area is more like in the arena or the facade, but what specifically I need to get better at, I don't actually know, so it's kind of a blindspot for me. I need someone to help me figure out, what am I doing wrong? Maybe a coach, maybe a co-worker, maybe a manager. Arena is like I'm working on using more stories and anecdotes in my presentations, and then you have someone who knows that's what you're working on, maybe a teammate or a manager that's in the meeting with you, and afterwards you can say, "Hey, how was that? "Whether it was effective, did I use enough? "Did I use too many?". And then because it's in the arena, you can get feedback. Or vice versa, if you're the manager of someone and you know they have an area of development, how can you be on their support team to help them grow in that over time? Hugely important. Another key I just want to point out on this is, as a leader or manager, to gracefully or eloquently wade into the facade space. Like maybe you have a guess that something's going on, but you're not sure, you have like an intuition, to learn how to coach or have the trust to go into people's facades and pull them out into the arena for them, that can be a huge service you can provide to people in their lives. Sometimes people just being able to communicate something they didn't think they could and then have someone support them through that, can be massive, massive. Maybe someone doesn't feel like they're very good at organizing, and you find that out and you actually help them over the next year become a little more organized. And that's an area they felt really insecure about, but now they have some proficiency in, because you waded in and pulled it out of the facade for them into the arena. So one thing I'd like you to think about is this ... is the process in fidelity to growth. And as we're looking at this, just write anything that you know is either in your arena or in your facade. Just quickly for yourself, just a quick self reflection. Is there one, like this might be the thing, or arena might be a thing you've gotten in every review for the last six years. Usually it's the same things in all the reviews. Like I'm not great at being on time, I really work on it, but that would be my arena, talking about being on time. So they'll make sure they send me a car 30 minutes before I actually need to be there. So for you, what's in your arena? And what are you holding back, what's in your facade? The reason I want you to think about this is because the same thing is happening on the other side to the people you're gonna give feedback to. So whatever it feels like to you to weigh in and think about this, if it's uncomfortable at all, or it's hard to think about the areas you're not as good in, think about other people maybe having some of the same feelings, that's the way we build compassion. Okay, so this is what we're doing right now. Anything that someone's willing to share from the arena space, something that you know about yourself and other people tend to know about you that you're working on. An area of development or strength, you can brag about yourself right now. Yeah. I would say becoming an early riser, that's super difficult for me, but I know it's important to me to wake up early in the morning, so I think... And who knows that about you? My manager. (laughs) Your manager knows. I have told her that I lose my timing, because it's hard, and I've had that conversation with her. I would love to be here at 7am, but that's just not me. Yeah, and does she do anything to help support you in your development? Yeah, she is flexible with my timing. I get to work like at nine, but I'm there until like six, seven, so it's fine. But that's a personal goal for me, to be an early riser and be at work at like 7:30, eight. Great, perfect. So she does help give you a little more flexibility because you had that conversation to support you. Anything else from an area of arena or facade, strength or weakness? Yeah, Andy. I tend to move pretty fast, and that's, very often our greatest strength's our greatest weakness. So in that sometimes I will miss some details that are important. So I have to work on slowing down. Great. And who knows about that slowing down and how do they supprt you? Yeah, my boss. And how does your boss help you slow down? She's pretty good about giving me feedback as it happens. Like, "Hey, this little error happened", and we have such a great relationship that I'm just like," I'm in lightning mode", I'm just trying to execute, and it just teaches me to slow down. So you have a little term you can use sometimes, "I'm in lightning mode.". Yeah. That's great, that's a huge component. Then if it's in the arena, we can make little terms for it, little ways to catch each other. Absolutely, we get a lot more power and accountability when it's in the arena, we have lightning mode we can go to. Perfect. Anything that's in a facade that's a strength? Like something that maybe you think you're good at that other people don't know? You haven't shared or gotten a chance to prove? One thing I would look at is, think about for people on your team or your peers you're working with, is there an area that they secretly want to grow in or have that they haven't been courageous enough or confident enough or clear enough that they wanted to actually expand? That's an area of coaching we can bring out, help them mine that and then help develop them in that. Fantastic. I want you to just kind of sit with those feedback pieces as we think about how we're gonna give others feedback or receive feedback for ourselves. So if feedback's so great Cory is doing a course on it, and I've spent all the time saying, "WhyFeedback, WhyFeedback.". Well why do we even need to have a course? Why is it co difficult? Do anyone have any thoughts on why it's difficult? Or why we need to even have a course on it? Pretty much do it all the time. Yeah, Laurie. I feel like your fear can get in the way of it, of hurting people's feelings and taking like the emotional side out of it. Absolutely, the fear of what is gonna happen if it goes poorly. I think people usually avoid conflict, and I think that kind of goes to the same point, if you have a fear of conflict, if you get negative feedback. Yeah, what we say is probably there's discomfort and risk. Discomfort is just something that doesn't feel good in your system, which kind of is probably related risk. But there's actually like real, tangible risks. You could ruin a relationship, quote, unquote. Maybe that's not the right relationship for you anyway, or maybe it wasn't really your fault, but there is that real risk that something might happen. And there's a discomfort that goes along with that, just, "I don't really wanna go into that "conversation because I don't wanna have to "feelings that I'm gonna feel if I go there.". Those are two reasons it's so challenging. So what do we need to overcome discomfort and risk? First we need tools. I mean, it's cool to have the intention of being great at something. I want to be great, but you actually have to have the skill of it and know how it works. So some tools, you probably already have some feedback tools, so keep using those. If you've learned anything about how to give good feedback, bring that to bare today. We want to bring all of your genius, we don't restrict any genius in this class. You also need discernment. When and when not to give feedback, to whom and to whom not to give this kind of feedback or that kind of feedback. Or what setting do we need to provide to give this feedback? Discernment, discernment, discernment, use your intuition, your intelligence, but don't let your mind play tricks on you, if you can, to prevent you from giving feedback. It can start quickly turning into the game of like why I can't. We don't want you to get rid of your discernment, it's very important. The next is eloquence. Can you find an artful way to say this, can you think through how this might be received and say it in a way that someone can actually receive it? We're gonna talk a little bit about eloquence, but I can't just give you eloquence served up in a package, it doesn't work like that. It's word choice, it's tone of voice, it's pacing, it's timing, it's everything. What I want you more to think of is, "I'm committed to eloquence and I'm working towards eloquence everyday of my life. "Even if I failed today or I feel like I'm not an expert.". This is something to be allotted in the environment, and people who ar every eloquent, copy them like crazy. Courage, that's the last one. There is no way around anxiety and fear in this space. Sometimes it's really not that scary, but if you go to the farthest reaches of feedback, you will hit fear at some point and need to call on your courage at some point. We're gonna talk more about courage and fear and how to dance with it, because what we don't want to do is just try to white knuckle through it. We'll give you some tools for that. And overall, what we want to do is integrate that into an in balance an intentional approach. Think about, "What is my mindset, "why do I even wanna give feedback?". You have to be anchored to that higher purpose for why you're giving the feedback. Is it for their benefit, is it for their benefit and the organization's benefit, is it for everyone's benefit? And why and what? You gotta be connected to that so you can integrate all this and not get lost in the details, but remember why I'm even doing this in the first place. So we learn from trying, don't forget that. We're gonna try today, and I really encourage you to step into, when I have some opportunities to participate on this, it might feel a little scarier than some of the other ones we've done, but I really encourage you to try. It's gonna really help you. Two, discomfort and risk, we just talked about that. We're gonna play with that today, and we're gonna have some tools that will help us. So first, exercise. I want you to pick a real example of feedback you need to give upcoming, or feedback you gave that could've gone better. I prefer you pick something that's a real example you feel like you need to give. Later I'll allow you to change the details to protect the innocent, and also you might not need to share it at all. But most importantly, I want you to be thinking about and be anchored to something real, so this stuff has more relevance. So the time you spend in this course will actually benefit you in reality, not just in conception. So take, I'm not gonna give you much time, just think of some area or some person you need to give feedback on, or you did and it could've gone better that you kind of want to redo. So I'm gonna trust that we are anchored in at least one area of feedback, it just has to be bullet points for you to remember. It could be a person's nae or situation, or name of the situation, just something short. So what we're gonna get into next is now we're gonna start about the mindset of feedback, okay? Talk a little bit about why, let's get into, what do we need to have as a mindset in order to be successful?