Lessons

Lesson Info

Building Relationships Without Being Annoying

How to build a relationship without being annoying to answer that burning question here you want me to tell you how all right here we go boom ok uh how to rebuild a relationship without being annoying I think the first thing that's worth considering is that really relationships okay the kind that air lasting a friendship marriage a business partnership whenever it might be don't happen in a moment you know maybe you know somebody who was it renee zellweger who tom hatter it hello and all that stuff you know I don't believe that stuff you know I think it takes time to build up a relationship right and the truth of the matter is the relationships you build today may not flour or generate anything of significance you for for a very long time I mentioned at the top today that the gentleman who's the ceo for creative live general by the name mika salmi who I met years ago back when we were both working at sony music and the truth of the matter is neither one of us could exactly remember if ...

we where we met or how but we did have that connection and so here twenty some odd years later we find a way tio come together and do something fun right so it takes years for these things to pay off um I'm going to mention some of those which is part of this new digital world where everybody consent you an e mail and if you're accessible like myself you get all kinds of emails and I've had people that will send me an email and all seven act like we've got a long relation I got one just last night I'm not going to mention her name but I got unlinked in somebody sent me a email and I accepted right and all said she's asking me to refer her for something or something but I'm thinking to myself come on you kidding me? I don't even know you you know you could be some spam for all I know but and then another one today that said, uh I can are you interested in consultant caesar? This is that I could put you onto this really rich and I'm sitting there thinking okay, all wrong okay, we're going way too fast number one and I get married I'm not your friend I don't even know who you are I hit the accept button does that mean that sound like we're in a relationship there? Kate now we're going to do it more if I ask you to marry me today, gasquet crazy that would be legal but you'd sit there going oh that's flattering but come on, get out of here old man, right? So the point I'm making is that relationships are built up over time think about it though just getting there again silly now anyway bottom line is relationships don't start with an email and don't think that you're somebody's buddy you know nathan is a good example here reality of making connections and tryingto just have it be a starting point that's what is it's a starting point I think you had a question earlier about you know trust and believability and credibility for online said we'd get to and I want to talk about it now relationships you know in in terms of network in context you know, maybe one day nathan says will you recommend me to somebody right like the gala sent me a note today I would only do that okay if I felt strongly about that person because what's happening is if it's if somebody that's just starting off asked somebody that's been doing it a while for an endorsement what that person is doing is taking all of the credibility that they've built up in all of the goodwill and all of the track record that they've built up for years on their own and there be stowing it to you right and the people that have been doing it for a long time like myself no better than to put that imprint on there without absolute certainty that they know that there's good a that that that that they would hire that person right when people have asked me how would you recommend to buy my standard line is I feel so strong about I would hire them that's that's the highest compliment I could get you get that from a person like me from doing what you say you're going to do now this is going to sound like your dad or your mom giving you this speech right except I'm not your dad and I'm not your mom so you can take it for face value don't have to fight it you know you're smiling right if I said this my son he'd fight me over right but it's true you build credibility by doing what you say you're going to do it is that simple it could take you thirty five years to build up your credibility with somebody in bag you could lose it like that okay how does that take shape in the business? Well if you are working with me or you're working with somebody else you you're a manager working with an artist for alexa are michelle or nathan's going to be in the animal when you when you're talking to those people and inevitably things you're going to go bad right? You're gonna have to deliver bad news or I'm going to ask you to do that kidded about like say do and then done well not everyone is done but when you're talking about building up credibility in a business sense if something's going wrong right and I've delegated some to you and you're now hiding it from me trying to make believe everything's right right when when your copilot is not paying attention that plane's about to hit the freakin wallet san francisco that's a problem okay that's not going to build up your credibility so how you react when things are going poorly for a guy like me it's the cynical guy in me I want to know how you react when the when the crap is flying okay why because we're gonna be there a lot ok so I got to know that you're in it with me when it's good when there's bows to take him when when when crap is flying everywhere so that's important stuff you know your credibility your reputation khun do networking for you in ways that you don't even know if you've done a great job if you've done what you say you're going to do and you've handled things the right way people that you haven't even met here about you by reputation I can't tell you how many times over the years you know I've come and met somebody and they'd go man I've heard about you and I always get oh I hope it's good but in my heart of hearts I'm thinking I hope they heard of me because people should know that guy does what he says is that guy delivers you know that guy may not be the softest touch and he may not be the shoulder to cry on but if you want it straight you go talk to that guy so I get people referred to me all the time hey ran would you talk to this guy about something people I've never known right of young manager the other whose name shall remain nameless he's managing a happening band a friend put him on he said you know I I heard about you steve and he heard about your show and he just wants to see if you've got an hour to go have breakfast so I did so credibility to that person's question is one of the most important things you can have it's not something that you khun buildup in a minute you know, people when you're young you wanted all that happened in a day and I was an impatient guy you know is you khun might imagine but you learn that experience in credibility only comes from time and and the bitch about experience and all that's left is the older you get you get more of it it takes you a while to get it but what you learn as you get older is that you're not nearly smart as you think you are but you are much smarter than you were when I was your age okay, so just know that credibility is absolutely is your stock and trade it's everything and so don't ask somebody to give you all of that without showing him something right? Relationships are based on mutual interest right if somebody asked me to do something for them and they're not calculating what's in it for steve rennie right why would I do we talked up lunch upstairs about person I'd worked with who was happy to do something for me but it always end with 00:08:08.875 --> 00:08:12. what was I going to do for him okay long before he 00:08:12.95 --> 00:08:15. proved that he understood the game this guy hired 00:08:15.65 --> 00:08:19. me this is all about making him look like a hero and 00:08:19.67 --> 00:08:22. a set of me going and telling how great a job I did 00:08:22.1 --> 00:08:26. I'll just keep doing you know and then when he asked 00:08:26.47 --> 00:08:29. me to do it will be done and they missed that point 00:08:29.79 --> 00:08:32. so mutual interest how's it going to help somebody 00:08:32.91 --> 00:08:34. else and we're going to talk about this when we get 00:08:34.48 --> 00:08:38. to your plan here right understanding where that mutual 00:08:38.18 --> 00:08:41. interest is ok so that when you talk to someone you 00:08:41.01 --> 00:08:44. meet him that you have a game plan you haven't asked 00:08:44.45 --> 00:08:47. and you make it easy for them to say yes that makes 00:08:47.81 --> 00:08:49. sense for everybody so 00:08:50.95 --> 00:08:51. let's see what else 00:08:52.85 --> 00:08:54. this is something that some of you folks they're going 00:08:54.76 --> 00:08:57. to be working and a big company need to think about 00:08:57.33 --> 00:09:01. and then we'll get to the plant this idea of personal 00:09:01.43 --> 00:09:04. value in a relationship I worked at a company when 00:09:04.33 --> 00:09:06. I first started off there was early predecessor of 00:09:06.72 --> 00:09:08. live nation where I worked at avalon attraction that 00:09:08.97 --> 00:09:10. was steve ready that lot attraction right now it was 00:09:10.98 --> 00:09:13. the guy at all the concerts and so all these people 00:09:13.41 --> 00:09:16. would come to the forum and they knew this guy brian 00:09:16.26 --> 00:09:18. murphy and they knew this guy steve ready brian murphy 00:09:18.68 --> 00:09:21. was a boston steve's his boy right so they needed 00:09:21.65 --> 00:09:24. to meet us to get backstage passes parking and all 00:09:24.14 --> 00:09:27. that stuff so I got very used to be in steve renny 00:09:28.39 --> 00:09:31. of avalon attractions right and I was yeah yeah yeah 00:09:31.74 --> 00:09:34. yeah man that's what I learned that not knowing anybody's 00:09:34.91 --> 00:09:36. name because everybody knew me and I was gonna say 00:09:36.33 --> 00:09:39. but how you doing I left the company to become a manager 00:09:40.14 --> 00:09:42. because as we discussed earlier I wanted to do something 00:09:42.96 --> 00:09:45. different and I accepted that I was going to take 00:09:45.18 --> 00:09:48. some risk and all that stuff the shock for me was 00:09:48.23 --> 00:09:51. is the day I left avalon traction became steve renny 00:09:51.21 --> 00:09:52. of steve renny 00:09:53.35 --> 00:09:56. phone stopped ringing so 00:09:57.5 --> 00:09:59. you've got to be understanding where you are so the 00:09:59.57 --> 00:10:02. relationships that I'd built on somebody else's died 00:10:02.85 --> 00:10:07. because I happen to be the booker didn't come with 00:10:07.25 --> 00:10:12. me okay on ly the personal part the credibility that's steve run he will tell you what he says and he means it ok he'll do what he says he's going to do if it doesn't happen he'll call you I'm saying man I know this but you know what I just crash that plane in the freaking bay here but you know what I'm getting these people that's part of it. I'm making a graphic example here to make the point. Okay, so that's, some big picture stuff for you to think about.