Lessons

Lesson Info

Hub Players

We are going to be talking about hub players were also going to do some exercises and I'm going to put everybody on the spot now I'm going to be calling you up on the stage but what I wanted to do is I really wanted to talk about the importance of the people in your network that are uber connectors and how important it is to really kind of find these people identify them and really look at the strength and power of the relationships so how players these are people that are highly networked individuals I'm sure that you can relate to this when I talk about it they are the bartenders there the matchmakers are the ones that get energy from connecting people I think you probably are one right right so yeah yeah you're definitely one you've got the event that people that really get inspired by connecting people and that they get energy some of us like myself actually need to recharge after lots of connecting and networking where it drains me and then I'll recognize wow I need to go home and...

recharge and so usually there's a witching hour for me around ten thirty or eleven I'm gone right but look at who are these people because meeting one or two of them can change your life so they are the ones that are on the move they excel it storytelling at a party there the one that has the semi circle of people around them right there, always chatting and talking. S o I'm going t share a couple stories that are in the book about how players and how they've really dramatically impacted my life. So one of them that I'm going to share she's in the book lily is someone she's in l a and I met lily and john at a conference, so at a power pocket, I was on a panel with john, and he happens to be the head of cw network. So this was about four or five years ago, and what happened was we were on the panel, and then the next day at breakfast, I I saw them. They were sitting at a table next to me and again, spontaneous conversation, random conversation. I could have just let it go. But I said you were on the panel with me last night. Nice to meet you, my name's porter and, you know, started a dialogue. We started chatting and we realized that we had, you know, children in common, and they had lived in san francisco so these connections can start and you never know where it's going to go, right, so ultimately, what happened was I took the job virgin america I ended up having a production company called and said do you guys want to do a reality show so all things that I could have never ever predicted and there's a great quote by steve jobs says you cannot connect the dots until you look back that's what networking is about to you can't connect the dots until you look back you know never know how a relationship is going to impact you so what happened in this situation is you kind of forgot about the relationship with john and lili they were very nice I had met them the one time, but when this production company called they said we're going to go to l a we're going to start visiting studios, you know? Do you want to come with us? And so yeah, that'd be great and c w is on the list that c w I know somebody of c w now here's one tip for you when you're meeting people keep notes keep a list of contacts because I was able to then save myself cw I've met somebody from c w and I had john and lily in my contact list I was able to then say, hey john, I'm coming down to c w we met two years ago at this event it be great to say hi while I'm at your office so having that random connection in the past all a sudden has served me well in a business environment because I had kept the contact I had the information where I could follow through what happened was lily then heard that I was coming and she obviously was an uber network ever because she showed up with a gift for my daughter she's like oh, how your daughter must be you know, eight now here's a little t shirt for her and I'm like that's so thoughtful you know, um and started inviting me to all sorts of events and ella fortunately I flew for free at the time so I would go down there and what I started to realize is that lily is ah hub player she is totally and you were connector but what was interesting was when I talked to john about this guy said your social life must be crazy because they were constantly doing barbecues where, you know, sixty people were coming over in the backyard and the you know, kids are running around or and she's organizing a benefit event and I said it must be, you know, great to have such an active social life and that lilly's just planning everything he said she wasn't this way in the past she learned how to be a networker and so her story in the book is that it was really learned behavior for her um she happens to be chinese and had long discussions with john, her husband that she used to always look at it more as a transaction if you do this, what am I going to get from it? And that when she met john she realized that this was investing in their community investing in their relationships, investing in their social life kind of investing in their network. And I loved the quote that you had from rob yesterday about kind of you know how that all worked and that it was an ecosystem that was being built so ultimately with john and lily, you know, ended up closing the deal the reality show was on the cw, so you know, again, this small connection had a great impact later on in my career, I became good friends for them rob the director that you met from the lion king I met at one of their barbecues, so you have all these things where the connections keep unfolding, but the people that air hub players can accelerate your networks dramatically. So another story that's in the book on dh when I was talking about leadership of the sexes that book, sometimes we have a voice in our head that is is wrong where we're reading a situation incorrectly and women do tend to make judgments faster than men on that, and sometimes we're making the wrong judgment so this story is about a woman xem joe quinn who came in to pitch an idea at virgin america she's a leader in kind of the echo space and she wanted to put some content on the plane and I remember sitting there thinking she's above my league like she is she's got it all going on she knows everybody and I don't know if I was having a low self esteem moment or an old conversation moment, but I remember for some reason thinking she doesn't like me have you ever done that where you've been in a situation like that, you just you start having a voice saying that and it may not be true, right? So the meeting didn't go that well and, you know, she didn't come back for, you know, another discussion about the project it didn't move forward, but I ran into her about six months later, we were at an event city at the same table and I said, I know you I recognize you and she said, oh yeah, you know, I pitched you about six months ago and you know, here we are in a completely different environment we start talking about common interests hiking family, the environment on do you know, we had this conversation that was not a business conversation and we realized we had a lot in common so you know, what happened next is that we ultimately became very, very close friends and we would hike a couple times a week on dh she has, you know, dramatically changed my social life because she's so connected so the learning here is that you know, I could have when I ran into the second time is not have the conversation, but she had the same thing she had that conversation in her ted head where she didn't think I liked her either she thought I was tough that I was all business that you know, I was all about getting things done and that I didn't like her, so we both had the same negative thoughts going on and weren't even giving the relationship a chance. So aa lot of times that does happen, so challenge yourself to be open to these conversations challenge yourself to think about, you know, em I really engaging with people and giving people the opportunity and who are the people in your network that are really kind of these hub players, you know, people that have art galleries or coffee shops or restaurants their natural hub players on I would imagine, you know, theresa and the photography business you've probably been or been around a lot of them the event business, you're obviously a connector so think about that because they can change your networks overnight so thinking back about nick becky and jen nick becky and jen very different personality types in the book nick says you know he's very social and outgoing and he's a hub player but his whole challenge still is really figuring out what's his brand personality he's gregarious but he's not as focused but wherever you go there is an activity or an event that is always happening somewhere you know right behind where nick is beckel becky socializing is a little bit overwhelming for her because she has the five kids she's got some time management issues when she goes to a conference or an event she gets overwhelmed by conversation so she always sits in the front row she just focuses on taking notes and so when she finds somebody who's a connector having that person can really help bring her out give her kind of the confidence to be in an environment jen the other person in the book she also doesn't see herself as a hub player but she's really working on that she's trying to shift eso things that we can learn from them is that hub players are really valuing conversations and so one thing that's important is the basics of eye contact when you're meeting someone is very very easy for people when you're being introduced where maybe you're not giving good our contact you're not doing a firm handshake so think about that think about how you're introducing yourself I want you to think about your funnel tests and if you are getting into a conversation where you start talking about your passions and your purpose are you confident enough about what you're trying to achieve that you can articulate your goals and can you move it forward so I'm going to give you guys I'm going to put two of you on the spot and we're going to do we're going to pretend that you've never met before and you're going to have a mock conversation we're going to introduce each other so I think kerry because I see you smiling in the back what I want you to do I'm going to have it be carrie and david pretend that you've just met it a conference and try to start a conversation like one ofyou introduces yourself and you're going to start a conversation and try to figure out a way to have it be a natural conversation I'm gonna have you guys come on up here you could take the I suppose you could have you could have met on the couch or you could meet right here on the stage so how how we're going to introduce yourself and start a conversation hi how are you? Good how about you? I'm good my name is carrie david hi nice to meet you what brings you to the conference? Well, I'm actually um entrepreneur and I want to learn more about networking and meeting where people and you think I'm here to grow my photography business? I'm a photographer, and I'm really excited about meeting people that are, you know, in that field as well. Oh, it's great. I hope I'm not photographer. I love taking pictures of my kids. And so we knew that a lot these days. Excellent health to your kids about, uh, three and four. Excellent that's. Awesome. That was that's. A really fun age. Yeah, definitely awesome. So what do you what's your entrepreneurial background that's really interesting to me? Well, I started a company of light ninety is writing online communities, and we're really big. But, um, also didn't go anywhere. Then secondly, and start another company for about five years ago, and we can't big mba applicants portal into the selling it. Wow, that must be really exciting to grow a business to the point that you sell it that way. But that's something to me. I always admire people that have that scope to do that. It was talk in the beginning, but definitely we were warning worked out. Well, I could I find it interesting what you're talking about. I could let you keep going. So great job and I want to point out some of the positive things that you guys did because there's a lot of first of all you shared each other's names now we do know each other's names because we've been working together for a day and a half but I'm going to talk about some ways to remember names because when you remember a person's name it really is showing that you value them and even figuring out how to pronounce a person's name correctly you know you really want to do that so great job that you both did the names there also was really good active listening there where you were repeating back and asking questions about the other person where it was tell me more about the entrepreneurship david I also really enjoyed how you were talking about kids and trying to make an emotional connection so it was a really natural conversation you're a little bit far apart on the body language or maybe we're like he always kind of stuck in rio that made me feel like you were a little bit uncomfortable body language wise but really great job now we have the benefit that we've been together for a day and so it's not as easy when you're meeting someone but good eye contact how is the handshake? Was it a good handshake? People noticed those things the handshake, the body language I contact lots of positive energy carried also on your delivery so great job so remembering names and again this may seem like a silly thing but for a lot of us like myself it's challenging and so I constantly I'm looking at ways to remit member names sometimes I'm writing them down you know a lot of times they'll have to write down frenetically how to spell somebody's it's how to sound out somebody's name like all those things make a difference because it says hey, I care about you and I hear what you're saying and I don't know if this has ever happened to you in the past but those times when you've met someone like ten times and they're like what's your name that that's really damaging right you're like how come that person doesn't remember my name so again this may be a simple thing but there's you know the name game is there's all different ways that you can try to remember somebody's name and you have to figure out the techniques that work for you now it's important not to get to a place where you're constantly doing all these games in your head where you then don't hear the conversation so you know there might be one thing that works now I'm lucky I have a unique name and so people will say oh what does porter mean or how did you get that name? And so I think it might be a little bit easier for people to remember just because it's you know, specific, but repeating the name back, that was one thing carrie and david, you didn't repeat the names back, but you did. You've got the name, so that was good, but you could say, you know, one statement said, oh, this is dave. Well, david, really nice to me when you repeat it back, there is an imprint that happens kind of in your brain where that just gives you one more ability to kind of remember who it is think of a celebrity who has the same name I used to love playing that game, you know, who do you look like or, you know, some kind of celebrity name game make a rhyme in your head now, theresa, I don't know if they're any rhymes. Teresa, my mother teresa, mother traces delivery, biblical name I mean, it doesn't get any more remember that, right? Teresa and teresa and joe case a mother teresa and I bet you have that conversation a lot where it probably brings levity to the conversation, but also, you know, people say, oh, that's kind of funny and that they will remember it right? And don't be afraid, I know what I do when people I feel like they I've met them several times, and I clearly get that they don't remember my name and I'll just say oh yeah it's teresa you know, just go yeah, yeah I knew but I obviously they didn't know so it is kind of diffuses the situation so it's not awkward that's right? And again you're being you know, authentic about it and you can say to someone you know what I know we've met four times and I'm sorry but I I just can't remember your name I remember your face and I remember our conversation can you tell me your name again? That's okay, right it's it's showing your intent so again being honest about it, make an association craig likes carrots or david likes doughnuts. Not anymore because you have a business plan. Yeah, you know, do little things like that asked the person the orange and of their names for example uh, leah which I did have problems with your name yesterday, so I have corrected it now what's the origin of your name. My mother had a co worker from hawaii whose name was layup, which means child apiece in hawaiian so she just decided tio tweak it a little bit and that's how I got my name okay, so child of peace leia tweaking it, I probably will never forget it now so that's a very visual story right in my head I started thinking about you know a lay of flowers very beautiful I couldn't see kind of the emotional impact asking the origin of the name could be a really great way to again get that imprint um ask if there is any other story with it in the book I do share that my real name who remembers my real name wait you get bonus points congratulations porsche was not an s e was merry merry porter gail and you know the history on my name is said I was raised as polly all my life and polly for some reason is a nickname for mary I don't know why but it is on and it was always very confusing and I never really felt connected to the name polly so at age twenty two I shifted to my middle name and you know it was a great move for me and I really love my name and I feel but identified to it I've met lots of people who have done similar things where it's not necessarily changing their name but there was a gentleman with a very large greek last name and he always when he would go to a company he'd say you know what I don't want it to be george akhalkalaki la la la la la la la la I just want to be george k on the email and he always introduced himself as george case so that people can remember because it was too overwhelmed so think about if there are ways you know that you can either introduce yourself keep your identity stronger that are appropriate the other great thing that's happening now of course is that we're carrying our devices with us and you can ask for contact information you can you know, try to put in information as quickly as possible if it's appropriate oh can I send your your email or can we link up right now on facebook that's not unaccepted behavior and it's you know no longer just asking for a phone number which might be awkward you could you could really lincoln in different ways so yes great question coming in from the audience well one comment from a joy leaf who says you know actually find it helpful to humorously apologize in advance for how terrible I am at remembering names breaks the ice and it's a shared flyable there are a lot of people who feel that way yeah, I totally agree and you know what it's hard but even just bringing that conversation toe light shows the intent and that's almost a cz good as remembering the name right and that's going to give you that shared authentic connection and one question michelle and our v a when we were doing the role play she says that's the easy part but what happens when things start to fizzle out? How do you effectively close the exchange without it feeling awkward yeah, well, good good question sometimes what I'll do is you know also thank you very much for the conversation I'm goingto go check on something at the other side of the room or I'm gonna go meet some other people I think that when you're in an environment where there are lots of people it's ok to say it was really nice to meet you I'm going to go get a drink right now, you know? Would you like one? So there are ways to be polite but also kind of move on if the conversation has run its course. Okay, you know another thing at events, some strategies you know, going up to groups where it's two people instead of just a want or if it's a group of people instead of two people sometimes if people are engaged in a two person conversation it's harder to break in. So if there's three people in a group you know hi, can I join your conversation really nice to meet all of you it's great to be here easier to break it in the trio's and in the pairs also easier to break in near the bar or near the food table there is an automatic conversation there around food around beverages around drinks you know, if there was a speaker or if there was a movie or any kind of screening you've got a great topic starter right there, you know, obviously having a couple of events that are happening that are topical to be able to talk about that can give you the east easy conversation too so think about that when you're going to events, any funny names, stories from europe, your conferences uh no usually it's people dealing with my name so I'm very used to that but you know, I know a lot of people are over business cards, but I still find them valuable and for me I usually use the card to write notes about pronunciation or if we had an interesting conversation if I want to send them that article like you're mentioning especially for me if I'm running an event it's really hard to remember who all those people are, so I used the cards to write notes about something they mentioned or some follow up tactic and then that makes it easier to go back later and do that follow up that, you know, other people have talked about it being hard to do sometimes I love that in one tip I would say is you know, sometimes that events if you get, you know, fifty cards because you're you know, multiple days and your working hours I do the same thing I'll put all the information and then I'll just car about an hour to on my calendar I'll say you know, I'm going to follow up in the next twenty four hours on all of these, so those follow ups having them in a timely fashion within, like forty eight hours can be really important, and so, you know, literally sit in my hotel room or my house, and I'll go through the stack of cards I said that I would give them this uncharted kel, I said that we would link in we're going to follow up on this follow through if you say you're going to take an action, follow three because ninety five percent of people are not going to follow through on that, and so you're going to stand out and make a difference another thing it's back to a better but another good wayto took connect is if there's a speaker, you know, asking a question while the speakers up always be the one who's participating and then if you can meet them later on and say hi, you know my name is porter. I was the one that asked about the environment really nice to meet you. I appreciate you know that you were here and I learned a lot great way to get that conversation going and be able to have a moment for future engagement he wants to know, how do you know when it's appropriate to ask for contact info? Is there any rule of thumb if I've been speaking to someone for ten, fifteen minutes, or do you think that you just have to play it by ear? What do you think? Yeah, you know, I think that you can read a lot with the body language, and sometimes you have to still have to be, like, careful because it might be easier for a female to ask a female for contact information, and you want to make sure that it doesn't come office, you know, if it's if it's a professional interest you want, make sure it comes off as a professional interest, but what you can always say is, you know, if you don't want to give up your contact information, you say, you know what? What I do is I, like toe lincoln with people on linked in you confined me on, linked in and connect moved me there, it's a very so safeway, because you're not sharing a lot of public information where you can manage and control it. So if you have any hesitation, don't give out your private information, you know, but if somebody says no, if you've asked for it, don't be upset by that either, but having your head kind of how you want to do it how you want to manage it I also have different e mails for different things I have one email that is personal email with all you know the friends and then there's an email that I still read it all the time but it does come through a different email words you know more about the book and more about work and then I can sort through things much more easily okay or you can connect with me on twitter I say that a lot well, you can find me on twitter because you can as we've demonstrated I will be a second you stand by that yes, I do I got to get back to it right now okay, so another thing conversation starters eight a once a conversation has started it it's much easier and sometimes there is that like that awkward moment of silence where people aren't chatting and so if you're the person that's hosting a gathering, there are lots of ways to start conversations you know, having like we were talking about your breakfast where you have a theme where you said that ok, we're going to be talking about this book or we're gonna be talking about this theme that's an obvious conversation starter another thing that a lot of hosts will dio is if you are having guests to a meal, start the meal with, you know I know these people by you know I know teresa because we met through this I know david because we met through this where you say something favorable about each person that gets the connection going in a dinner party using name tags I actually am a fan of name takes even though some people don't like to wear name tags I think that they can be a really nice thing for people so if it's you know a fancier of then you have to think about it but I've seen name takes where people will put you started off where you get the check in and it says I will and then you have a conversation I will at some time you know do something so I will float in the dead sea before I die I will run a marathon I will you know whatever it is some kind of intention and so then it becomes a game where there's this immediate conversation where people are look at that you will float in the dead sea that's so interesting tell me more about that so it gives people a conversation starter already lily and I share this in the book I think it's pretty funny but when I went to one barbecue at lily's she had named takes for everyone and she is one of those persons that people that does calligraphy name tags you know where you want to save it you're like that's so beautiful and I remember her pulling me aside into the kitchen and she said did you see anyone with a star on the name tag that you liked and I was like what and she said I've got a secret code on the name takes the people that have stars are single and the ones that have hearts are married eh? So you know, she only told this to her single girlfriends but you know you can do funny things with name takes so there is an uber connector you know to an extreme where she's you know, the matchmaker she's doing everything multitasking you know, having theme nights I've been to drumming circles you know, game nights book clubs anything that's interactive is a really great way to get conversations going or game where you're like asking a question the table how do you define happiness when you ask people specific opinions about topics again you start to have shared interests shared conversation and it can really get things going bringing an expert to the meal somebody that's talking about it I've been to dinners where they brought away wine expert or maybe the chef for the person that's preparing the food talks about the food but all of these things were going to given ease to conversation and you know it's you really acting like a hub player where you're putting energy into the conversation and getting that going question yes definitely we have one from both chiluba and serious both want to know they always have a hard time networking in a room of vips any suggestion on starting conversations when people are much higher level yeah, you know, I was actually thinking about this because of our guests yesterday who were very, you know, very impressive backgrounds and resumes, and what I was thinking about was how down to earth and authentic they were, so I think a lot of times with the vips to recognize that they're just they're a regular person just like us, even sir richard, you know, I obviously was very shy the first time I met him, and then you realize that while he's just a really normal, nice person right now, I've also had it in situations where I had been at maybe speaking events where there's been, you know, a celebrity with a bunch of handlers and it's like, oh, I'm really not going to engage in that person that's probably not going to happen, so be natural, be thoughtful, don't be pestering the like, if you're getting that vibe like this person doesn't want to be interrupted or bother, don't do it, you know, also, I'm very much against, you know, asking for the photo, you want to just treat them that they can be respectfully in the environment that you're in on virgin america, we had a rule about celebrities flying where you were not allowed to ask for their photo you were not allowed to tweet that they were on the plane, he wanted to be respectful. So the same kind of thing in person, great question have any of you had situations were car conversation starting any successor tips that you want to share? Kerry? Actually, just last week I was kind of introduced tio I'd say the mastermind and say a master spirit group of that one of my girlfriends and invited me to kind of join in on one of the calls to meet her, her group, and so she start we've known each other since we were in sixth grade, so when she started the call, you know, it was like, how do you know kerry? So she absolutely blew me away with all of these. I've never heard anything so wonderful about myself from another person, it was just really like a great way to introduce me to the group, and I think and all the other women did the same thing, so by the end of that, I really felt that I had a connection with people that I hadn't met, it was only a phone call, but I think by doing that, you know, obviously, you know, as you really don't know people or if you know people better, you can kind of expound upon that a little bit but I think that was a really great way I felt really connected after that call you know I wouldn't have before that's great you know, a similar situation that I have a friend who is going to be living in new york for six months and because I lived there previously and I happened have a trip coming up I said, well, you know, would you like me to host a breakfast where I can introduce you to five or six of my girlfriends so that you have some friends while you're there just like, oh my god, that would be amazing. So that's a very easy thing for me to do because these are people that I want to see any ways and so you're you're supporting other people that is being the hub player where you're not hoarding your contacts you're thinking about the we not just the me how you can support other people on their journey and so aa lot of that is also just taking the time to think about what's going on in other people's lives what can I do to support them in terms of you know, have they moved? Are they looking for a job? You know, for example, last night I was thinking I was like okay, there's, somebody I want to introduce david to who does public speaking training there's a couple of people I want to introduce maggie to, like, you know, do that, do the inventory in your head sometimes think about are there any opportunities? And, you know, a lot of times I will introduce people and I'll say, hey, you know what? I was thinking that you two might have something in common here's what? You know what the connection was that I was singing about? I leave it to you to decide if you want to have a coffee or meat, and I'm sure that sometimes people don't follow up, but often people will say, well, thank you so much for thinking of me or introducing me that was great, and it might be business stuff it might be, you know, personal, but doing that where you're proactively bringing people together gives you the glue in your network that when you are in a situation where you need to ask or you need support or you need help guess what's gonna happen, you're gonna have people that want to come and help you, just like michael yesterday said about team players, so I am going to share a story that's a little bit more dramatic but it's in the book, and it happens to be about ah, very close friend of mine somebody who I would say was in my course circle and when I was turning forty so I'm over forty there you go there's one age clue I was having a party here in san francisco to remember this story bigley bigly ok, so what happened was jeff who's basically my best friends since seventh grade on and we talked on the phone every single day he was on his way to get money out of an atm and you know sadly a drunk driver hit him and he ended up in the hospital so it was a very tragic situation but what I want to talk about is that he was such a hub player and he's he's still with us he's still alive but he was such a hub player that when he was in the hospital he was in the hospital for like three months his room was filled with people that were constantly like coming around him. It was everybody from, you know, the choir at church people had a journal it was everybody supporting him. So if you are the person that is nurturing and supporting the network when you have a time of crisis change pivoting need anything like that, you are going to have people that surround you and I remember you know, sitting at the conference at the hospital in his mom saying I had no idea he had so many friends, right? But he was always a person who would do the dishes at the dinner party. He would, you know, sweep out your garage or whatever it was. And so think about that and think about how are you helping the people in your network? How are you helping your core circle and your secondary circles? Um, putting you guys on the spot a little bit? Have you had any behavior activities where you've acted like a hub player, maybe other than the conference? Because that's, obviously, you know, the perfect example of it where and you've got your breakfast, so you're bringing people together in a group, any other situations where you're bringing groups of people together for me, I I have never really been big on birthday parties, but I have friends who are really into birthdays, so I ended up doing a couple of years ago was turning my birthday party into an excuse to bring my friends and like my business friends together because the world didn't really mix, and so I just turned it into what I call an awesome people party. I'm like, I just invite everybody I like, regardless of how I know you and bring you all together. And all these different relationships form, and then when I'm on facebook and I said them commenting on each other stuff I'm like, how did you meet each other? And then I'm like, oh, wait, it was at the party, so that's been really fun and that's something that I do every year now, great, and, you know, that doesn't have to be an expensive thing either it could be like, hey, we're all going to meet, you know, at, we're gonna have a pot luck, we're going to meet at a place where you buy your own drinks, like you can do it in a cost effective way, because people, you know, they want to be there to celebrate and be part of, and it really isn't about, you know, fancy and extravagance, so love that, teresa, you know, I mean, you've been on the trails with me and marin and I happen to live at that some amazing trailhead, some of big hiker, networker person, I actually just set one up a break for friday with somebody who had been wanting tio mentor with so he and I are going to hit the trail and so it's, just easy, because it's, forty five minutes or an hour it's a quick loop and it's a great conversation, so any time anybody wants to hit, hit the trail with me and happy to go great great and you know, I think it's because of geography that we both live in the same area, but, you know, a lot of what I do with, like, women friends is I'll say this simply it's like on saturday, I'm going to go hiking and I whoever wants to show up, come and show up and you know you'll have ten or fifteen people come and people like being invited to things like that and you're getting both e you know, you feel for filling the conversation and community need and a fitness in the past she need so overlapping your interests can be a very effective way of networking and connecting, so think about ways you can create overlaps and get a couple things done it. Once I have interviewed quite a few venture capitalists and tech people, you know, things aren't just happening on the golf course anymore there's, kite surfing and, you know, people are at the gym where they're they're making deals at the gym and so look at those overlaps that maybe common threads in your industry and see like, is that something I want to get involved and do I feel comfortable in that kind of environment? Can I made connections where that when I'm doing two things at once right, so we're going to do another quick little, you know, put you guys on the spot, but I'm going to pull on theresa and leslie, and what I want you guys to do is you're going to do a mock conversation again so it's going to a conversation starter and come on, please sit on the couches and all right? So I want you guys, you're you're at a dinner party and you've you've never met before, and I want you just to again now that was gone through some of these tips have a conversation and we're going to give you an analysis. Hi. Hi, leslie eyes teresa teresa it's. So nice to meet you. What brings you to the party? Oh, I know the host and I'm they grew up. They have kids in the same school system. I d'oh. How about you? Oh, well, we met a long time ago. We used to work together. So, um, the way we worked at a company in the city that does technology stuff, so that was a long time ago, but, you know, we have kids the same age. How old are your kids? They're nineteen and twenty now. Yeah, are they are they nearby there? Nothing college, yeah, san diego once here locally really have you did you live in san diego before I did a little bit of time in san diego a free college right after high school yeah all right so great what you guys think pretty pretty natural conversation flow body language again I don't know if it's the couches but it does there's a little bit of an awkwardness going on with the body language but I like that you're getting you know the connection you got the names no no issue with the remembering the names because you already know them but I think that you know, think about that if you hadn't met each other before that would be one thing where you could improve on that on dh then also maybe just a little bit more energy guys seemed interested blinking a little a little more energy that you know you're you're actually excited to be talking to each other and you know it's fine like people want to feel like you know, wow, I'm I'm so glad to meet you and they'll bill respond to that energy definitely and the thoughts from the audience something I felt a little fake and I was on a role playing here side I feel like I could start my spot yeah definitely and I'm always a little scared of talking to people so that's a that's a hard thing okay, well you're doing a great job at it so thank you for that any comments from the audience or the the online way have a common in the chat room? You mentioned the vibe and giving off the body language, and carol says that when she has introduced herself to people in the past, when she meets a stranger, they say, I picked up on the most friendly looking person in the room to introduce myself to you have the nicest expression to sometimes just being there, giving off that expression invites people to come and connect with you. Yeah, that is right, that's great, yeah, guy kawasaki does have a book called enchantment, where he talks about that even just smiling, where it again, it's, having that look of being open and that you're like, oh, that looks like a fun person to talk to, you know, you you can see that and read that. And so even with my daughter sometimes she's just a little bit moody, or she won't be watching this, so I don't feel that way. We're going through a, uh, line at a cafe the other day, and the gentleman who was serving a said, hey, well, you know, why don't you smile a little? Because she was just like rock and, you know, said are like, people are going to respond to that, like, have gratitude we you know, be happy for what we have and you know, make sure that you are doing that and if you are acting in a way where you are, you know, gruff or short a lot of times your tired, your hungry, you're stressed, and so look at what can I do to improve myself to make it easier for me to connect with people? Maybe we haven't exercised, you know, maybe you're feeling offer rushed don't put yourself in that situation, we're going to feel ultra stressed and alter rush like, be preparatory where it's like, ok, I'm going this thing and I want to get there at this time like, don't get all stressed in the car plan appropriately so that you feel good to have these active conversations, ok, great, you guys would sit down questions from hub players, you know, one thing to think about this is again, you know, if you're not a hub player, what can you learn from other people? And I've heard a couple of you say that you want to be better networkers, so think about the people in your network, what can you learn from them? And I think the tip from the online audience about, you know, people that are smiling or engaged, like even things like that where we can think about well am I open when I'm meeting people do I have a good handshake do I have on contact and my smiling you know one thing on virgin america with the flight attendants we would always say you know what if you smile people are going to have a better experience and it's true right? So those little things make a difference are you generous? Are you participating in giving back and my guests or am I always a host putting you guys on the spot? I'm going to guess that you're the host because you are doing the birthday party you're doing the conference how about the rest of you are you always the guest? Are you often the host or kind of a balance on a balance your balance okay, so you're about a fifty fifteen yeah so good you know if you're if you end up being one hundred percent of guest that's when you have to start looking at am I creating the activities and giving back to my network and do I need to proactively plan you know a lot of times when our calendar is empty it is because we're not engaging and proactively making plans carry I would say I'm probably seventy thirty on the guest side and like when I think of host I think of like having someone over like to my house not just hosting a group you know but it is there is that same um the connection there, so I think that I definitely need tio be more on the host end and kind of spearhead more things because I do enjoy doing that and depending on where you're going to do it or what you're going to do, you know, sometimes you're limited by, like, where you live what's the size, you know, but just to do groups and things like that, um, I think I definitely need to be more of a host to be more attractive in that way, okay? Leslie, um, I think I actually end up mostly being a host, um, because I found that it's often easier for me to be the person who plans and creates the event and brings people together rather than just trying to show up and talk to people that I have a built in excuse like, oh, I'm doing stuff I'm hosting, so I'm introducing people like it's it's it works better for I think, my personality to actually host great david I mostly host I I like to create events on things I like doing so I love barbecue. And so every year I was like this big party for the meat fest where we just get together and is gorge on meet lots, people show up and it's fun, yeah, good for you so I love that you're you're doing it around things that you're comfortable, you're being very proactive, I guess it doesn't surprise me that you're mainly, you know, kind of outgoing extroverts, because you're here at this class today, and so your outgoing and you're actively looking for things, thea other thing is that, you know, you can do this in the real world, but then you can also do it online. You can do the google hangouts, it's a great way to do it. A lot of people are doing, you know, podcast now where they're they're interviewing people and then sharing their interviews, and so if you have a geography situation, look at technology, and how can you bring people together? Google hangout is amazing, it's it's, great technology, we're going to have a think up to eight people, or how do you use google hangout? Because I've, you know, I've used over chatting and that's pretty much like one on one chatting like, how do you actually use it? Sure, so you have to have a gmail account first, so if you don't have a gmail account, sign up for that, and then on gmail there's a thing called the circles where you would go on to google plus, and you need to make sure that the different accounts are in your circles, so let's say you wanted to do we wanted to do a google hangout with all of us. We all need to have gmail. We'd all need to be in each other's circles, and then one person would would basically start the chat. And it would just like when you're setting a calendar invite where it says, would you like to invite people to this chat? I would put in your email addresses and since you're in my my circles, it would connect to you, and then it would send you a thing. Porter has started a google hangout are, you know, chat, and I think I think the terminology would say, like, you know, there's one person in the circle, would you like to join? And it immediately will pop up and you can start to see who's there, and and what's great is that it is voice controlled, so whoever is talking ends up being in the lead module so there's one main figure and then there's seven down along the bottom. The other thing that's great about it is you can video, you can record them, and then you can post them on youtube later on, so people are using them for, you know, interviews, coffee talks, webinars and it's free it's it's really amazing so it's a great way to bring you know up to eight people together the only thing that you have to be careful whereas if you're doing a live chat a lot of people will combine it with a twitter chat so they'll say just like the hashtag were using here today is porter live while they're in the google chat will say you know maybe you're tweeting at the same time use this hashtag so if somebody is dropping in and out and somebody comes in if it's full then you can't get back in you know I'm saying so I fell out of a chat that I was in it was like, oh no, I can't get back in because there's you know, there's technology flaws nothing is perfect have you used them successfully before I've ever initiated one but I've been a guest on one a couple of people that I know they have weekly hangouts where they talk about different topics around business or entrepreneurship and then I've been a featured gaster I've been one of a panel of guests and we did have people drop out here and there but since we limited the number of people on it it was easy to get back on but um I know coaches who use it for some of their programs so they'll do monthly calls and have their clients on the hang out yeah that's that's great, I've also heard of lots of musicians using it to where, you know, you may think, oh, well, it's, just an audience eight but a lot of people who have gotten a lot of visibility by, you know, doing little hangout for that I'm going to play my song, I'm going do this, you know? So using it as a performance space could be really interesting, so in that area you've got, you know, the google hangouts, skype is limited in terms of the number of people that could be on it, but hangouts are great face time is also another one just to, like, get your conversation across the net wave webinars, and there are a lot of different platforms that are available where if you want to do this type of thing where it could be not only a conversation, but there are platforms where you can have your power point, where you're sharing a power point and talking at the same time. So, again, lots of technology that is really interesting for connecting that we didn't have, you know, five or six years ago, okay? So moving on some of the tips that I would I'd like you guys to think about, you know, your body language, people read a lot more out of your body language, even little things like leaning in, leaning back, there are tons and tons of books on body language, but think about that, and one thing that you might want to do is, you know, frankly, again, videotaping is very inexpensive now because we all have, you know, smartphones or ninety seven percent of us do have someone videotape you and just, like, look at it and look back and see what do you see? You know? And and what kind of posture is are you always with your hands crossed when you're standing? If you're always with your hands crossed when you're standing that's going to come off as closed at an event? So think about body language, maybe you ask your wife or a friend too, you know, interview, you are videotape you at the next breakfast and look at it look for things like the arms and the oz look at if your eye contact is going off to the side, I have a weird thing where I always blink with one eye and I'll see it in take them like, oh my god, I'm blinking at that person, they think I'm but it's like it's, just something that I do, I can't stop it, right, so think about your body language think about your eye contact firm handshake is really important. If appropriate even a simple gesture of like touching a shoulder or an arm that may sound awkward but that can really demonstrate kind of an attempt to have ah more defined relationship now funny story there was actually a time when before obama was up for the presidency and he was still senator there was an event that was happening here in san francisco and the photographer was actually one of my friends and I think you treat that might have given me the recommendation for the photographer but so afterwards what was interesting I was looking at all these photos there were maybe two hundred photos of obama going through an event and I looked at them you know, very specifically in every single one when he was you know, shaking a hand he was always touching a shoulder touching an arm you know, really, really specific eye contact so you can learn a lot by looking at how people are engaging and that's, you know, part of politics obviously, but they're learning how to make successful connections really quickly so people think, wow, he really saw me he really acknowledged me and if you start doing things like that where you're acknowledging people it's like, wow, I'm being valued I'm being seen because at the end of the day you know, a lot of what we're looking for is to be recognized in valued and see right, so think about that cultural differences. There are a lot of cultural differences, so, you know, traveling abroad and thinking about these things, things like business cards mean one that we do know about us, you know, business cards, if somebody from asia is giving a business card, like there's gonna be a lot of intention to it, you want to really look at it, give it kind of thought there was an email that I received recently from a woman from africa, and she said that the book was really interesting to her because it talked about the ask and where she was from, people don't ask for things, and so she was like, I didn't know that I could culturally, like, ask for things him, so try to think about the cultural differences if you are doing any kind of global work, global situations, we talked about the names oh, my gosh, trying to follow up by sending, you know, a thank you note, that's, hand written or a gift or an item? Isn't that amazing when you actually get some kind of thank you from someone? Or how, but even a birthday card like a riel birthday carton, right? We get so busy in our lives now that those little things where it may be that extra mile can be huge. So you know the annual christmas card, you know, even if it's a paperless post one so it's more cost effective and, you know, green or for the environment, those things make a difference. So thinking about that, have you guys in the last, you know, year received anything in the mail where you're like, while I can't believe this person did this, um, one of the former speaker's at one of my conferences, she sent me a hand written note after just saying no great job on the conference, thank you for asking me to be involved. And then someone who's conference I spoke at she and her business partner, they sent out thank you cards to all the speakers, so I just thought that was a really nice touch to kind of get that in the mail is a follow up. Wow, that's great. See, that little thing can make a huge difference, teresa. Well, I was just thinking last night when I got home and I checked my facebook messages, I had a really sweet message from a bride that I photographed about ten years ago, and I haven't we haven't been in touch at all, and she found me on facebook and she sent me a message saying how grateful she wass for her photos. But that must have felt when I was like all of the sudden I just don I'm like I didn't really take it in last night after you know all my shenanigans and yoga and um but I was I feel really touched by that right now and I responded and my gosh thing you know, thank you for reaching out was a privilege, but it didn't feel it until just now yeah yeah I have one story that is that you were just reminded me of that that I'll share before going on this list but um because I was a documentary filmmaker I had done a film and it was, you know, way back in like ninety six and it was on young women with breast cancer and sadly the mom of these twin girls passed away but I had all the footage from the film in the film was aired on lifetime ultimately what happened? You know, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen years later ninety six to now what was it a thirteen seventeen you know, I got a tweet from one of the daughters who was four when we did the filming and she said, you know, I have the footage from the documentary I watched all the time like it means so much to me like I had no idea that it would have that kind of impact on someone right that she would listen to to it so she could hear her mom's voice but so what happened was she reached out and she said you know I'd really like to share my story and you know unfortunately this girl was battling leukemia and she had had her own battles with cancer but she said you know, I want to learn how to be a storyteller you helped my mom tell her story can you help me and now this connection would have never happened if it wasn't because of twitter right? She would have never found me so you know, we I started mentoring her a bit on you know, why don't you right some blog's like write some articles like you know that kind of thing which will be talking more about this afternoon and you know at a certain point because the relationship that it just was pretty special and pretty unique and I felt very you know, ingrained with this family I thought I'm going to fly up to seattle when I'm going to meet her so I went in I you know, I flew up and I met her and it's that whole thing again about you don't know the impact of your actions so teresa those photographs like how important and you know special they are two families it's the same thing with that piece of film or even, you know, going up and meeting liz in person and so putting the energy into those relationships so powerful, so don't get bogged down day to day today and again, if you remember anything about this course, we started off at the beginning where it was when we spent so much time thinking about money and our finances. Are we thinking about our relationships? So I'm going to put you on the spot. Are you thinking about your relationships? Arrests? Yes, yes, absolutely of course, I mean, it's it's, um, things where, um as here, a creative life and, you know, the position that I'm in, like I do, I meet a lot of people on a regular basis where, you know, it's it's, we have amazing students who come in all the time have amazing speakers who come in all the time, and so we're kind of in this role as sort of ambassadors and people who, you know, are talking to and meeting everyone and so it's this a lot of this stuff is stuff that I've some of that I've been doing unconsciously, which is great, and I'm like, oh, god, I'm doing it right on some of it I'm like, oh, I could really improve on that way, and then, you know, really kind of keep those relationships going after the workshop, which is really important. Great so you know what? I want you guys to think about? We've talked about, you know, being a hub player, we've talked a lot about mastermind groups, I'm a huge fan of that, you know, we've talked about google hangout what I want you to do right now is seen it over the last day and a half, we've talked about events we've talked about, you know, social media, we've talked about purpose plans, what I want you to do, and I'll have each one of you say it is committed to some new action or new behavior that you're going to do in the next six months. So carry something new that you're going to do in the next six months to build your network and your relationships. I was a, um become more of a host on less of a guest, and when we're talking about shaking it up yesterday, you know, I am I have not shaken anything up in quite some time, so it's just getting out of that routine, and I know and I love to do that it's just making the point to do it at the end today and all I need to see my husband, and I'd love to remember what my dog looks like, you know, like the things that we're all doing, like being involved in our lives, but I think it's just really important in so many ways to just make yourself do that, so I'm just going to commit to one new activity and month on dh, whether I'm a host or a guest, but at least committing to shaking it up, okay? Great. And are you willing to put that on your calendar, like you will schedule it in and do what you say? I'm going to do one thing a month? Absolutely great. Teresa. What no activity, josh, I have so many little things going on. Um, I don't know, I have I definitely want to start with reconnecting with my coaching family, we we've drifted off, and that was one of the things I was thinking of trying to resuscitate our facebook page because we've all dropped off. So that's, the one thing I wanted tio immediately create, um, as faras having gatherings and hosted that's kind of this happens organically for me on any given night of the week. Good elia, yeah, um, there's two things I'm kind of trying to do differently. One is in terms of being a guest. I'm trying to go to more purely social events. It's really easy for me to go, oh, that could help my business or teach me some new skill I'll go to that but when it comes to things that are purely social, I tend to shy away and had a really good experience at an event that was actually focused on beer and beauty, which is like a weird combination but is really fun and I blogged about how it was it was helping me shake up my routine and it was fun and I had great cupcakes like it was a good time on dh sounds like it could be with the meat event you guys together so yeah, yes trying to go teo more events that are social unless business focused and then in terms of business and being a host I've been thinking about creating a weekly hangout or podcast for my women's network to sort of help tie all the members in who are in different parts of the country great and you know what? The podcast in the interviewing people when you start building a platform like that, it gives you a great excuse for meeting people could you say I'd like to interview you on my podcast? I'd like to write an article you know I'd like to do this it gives you a way where you're celebrating and, you know, recognize them and it's a really great way for for making introductions, so I love the podcasts idea great way to repurpose content to leslie anything new you want to do in the next six months um, yes, oh, I also I'm really interested in the idea of some kind of podcast or some kind of more virtual way of connecting with this kind of group core group of women that I'm interested in furthering my network with because we had the in person breakfast thing. But I I think I want to shift it a little bit towards having a topic or speaker and bring people together for something more intentional. And then, uh, the other thing I was thinking about is really starting to get serious about finding opportunities to speak. Because I feel like I have a lot of things that I want to share with people and the blogging. And the writing has been a really good exercise in that. But I feel like there's more people that I can reach more effectively if I can start going out and speaking more great, great. And you know one thing that you might want to do because you have. This network that's already surrounding your block and I'm imagine you have a lot of e mails is you might want to say to people, I'm looking for speaking engagements here are my three topics if you have any ideas or people that you could recommend me to, I would really appreciate it because once you've done a couple of them, it gets so much easier again. Having a power point of the topic is also good because you can put it on slide share, you can do a webinar of it, and then you can kind of demonstrate what it is. So, you know, think about the topic great writer about presentations is nancy durant, a d u r a n t e has a lot of great information about slide ology is her book about how to put together effective presentation so love that, david, six months, what are we going to see that's new from you? So we like to do three things the next six months wants to write a regular blogger article ideally twice a week. Um secondly, I would like to start interviewing people as well because, you know, a friend of our people, so I think there's some interesting day to talk about it so I would love to do that on third is, uh, used twitter more effectively to start curating content, sharing it great, great! And, you know, in a lot of ways the book is actually a bunch of interviews with people and it's very rewarding process. At least it was for me to go out and talk to people and that when you funny thing that would happen and said I would I would have these conversations where it was me interviewing someone for an hour, right? And then afterwards they'd send me. No, that was a great conversation. Well, it's, just because I have a story about how that really helped a friend of mine because I went to law school, uh, for your third year paper, you could do anything pretty much. And so one of my friend decided to interview lots of ceos in the valley about entrepreneurship, but I'm really a book. Yeah, he's been an interview, everyone. Yeah. Then he came out to the valley and became one of the top investment bankers within two years because knew everybody the whole interview process? Yeah, he had a great contact base. There is another story in the book about a woman who is her business, she's in the advertising world and she's in a function called account planning, where it's about consumer insights and consumer research. And she was up for a review, and she realized that she didn't have a lot of information on salaries that she felt intimidated and that she didn't know what to ask for. And so she decided, I'm going to use my own tools, and I'm going to do a salary survey, and she did it on a you know, confidential basis where she sent the survey to, you know, five hundred people, and then she published it to the group back, saying, you know, this is what I found, and so then other people in her network were able to go and get, you know, higher salaries, able to negotiate with more information. She had an instant community because she had added this value and this new practice, and she did that for free, but it benefited her, it benefited others, and now, when she travels, she has a built in network of planners around the globe. So think about that it's the same kind of ideas interviewing where you're bringing that value. So we are actually going to move a teresa, and I just wanted teo I wrote this down last night, and I want to make my bigger statement than what I just made because I feel it was important for me, but what I wrote down yesterday's, I want tio collaborate with a wellness center, two house monthly meetings for women and men who need emotional support and wellness help and self care support. And so, that's, what I was thinking about on the drive home, a swell, like how that would be so cool to put together? Yeah, that would be great. You be giving back hell, yeah, there's also building up your credentials in this space exactly it's perfect, and, you know, we were talking before about, you know, getting involved in events, and when u convulsant ear time for reduced money, there are places like the tap root foundation is a good online site where you can volunteer your services to various nonprofits, so, again, looking at that, what value can you add? And sometimes, you know, it can be challenging to juggle schedules, but when you're in a transition point like david, where you're deciding, ok, I'm going to do extra when is he? You might have a little bit of extra time now that you won't have in the future, and so if you want to do that volunteer opportunity, or you want to get engaged in a project, or you want to do the photography shoot, where you're you're helping the kids, you know, those are the times where you want to take advantage of those pivot points, but any questions from our fabulous online audience, you know, we have questions on a couple of sort of semi related topics, not necessarily anything that we've been directly talking about you might take in a couple of bring it on got a couple of minutes, um, way have anything in the audience right here, by the way, I haven't asked you guys yet. It's good, good. I've got one here from photo. Katie she says, I've done a lot of networking. I know lots of people. I have a large list of contacts, but what do I do with this list? Do you recommend a monthly newsletter? What's? Another way to connect with a large group of people regularly and to let them know what I'm up to about my business. I guess we've talked a lot about making those connections, but what happens when you already have that large list? Yeah, yeah, I love the idea of the newsletter, you know, doing a monthly newsletter, it's it does take a lot more time than you would think. And so, you know, really, if you're going to commit to that, make sure that you have content that's of value, you know, otherwise you could probably do the annual christmas card that's, one of those lows long christmas cards where, you know, I do get a lot of humor out of reading some of them, like, oh, my gosh is hysterical but, you know, another thing that I've seen people do is they'll keep an outlook folder where everybody that they know that lives in new york is one folder one and everybody that's in san francisco's, another folder, and then they'll have that, you know, we're all meeting for cocktails, I'm coming to town, and we'll invite everybody that's in the city folder, so you can kind of bring people together. So, you know, I say newsletter is great if you really have the time to do it, and you have something of value to say, I would ask the people that are on the list have they joined for a specific reason? Like, is it a photographer then? Well, if you're sending the newsletter, you maybe curating some articles, and I thought these were of interests because of, you know, this is in this and that's why I'm sending it to you, and here are two events that I'm going to you'll be going there too. You don't want to just spam people with long e mails because people don't want long e mails it's also important that if you are sending out things that are multiple e mails like that, like, you know, to follow the email rules, there are a lot of canned spam rules where you need to do it. Legally where people have subscribed in because there are a lot of fines that could take place and people need to be able to unsubscribe with one click so do your homework on email make sure you're doing it right if you're doing mass mailings all right let's go with a question from serious who says I have a question about regaining a network that has been lost I was in the film industry for fifteen years in l a left for ten years and now and wanting to go back but I don't know anyone anymore and the advice on getting back in touch with old context that haven't heard from you in years yeah you know that's that's challenging I think about that sometimes myself I haven't made a film in years and I'm like well you know make a film again you know I think you have to be honest with people like that you're reconnecting with like, you know, I've been doing this other thing but I would really like to reconnect with you could we have coffee you know start with small asked to try to reestablish at the same time I think we heard a lot yesterday about having that kind of creative thought the creative energy what are the ideas that you're passionate about that you want to discuss? Maybe you want someone's point of view on a project that you're doing the point of view on, you know music s o you know have have a specific conversation that you're you're wanting feedback on just don't go blindly with nothing so instead of just saying hey, I want to get back into the industry it may be hey, I'm working on this film and I really I respect what you're doing in your career could you give me some advice sounds right can you please ask porter to speak to issues faced by quote women of a certain age who are looking to make changes based on what they want the rest of their life to become specifically most people in communities which support my passion and vision are twenty plus years a younger and way more in tune try to get out there but inevitably feel like I just don't fit in or meet the accomplishment expectation of someone with my age and experience um well, you know that's a very, very honest and common feeling and you know I'll be I feel myself like somehow we start aging and really how did that happen? I feel like I'm a twenty year old inside and I just saw one hand go up right a couple hands goes and so what I would say is that you're not alone and I want you to recognize that that feeling a lot of it is it's an interior thing that's holding us back and so you got to try to let the age issue go be as confident as as possible with who you are and what your experiences and don't stop yourself from making the connections or trying, you know, I do remember when I applied for graduate school, it was very late, I thought it was late, you know? It was it was twenty nine or something, but back then I thought I was late, right? And it's, you know, you're never too old to try something new, and you're never too old to learn and grow, and so it is hard, but try to put the age thing aside and go and have fun and be confident and recognize that you're going to bring probably a savvy and experience and a confidence to the table that maybe a lot of other people don't have yet. Treece said, david, since you guys raise your hands, any thoughts on that, I was going to say, the one thing that keeps me again minded and youthful is I have friends of all ages, I don't I'm not an ageist I have friends there from my kidsfriends tio twenty to thirty, forty, fifty, sixty, seventy, eighty, like literally every speck yes spectrum yeah, I think that's really important. Yeah, you know, I do think that it is challenging when you're looking for a career that in the interview process, even though age is not supposed to be, you know, a factor. There is some ages, and that happens in interviewing, and we can talk to bill the recruiter today about that. But so when those situations start to happen, you have to really look at, you know, first of all, is the interview process fair and legal? And am I representing myself as best as I can? Is this the right environment for me? Should I be looking at other opportunities, that kind of thing, but try to be strong and confident and grow gracefully into our our years?