Lessons

Lesson Info

Think, Edit, Speak

So this is normal conversation now the person who's answering the question I'm going to give you I'm gonna give gary a specific question to ask and I want the person answering the question to do a new technique called think at it speak everybody take your thumb and touch your temple say think think se edit and then speak altogether think at it and it speak how whatever question he asks you I want you to have two rules rule number one be silence as long as you want before you answer twenty thirty, forty seconds it doesn't matter it's not like we're on live tv or anything second rule I wanted to capture the essence of your answer in one coherent sentence and the sentence has to be completely done in your mind you can see it and once you open your mouth you cannot change one syllable rule number one long silence you guys were just gonna watch rule number two one coherent sentence and when you're ready you answered the sentence okay question is ready begin so how's your career going over a...

ll so far and why my car is green great so far because stop you're still editing your still thinking start again silence along one sentence is done in your mind once you open your mouth you can't change a thing how would you guys answer the same question? My curry is great going great so far because it's everything. I expected it to be good. Now I'm going to give a test question as scary same two rules. Okay think at its speaking I want all of you including online to show me with your thumb or finger. What stage you think he's at in this brain so I think carrie's thinking like this? Oh, I think he's editing now and now he's speaking everybody understand so your question is got it ready begin when you leave the job you have now how do you want to be remembered? I want to be remembered as somebody. Who's made a lot of contribution to the company and somebody who was easy who's really easy to get along with. Good. So a brilliant answer to a really difficult and thoughtful question there were no there was no weak language in your answer. Why not? I thought about it where's it go where? The weakling which go tossed it out. What stage? At what stage did you toss it out at the end? It phase you're all super smart people with high brain speed online and all these clever, brilliant people what do you usually do? First of the think I did speak what do you usually dio show me with your finger which one you d'oh careful which finger you show the audience way think we speak first and we think it added all the same time and you're so clever and charming intelligent you get away with it but you don't have to so we're gonna do this technique over and over and each time you get mohr more concise number of people who said this one technique one of them says save me three years of therapy she said I thought it was dumb I thought I was an airhead you don't you don't have a rambling promise did you have an editing problem? So when you're really smart we have a we have a tendency to you know the expression in english beat around the bush you know this expression smart people don't beat around the bush they sprint around the bush so now you're going to ask questions of each other random questions and you guys did your part for king country so you're off why don't we bring two ladies back up and you decide who goes first and I'm gonna give you a choice you can ask a question that's in the car come on up or anyone you want but whoever's answering the question has to do a think at it speak be very comfortable twenty thirty, forty seconds before you answer each time you do this technique if you do thirty or forty repetitions in real life, what happens to that silence just sort of gets shorter and shorter and shorter because you're now adapting your brain speed to the editing phase not speaking thinking face and as you do it plateaus around four, five seconds he don't want it to be shorter than four five seconds it's called being thoughtful I don't know greenspan, but they said in meetings with him he would sometimes take a minute before answering and everybody would wait but it was worth waiting for the answer that they got so you decide who goes first you're gonna ask questions whatever they dio you do think at its peak and it will help if you actually used the demonic use your thumb and then whatever they answer, give him a short open question or colombo and see if you can get him to a deeper engagement you guys do the same thing with your partners online you can think about what questions you would ask for what you might do differently for the folks on stage everybody understand ready begin how would you sell yourself if you were a car e I would sell myself as a red car that is very active, doesn't use a lot of fuel and has a shape that makes people happy red car yes, I read because the car I have now is red and I absolutely love it and people say it reminds me of them all right, stop there now you asked her a question alright, freeze. Flip the cards and then do it back to a couple of repetitions. Keep going. Keep practicing think it'd speak in short, open questions in colombo go. What do you think is the key to keep communicate well at work. Wait, I think the key is open minded empathy without an agenda. And why do you think that having it an agenda gets in the way of really listening to what the other person is saying? Great let's, stop there. All right, what do you know the scene? Well, you know, I've seen about thinking let's speak very powerful, crisp answers. I almost feel like I'm speaking to a public personality. Politicians anchor percent it's a trap. It helps you realize how much of our normal sentences are weak and this not that the rest of stuff wasn't okay, but that's the problem it was just okay when you cut it all out all if you cut out everything it's ok or mediocre and good, the only thing that's left is great. So this takes you to a whole new level. All right, here's, what we could do to practice and online community help us out. Everybody has a partner gonna come up one at a time on stage when you're on stage your partner is going to ask you any question they want can be won in the envelope for one life give me what's the meaning of life it doesn't matter you gonna ask him a serious thoughtful open question that there's no way they can answer quickly if they're gonna give us a decent answer the person on stage doesn't think I did speak you don't have to use your thumb you could just think and the person who asked the question has to follow up questions short open questions air columba ll the third one being from our online community and then when you're done then it's pay back time because then they're going to be on stage and you're gonna ask them an open question so if my partner is gary he's on stage when I'm in the audience I asked him a question what really matters to you in your work life blah blah blah he thinks thinks thinks and I get to follow up questions I canoe short open columbo what out? What needs to be true whatever I want and online community can also add any questions so everybody takes one turn in both the asking and in the being interviewed now when you're on stage you can sit or stand whatever you feel comfortable with every I understand the exercise okay who would like to go first so you have your partner and you want to be on stage sure okay so gary you're gonna be the interviewer okay today come on stage actually yeah, I like that better and then when you're done I'm gonna kick you off or do you want think we should do a live right away? We could do them live right away yes so then we'll just do a reverse then you gonna ask him a question that's really thoughtful he answers that I think that it speak so right now you're the interviewer he's the celebrity big shot politician movie star and you're the news correspondent okay? You're interviewing him and that new switch whenever you're ready begin so retest what do you think makes a perfect home perfect home right from a rocket architectural point of view or from somebody from the perspective of somebody living in the house uh I think a perfect home is where you feel like you think I could speak I think a perfect home is number one where you feel safe and number two where you feel powerful that you can do anything that you want to okay powerful what do you mean by that bar full as in it gives you the space where you can dream but in addition also weighs about how you can achieve those streams and why is achieving your dreams important think achieving your dreams is important to get a sense of fulfillment good let's stop there what did he do? Well after he did the thing go to speak he came over this brilliant answer about being safe and powerful that's like world class man dude keep it up and the questions were fantastic. Why does that matter? What what's one way you could make the question even stronger at the end is tie it back to your original can you give me an example of how you're home has helped thank you feel powerful so instead of a generic it would be a more personal yes and girls suggestion was what is your best memory of home great. So you just tie back something that's already been offered? This content that shared with the group makes it even more powerful great. All right let's flip it now you're gonna ask him any open question thoughtfully and that he answers with think and to speak no rush and we'll begin to see a pattern it gets easier and easier for us but you have to let your brain assimilate the technique. So, um gary thank you for coming in different studios uh if I had a time machine which could take you back to the day you graduated out ofthe college what would you do differently this time if you can guess with your somewhere he is if I had a time machine that could take me back to the day I graduated college I would tell myself to travel more and why's that so after I graduated college I went straight into the industry and started working I didn't really have a chance to travel and see the world and I think I don't have much time to do that nowadays where would you go? Where would you go if you could travel anywhere if I could travel anywhere I would go to the north pole? Why not not? I want to go to the north pole because it's not a very regular destination and because I think it's a crazy idea because he took the time he came over that you're not only clever but funny when you rush you're never gonna have your best your best option, same thing why no fool you could tie in? Well, actually we've been trying to get santa claus is one of our guests why do you want to go to the north pole? Any thoughts from online? Actually we did hear the sound of question did come up there as well somebody else was suggesting people to bury was saying perhaps you should have asked what do you believe you missed by not traveling good with lots of different ways? There's no right or wrong answer but you're trying to get to a place it's interesting for you interesting for them all right, good job team time for another one next pair who wants you decide who's the first interviewers one point quote about this technique that I really love uh dream life comments the silence is uncomfortable but these sharp answers are rewarding who's the best people to practice these techniques on innocent people in your private life so when you get home say honey how was your day sake feel strange but it assimilates and the more you practice if you put in the thirty or forty repetitions is just there when you want do you have to always have it on no but whatever you want to turn it on they will ask you a question immediately what do you think we should do on this decision? You'll be like long term before short term everybody like whoa but you have to give yourself that time who wants to go first? Shana yesterday you told us why brian was such a great fit for own the room can you tell us why on the room is a great fit for brian? I think on the room is a great fit for brian because he not only can show his leadership skills but he also can show his personality tell me about his personality get to brag so much about friend uh brian lights up every room she walks into I think I did speak start again lights up every room that he walks into how does on the room react to brian's lighting it up? What feedback does he get I honestly don't know if I know the answer to this question another way you can think about is that we're other answer that brian lights up the room said he enters if you think about forsaking his personality, brian lights up the whole room literally just that extra pause will find that extra three centimeters serious silly funny whatever you're going for but give yourself the time for it to flow okay pay back your turn to ask him a tough question you got one in your mind and let's say I want to put our host on we've been teasing them they've been teasing us so I'm gonna ask one of them do you decide flip a coin who's gonna ask one question one the other who's going to answer you decide you're gonna get to go next so jack who do you think has the ideal job and why the ideal job is the one that makes you supremely happy regardless of what it is that you actually dio supremely happy happiness to me hiss the thing that you wake up in the middle of the night dreaming about start out the morning dreaming about in the middle of the day you're dreaming about it and it's what encompasses everything you do in life good very good now don't forget when will you learn one time I think we're forgetting other ones how do you say dreaming with your hands it's gonna wake up in the morning dreaming about framing think good ok here's going to online is I wanna get get russ and jon I want the online community to type in any open question clever thoughtful anything you want but I want you to title it so this one's for john or this one's for russ and john's gonna pick one for ross and ron's gonna pick one for john and as soon as they've answered the question then you do the follow up questions so john when you pick one for russ whatever the online community yes you're gonna pick with meaty question for him and when he answers it you're going to follow up with what's behind that what's true a couple follow up questions right so online community think of one good one for us one good one for job so well they're uh they're getting those cute up and I'm terrified to see what they come up with the nice people way have a couple questions meg at hp I'm struggling with the body language during the think at it speak process and I said that it'll get quicker as it goes but what do you recommend as faras body language while you are processing well most people in your first doing the technique you become so concentrating your head nothing else matters it's almost like you disappear if you really do it well as you become more more comfortable doing that it becomes easier and easier to harmonize that thoughtfulness with your gestures and then when you speak you just turn it back on for me then you say me now you don't have to do every gesture about twenty thirty percent of your gestures is world class just once in a while but you don't want to do is just be talking like this and you're never moving all right ron will pause for these guys right way gotta couple flooding in wei do you decide who wants to go first I'll ask a question first okay john what makes an ideal friend an ideal friend is someone that you can rely on a ll the time who will always be there for you who doesn't necessarily share a ll the same interest that you have but is interested in knowing more about what your interest might be what you mean by be there I'm always willing to support you whether you're up or whether you're down um just being somebody you can rely on what kind of support do you look for someone who's gonna really listen to me when I need them to listen and that I can listen to when they need me to listen to them great excellent part the kid's got potential kid's got talent all right pay back time let's pick a good one for russ okay well here's one of the from property russ describe your most embarrassing moment so many possibilities uh right now keep it clean um geometry class in high school I sat behind a very attractive young lady the class taught us about various types of angles the young lady's last name was angle and I thought that it would be adorable to talk about how she is acute angle which is a type of ankle hand you embarrassed why? Because that joke did not land it off because everybody was too obtuse to understand you're my new hero you could never kid a kidder that's ok so what do we know that he's a difficult techniques they're not owning the states or not projecting your voice or exact opposite you have the greatest computer ever invented between your years but you coast on talent we coast on intelligence, charm, charisma or what we all have so much train yourself to be disciplined and then when you want to turn it on and off you can't thoughts questions from anybody online are all how do we listen actively? They're all experts in this there's a lot of other things we could cover how do we read in audience how do we think before we speak? Why does editing matter any thoughts anything related to the questions it's really going to require practice? Absolutely in a group context a lot of times I spent more time thinking about what I want to say and then end up not having a chance to share because the pace of the group conversation is usually pretty quick how do you I don't know how do you balance that or how did you get around that? Sometimes I get asked this in the coaching bill I mean, these meetings all these power people and I think of something really creative and funny and clever to say, but but I'm a little late they've already moved on. What can I do to really do that money people half the meeting goes through and they haven't said anything yet what's the problem with that people aren't using a roll in the room if you haven't spoken and the media is half over do people see you as a player? So you want to speak early in the meeting, most people think it's the speaking, the clever statements that really get us in there we'll sneak one of those in once in a while but it's actually this one short open questions so let's say jennifer's in a session with her boss's boss's boss one in the media and she is explaining a and b and c of our strategy and a is completely clear we're all making sense and b is not so obvious like you're not quite sure what she's saying what should jennifer do with that part of the conversation? Pass for clarification? Yeah say why is that true what's behind that are you helping the leader or hurting the leader by asking that question nothing helping the group are hurting the group health thing helping yourself or hurting yourself so who wins everybody who loses if you have the instinct to ask the question but you don't ask it everyone so train yourself to interrupt early whenever it feels right when it feels right say it why is that true was behind that you're not you're interrupting but you're interrupting to help world train don't interrupt the boss but you're helping the boss when you interrupt with a good question that's helping them because if you're not clear other people aren't clear either part of the mindset I want you have his trust your instincts mohr and act on them faster if you got a good question ask just ask it you got a nice thing to say to somebody just say it you're walking through paying for your groceries and you're out the counter and there's a cute little old lady who's taking your money who's working the counter and she has beautiful eyes you notice it what should you say? You have beautiful eyes most of us don't say it why not? Why don't she talking think you're hitting on her brave? She does as a bonus just say it the power ofthe information when it's positive is so much greater than we realize you can recognize people so much more than you think I learned this power a long time ago there was I was driving from michigan to boston and cut through canada and you go through the toll road both low you get the toll ticket all money you pay the amount which would have been seven dollars in my pickup truck. I somehow lost the toll ticket between buffalo all day on the high you lose a toll ticket but I did and I get there and roll another window and I can't find the ticket in the older man who has taken the take it said I'm sorry sir, I have to ask you to fill out this little form because I was bad I lost my ticket. I filled it out. I have to pay ask you to pay the full seven dollars no problem. It would have been seven dollars anyway, he was just so nice and thoughtful. I got my receipt and I wrote his name down. I still remembered mr mr vance johnson. I got to boston and I sent a letter to the toll authority total about three sentences long asian johnson was really doing a good job because not only was he handling me who's handling car's the other way just had a nice house too I never thought anything else about it. Six months later, two story got a letter from the head of the new york toll authority and the letters that agent johnson was given a commendation a copy of my letter went in this permanent file his bosses file his boss's boss's file all the way up. I learned two things that day first that the new york toll authority had never gotten a nice letter before. Second I learned about the power of recognition the disproportionate power off us saying what's good and right when it doesn't take much energy, someone does a great job for you sent a note to the boss. The waiter does a nice job don't think the waiter tell him to call the manager over. They'll sweat for about twenty seconds until the manager you're coming back because I waited to such a great job are that waitress? So whether it's asking a question or just speaking your heart, trust your instincts mohr and act on them faster. What was your offer from this session? Could've been something we covered here, something you learned from your partner something from the host of the online community. Anything we've covered, but what was your ha ha from this session think it speak one sentence whoever like to begin and a quick circle from their uh my arms are still broken. I got a shot with this uh columbo technique uh, I think that it speak technique, I've seen those kind of answers pretty much every day, but these are from people who usually earn seven to eight figures. It's pretty amazing to see those kind of answers coming here in this room. Short open questions. One word could lead to a long descriptive answer. I think, uh, just reading the audience and the reactions and and then feeding that back, altering the content of your back. So the columbia technique was very helpful for me, especially because I was the person on stage trying it out live. And I think just the technique is really good, because just asking one question about one word or following it up with one word is a very good shortcut for me. Something that is very interesting is that I have used all of that but never talked about it. On which you think about it. You can actually use them in a very good way on, uh, I just need practice for a lot of us. We use some of these at different times in different stages. It's. Almost like you learned. A little bit of why it works back. Feeling a little bit, way you already know how to do it could do more.