Lessons

Lesson Info

The Weight of Our Problems in Life

From this we're starting to see what your bucket's been filled with. These are the things that you carry around. Like when Des was talking about her five boxes that's what goes to work. Everyday. Good morning everyone. Five boxes. (audience laughing) I can't do it. And again it's not about the five boxes. Like when I talked to you a little bit earlier about that check engine light in my car with the black tape on it. I just lived my life and pretended that it didn't exist. Like I and the things that I pretend don't exist make me a little smaller. I get a little less able to be myself 'cause I can't be with that. So I'll put a bit of black tape over it or I'll put a screen over it. All right? And by the way one of the reasons why I put the black tape on it is like I'm busy enough. I don't have time to take this car. It's too much. And I noticed the burden of too much. In the background of my thoughts like, if I really look at my thoughts I can see that they're given by an internal dialo...

gue for too much. It's too much. I can't do it. All of those things are holding you in a certain place in your life. They give you that unique flavor that you are. And I know that some of you signed up for this course saying to yourself oh yeah this Scottish guy, he's gonna fix me. He'll do it. He'll wave that magical kilted wonder of his and then off we'll go. I'll be dancing off into the sunset. But here's the question. Why are you tolerating this? Why are you tolerating five boxes in your life? Why are you tolerating no money in your life? How come why are you tolerating being alone? Why are you tolerating you know that's kinda like resignation and I can't do it. (indistinct mumbling) I can't. They don't care. They don't care. Which is part of your resignation. People don't care. Like I'm the only one that cares. (heavy exhale) And as I was saying a little earlier as we started to get in touch with what Des was saying, it's not about the boxes. It's not about the people losing their jobs. It's something about you. That you're actually tolerating. You're not tolerating a lack of money. You're tolerating you tolerating a lack of money. That make sense? You're not tolerating five boxes. You're tolerating you tolerating five boxes. Does that make sense you guys? Are you starting to see like a little like oh. Hold on a minute. This is all a symptom of something bigger. Something more deeply ingrained with yourself. So this is an opportunity for you to get below the surface of this. To crack through the veneer of your okayness. Start to tell yourself the truth. To release yourself from the worry and anxiety of trying to hold that all together for whoever you're trying to do that for. Those imaginary people in your head that you're keeping your shit together for. (audience laughing) Some of you are doing it for your neighbors. Morning. (audience laughing) Oh. It's just five boxes. Right Des? It's just five boxes. Fine. Fine to... I love that. Let me find a screen for these things. (audience laughing) Swear I will cover this so help me God. (laughing) No like let me open one. (laughing) Just one. Totally get it. I'm laughing because it's the absurdity of all of us. Like what we do in life. Like it's absurd. So see if you can get in touch with right now what it is you're really dealing with. Beyond the kinda surfacey, you know. What are you really dealing with? Like for those of you that didn't go to college or you dropped out or something how come? Who's got an example of that like I didn't go to college because Hunter. Ran out of money. It was too expensive. I ran out of money. It was too expensive. That's what you told yourself. Making decent money now. Okay. (laughing) Still like my job. Now I'm too busy. But I want you to really look, look, look. You guys. Hunter's got a great example right there. Like I stopped going to college 'cause I ran out of money. It was too expensive. What if it's not that? What if that was readily available in to hand? I'd come up with a reason I was too busy. Right, you gotta get below, below, below, below. You gotta get a little subterranean here. See look you guys. You'll notice you can explain your life. And your explanations are compelling. (audience laughing) They're compelling. They are. You get your friends together. Did you ever see the cost of going to college? (audience laughing) It is ridiculous actually now that you mention it. Right. But you'll notice how like many people make their way through it even with that cost. Like a crippling cost yet they won't quit. But somehow it was compelling enough that you'd be out of there. I would invite you to consider like that was a it's not like it wasn't real the cost. The cost was real and very expensive. That's real. But at the same time you'll notice how that was your go to at that time. I'd invite you to dig a little deeper than that because of something about you. You were dealing with in college too. Does that make sense? Right. Hold the microphone for a second. Can you stand up so I can interact with you a little bit here so that we can do a little scratching at it? Some of you are like thank gosh he's scratching with him. (laughing) Not me. And here I thought I might get to escape back to my chair. I know. There's no hiding from this Scottish glair. All right so... Not being enough. I'm not enough. At the end of the day not actually being able to get it done. Yeah I don't think I can get it done. And so it's not like the money thing isn't real 'cause the money thing is very real but you'll notice it was like there and available for you to then... Convenient. Very good. I could just say yeah. I don't have enough money. It's too much like hard work but worrying away in the background was the doubt that you're enough anyway. And the worst part was it wasn't even the undergrad degree that was gonna be easy. It was the uh do I really wanna put in the effort for a law degree? Right. Can I? Do I? Uh. Let me make all the excuses and just go make a shitload of money anyway. Right. Right. And that's what I would call like a compensation for some failure of self. And so you live life in the aftermath of that failure of self. It's been rather awesome but. Yeah well the money will be nice to a point but the failure of self never goes away. It shows up in lots of different little. It's like whack a mole. (audience laughing) It's like darn it. I swear I saw it right there. It was right there a second ago. It kinda comes up like that, you know? Like those items of ourselves. And for those of you who maybe even already know this like oh yeah, I know there's something going on with me. You'll notice it hasn't made any difference though. It could still going on with you. All right thanks Hunter. All right so, (clears throat) how many of you would say you've got something in relationships? Like a relationship you have where it's kinda like this for you? Like there's something at play there? Who can give me an example? So is it in a family relationship or a love relationship? Love relationship. It's in a love relationship. Many of you would say you've got something going on in a love relationship that's not the way you want it to go? I'm not seeing many of you, this is like an affliction. This is raising your arm. Let me see. Give me one of those things here. All right, very good. All right so and then what is it when it's not going well, what are you saying to yourself? I suck. I should be able to be great no matter how he is. Right. You know look at the track record. I have a whole closet of that so... So you say to yourself I suck. Mmhmm. You suck is what it sounds like in my head. You suck. See? You can't. You'll never. I've never been married. I see why. Yeah okay. It just starts rolling. All right so let's take a little run at that then. So... How come you suck though at relationship? Because what? Um... (heavy exhale) I don't wanna be trapped in that. I don't wanna be trapped in a relationship? Mmhmm. How many of you have had that as an experience, like I don't wanna be trapped in a relationship? And unhappy relationship. Right. Yeah. And yet you are. (laughing) I keep going back to it, yeah. Yeah. What is it you never get to have in that dynamic? Peace. You never get to have peace? What else? Partnership. Partnership. Yeah. And the experience of... Having that person that's there. For what? All of it. To love you? To love me, yeah. Right so you never get to have the experience of someone being there for all of it, to love you. Because you're ultimately... (laughing) Unlovable. Right. You guys get that? Driving away in the background. I really got, that was very brave of you to share that with us. I tried not to. Yeah I know you tried not to but you can't contain yourself. (laughing) Yeah. So that is the reality of it for you though in relationships. What's burrowing away in the background that this isn't gonna work out for me because and you find this often like people out to verify for themselves what's in the background. Like you're not smart. Or you can't be loved. Or you're not part of things. Like there's some experience you're having it yourself like that. There you go. And yet we never really dig that deep. We never really get to the heart of it. We're too busy overcoming it. Too busy like trying to make our way through it without, like what's really going on with me at the very heart of all of this? 'Cause you'll notice. For those of you that have had the string of relationships that didn't work, you'll notice there's a common denominator. I know you keep thinking, yeah there is a common denominator. I attract assholes. Yeah, that's it. (audience laughing) So many. Tell your friends that over a glass of Chardonnay. I'm like a magnet. They just come at me. No what if you hand pick 'em? (audience laughing) Like, you're shady enough for me to do this with. Oh yeah. (audience laughing) You and I should do this. That's right. Old distant, don't care for people you. Yes. A hint of the dangerous. Totally. Let me rescue you from underneath that bridge. You're moving in with me. (audience laughing) That's right. Why? Because at some level they're like the perfect place for you to revisit that internal dialogue of yours. Like it's still there and still there like you see. All right thank you Shelly. That was a great, great little insight there from your life and the trust that made, yeah. That's acknowledge Shelly. (audience clapping) So what I'm pointing to here is often in our lives it seems like it's the thing that I'm at work on, like I'm at work on that relationship. All right or I'm at work on my finances or I'm at work on my social life or I'm at work on my communication skills. I don't even know what that is. (audience laughing) Skillful with the communications. Like (indistinct) your like with the communications. Um... (laughing) Give that to you. Very skillfully done. But if you look a little deeper, it's often something else. It's something maybe you hadn't considered.