Lessons

Lesson Info

Getting Favorable Results in Your Roles

But let's roll to the gut a question seven which one is going to be your major focus for this next year? Yes, they're going to get attention from us in all roles unless we're eliminating one. But which one do you need? A breakthrough in performance? So internet audience I need to ask you this that which one is it that you need a breakthrough in performance too? Really? Amp up your game, turn up your volume on it and get different results, better results, maybe more favorable results, but that one roll will get more attention and more focus from you not at the knot at the suffering of the other roles, but it will be the one that gets more focus, more attention than any other role and select what that role is again. Let your intuitive choose this your inner coaches talking to all the time, not the little gremlin on the shoulder. Push that one aside and go to this one, and and let yourself select which one that is. So you guys choose that now internet audience you choose that what would b...

e your role that you need to pump up, or that would be a breakthrough in performance? The question is actually in order here because the more that I focus on my career the less time I have to focus on being the other things in my life, so I guess I want to choose one, but I feel a little bit resistant to choose one because I feel like the other important role like um to focus on my career is a goal to get my business really going online is a goal it's something I'm taking a lot of action on, but my personal life suffers, so I want to I want to have it all I want the italian and this with alps it's a very top I want it all yeah, actually good question from the procrastination who's asking is the goal to strive for a perfect circle? Is that the ultimate goal here? Well, as a good coach, I'd respond. It depends what do you want on that really is what do you want? Uh when we talked about best year yet I introduced it with what matters most to you what's most important to you. So the question the answer is what matters most to you what's important to you? So if that's what you're striving for and it makes you happy and it fulfills you, then I'd say yes, of course in fact, I'd coach that person to that, but the one goal there's always one goal that we need each year normally to break through to really have a push a break your own performance teo teo get those results I it's it's usually aligned with that first question I asked you in the beginning about what would make this your best year yet there's something in there with all that um what you were envisioning what you were trying to capture as to hey this would be it not but the rolls in there so let's find evie oh go ahead it's actually this is a clarification because a feisty goat films says they want to focus on everything under their business owner umbrella which is videographer, producer and business owner but I'm from what I'm hearing from you those sound like three different things or is that under one good question that that is a good question and when I was starting off my business uh the rules I had a business owner were pretty much module ized teo the marketing person thie counting setting up the systems the administrative so it depends on where you're at and if that's where you want to give and you're consciously choosing to do that again I'm being unbiased here I'm not telling you what you have to do yes we're uh you know we all come from a parent somewhere so in it and whether you are associated with your family or not doesn't mean you have to be the role of daughter aunt grandma etcetera uh, if I'm going to use this next year to focus solely on building my business, creating a business I know at least I hope I know I'm going to be giving a lot of time and attention to that. The other part of this is, as I'm doing that, I'm also going to be maybe suggesting asking, requesting who knows? If I'm going to get compliance with it, will you agree friends, spouse um uh, family relationship that I'm going to do this and not enticed me away anybody go back to school here at one time I did and going back to school I went back for another coaching certifications, right? There's there's a million of them, but when I took on my first coaching certification sixteen years ago, it was a major amount of commitment, you know, back to reading volumes and volumes of books and learning new things and passing the certification test in and doing the hours and yet still doing my work that brought home revenue and then still being the person I am in life. But I went and I asked my family structures, my friends, everything around me in those roles I played, I want to take on this new role and is probably going to be three quarters of my pie spouse this is what I believe it's going to take and this is what I'm going to need to dio do I have your agreement, family, the same thing now I did that, that doesn't mean that they understood, or they didn't think now, aren't you done with that yet? Aren't you crazy? I love it, I love it with, uh, the book that I'm writing, uh, there was, ah, deadline in the summer, and, uh, and it was really a lot of intensive work towards it, and I knew that was going to be a big chunk of the pie. At the same time I was wrapping up some of the coaching engagements I had because I said I was going to slice that a portion of the pie off and increase the one of this new role of being an author. Well, the fun thing was, when I got this email from my mother, who said, now, is the book's done yet? And you're going, oh, okay, I think I better have another discussion about what commitment I made and what commitment I'm asking from you to help me do this. So as we take on these roles, no judgment, but make sure that the people who are involved with you understand where you're going and how you're going to slice up your time, ah, one one year I had I had a lot of time that I wanted to build relationships with the grandkids because they're in that formula tive year and and I really wanted to be more involved in them and so as I sliced out something else from the pie and I sliced in a little bit bigger chunk for them I needed to make sure that they wanted that to ah what was important to me was I wanted to make life memorable experiences for them that they would associate with grandma dori and grandpa jeff and if they didn't want to be part of it then I was going to have to go back and think about well what's going to go on now because it takes two so these people involved in your lives you need to also make sure that they're on board with you regarding how your pie is going to be split up if that's important to you so I'm not sure that's a longwinded answer for our friend on the internet lots of wisdom and they're so thank you again it's it's about thinking consciously where we're spending our time do we want to do it that way how did we do it last year what do we want to do it this year so let's hear which role erica you ready which role because remember you're declaring it the universe and the internet is going to hear it which role do you want? A breakthrough in performance so my coach which is I also see like as an accountability partner huh? So you're and now my coach like erica's code okay my role is there okay and and remember in your role as my coach you might hire a coach to help erica be responsible and accountable yes so I may hire a doctor to go do something for me and that's because that's the role of my coach taking care of me yes okay evie um so mine is one that I wasn't doing yet it was in that category of where I'd like to be I actually didn't say it earlier but I had an epiphany as I was doing this I've been communicating to people close to me about how I'd like to write a blogged my problem is I can't I focused my attention into what it would be about but that's a goal I've always had that I'd like to dio and I was sitting here piecing it all together and it came to me like I wanted to be an influence I want to be an activist I want to be a writer and it can all be in one and it just like that moment just came to me while I was sitting here so it's kind of cool and like twelve like yeah and what was your new paradigm it was teo light up a room I believe oh twenty nine with enthusiasm and authenticity ok to light up and and so notice how that was a nice little alignment for her choosing that major real focus also goes into ah ha. And this is going to be part of her new reality. I love that. I love that, ruth. Well, I you know, looking at the circle, I I did end up choosing self supporter as my focus. Um, and I had the thought that you know where that that's where the air goes in the tire s o you know, like, it has a chance of being full. I rounded. It does good. Good. That sounds nice. That's. A very nice breakthrough. I can fill that one in you. Especially with the smile. You know, you've hit. You've hit a sweet spot when this big broad smile comes agrestic oh, yes, this is it. Did you feel it in your body, kelly? Which one? Uh, business owner? Business owner? Uh oh, yeah. All right. That I saw you do this, though. Business owner is that? Are you sure? It's not a should. Or is it? I got it. I have to. I mean, I have to don't I? You know, I have peaks it the things that give to other people, and those are the enjoyable, um actions in my life business owner they act of marketing and all that other thing okay those are so the breakthrough in performance is going to be the business owner yeah all right I want to hear from you next year I want to see all the wonderful things that your guidelines and your new paradigm and with that extra added attention to business owner does is there a role that's going teo lesson no I don't think so I think I have to pump up my kelly as I called it compass curator who as well so that's kind of I have to look at what I really need to dio and make sure things are focused and I'm not doing should things that keep me off track okay, so business owner needs some okay, we've got to make sure this is in task and goal with the bigger picture. Okay all right, so yeah, I like that which could be curating staff or hiring people to do the social media or whatever it might be so that sounds good. I like that one. All right, becky creator creator um and you know, this is something I for the next year I just want to focus on okay nice declaration good feels good was good, so lock it in on page twenty nine you're loaded and locked let's go over to the internet and find out some of their breakthrough performance rolls they're not really saying what they're the roles are there they're sort of throwing out what they're saying is they're obstacles a lot of people are talking about family pressure for example people saying well, I wanted to go back to school but my mom said, oh no no no s o I think people are now getting into that area maybe this is not the right time for us to go there, but they're thinking how do you get beyond that family pressure the what is the people who are holding you back from pursuing putting your emphasis on your major focus? Wow, now we have that in very interesting last week we were on a course about a budget travel and our instructor was saying no, he just quit everything he did it and he went out and did it on his pen it seemed to his parents were very supportive of him in doing that, but quite often they're not your parents of raking very cautious I think maybe people are being held back by that yeah, I mean not letting the laid out a list of howto handle the niece ears, border police in naysayers that's what I say and and those border bullies and naysayers they mean well for you, especially when it comes to people who are very close to us when you when you wear the hat when you wear the role of spouse our let's try parent first it's a very fascinating thing because what is the parent want for their children? No matter what age you are your parent could be ninety three and you're in your seventies they still want the same thing and they'll give you a treasure trove in the basket of things I want him to be safe I want him to be secure I want him to be um uh uh financially secure I want him to be happy so I go great. Okay, you can have they put five things in what are the four things you want? What are the what are the three things you want? And then when it comes down to it what is the one thing you want to go? Well, I want him to be safe. No, I want him to be financially secure. No, I what I said above happy above being happy about being joyful oh, right, dorie you've got me all right. Yes, I want him to be happy, but they need to be and I whoa, whoa. Is that what they need or what you need? I mean, I'm so fortunate, my son one of my sons is has been following his passion ever since he was right out of high school he's a drummer and musician songwriter that is his passion and when you when you others look and they go how can you and you fill in the blank write that here he is traveling the world or or what do you call that couch surfing sometimes in his younger years doing all these things that look how happy he is look how fulfilled he is he's following his passion he puts all his emphasis on the role of being an exceptional musician and drummer and I'm so proud of him because all these years it's paying off uh he is working with some very reknown bands how bite there from the nineteen seventies there my era er and he thinks is great that all these old guys they're still out there singing and playing and I guess the drummer's got burnt out so piece he's doing it but he's traveling the world doing this and he's so on spot with that yes things air coming into life as he's in his thirties and he's looking at financial security and other things but it's thie first and foremost what really grabs him his passion is this happiness. So back to parents on what parents want for us our spouses they generally have your they think your best interests at heart and in mind, but you pill back that onion you want the corps to be that you're happy so I ask you in these roles are you happy in these roles the breakthrough, the role that's going to get your major focus this next year? Who that make you happy this year? Are you willing, are you ready to give that role more attention over other roles and produce a more the favorable results that happiness quotient for you? So you're good internet, you're locked and loaded, we've got our major role focus. There is a common thing in theme we have ah, too great best year yet coaches, we have chris and karen in there and they're actually seeing seems so maybe you can address the questions and concerns we have about people being scared of being out of balance. Their worries are they focus on one area as opposed to another, that one will tremendously suffer, while the other one does well, so willing, that's the question that's what we're asking you, how had to manage that? How do you manage either the fear of choosing that one goal, or of the fear of being out of balance? Well, that's, that's fascinating, because the balance of the wheel again is based on what you are, what your perception is if I want teo really slide back, uh, the attention and the time I give as a friend as an example, so whoa, I will tank that roll right in the eyes of my social environment, my friends, I am no longer the social secretary putting together the baseball games, the ski trips did it, but I usually announced it and that they're in itself. That's what I'd suggest you d'oh include people in what your plans are. This is where I'm going. I'm really going to need your support and your, you know, assistance here and helping me focus here, because this is what I intend to produce that major role focus you were choosing, you're choosing that because there's something exciting and enticing for you because it is the role that you're going to have a breakthrough in performance, and if people are at odds with you, let's, let's really choose the rial one, which is what if a spouse is at odds with you a partner? What if it's your business partner and you're suggesting that no, I want to have a family this year. This is my year to have a family and so business partner, I'm not going to be doing the eighty hour work weeks interesting, isn't it? It is a dynamic that we have to face ourselves with sometimes and and if your partner's not there now, we're talking about something else, but this is your life, your best year yet plan you have to ask yourself, what's it, costing you to keep that performance in that role that's exactly the same and not shifting it up, not changing it up. I'm hoping I answered that question again. It's based on you and what's best for you the others yeah, you might fry a couple of people you may ruffle some feathers I think there's other ways to get around it, to get him instead of resisting you and that to supporting you with that, especially if you paint the picture with the breakthrough role, what that breakthrough role would look like for you and why? Why is that important for you to have a breakthrough in that role? Other comments? Well, yeah, there is a comment from the guava project that says I wasn't happy in my former rule career wise and after asking myself that question am I happy? What would make me happy? I was able to have that breakthrough and they say that they're really happy now so they discovered the wine that reemphasizes what you were saying on the record about saying it takes guts, takes guts, it does take guts, it takes hey, if you have decided to take on a new role like being a student and going back and finishing off a degree whoa, not only did that take guts, it took all kinds of other things and now if you are committed to it let me give you this really fine example this is fun when I work with people when they make a decision there's a huge difference between a decision and a choice and it usually comes in this direction first I need something let's use a car as an analogy I need a new car I am so tired of my car breaking down and having to walk or take the metro I need a new car and then we moved to the stage called want I want a new car I want one that has good gas mileage that's dependable reliable that's not too expensive it fits into my budget so we've now moved from need toe want then we moved to this place called decision uh I have decided becky to get a new car it's going to be red it's gonna have four tires get forty three miles to the gallon and is going to be a convertible but when I'm in decision you still say dori there's this great concert and it's only once in a lifetime and it shares dressed to kill and the tickets are three hundred fifty dollars and we're gonna have to fly to vegas for this and there's a ton of us going come on you've gotta join us this is the last time so you see I'm still in this place a wavering back and forth back and forth becky might be able to convince me because even though I made a decision, the big difference when I go to choice, becky, thank you so much. Oh, you guys are gonna have such a blast. But I have chosen this year on buying a new car and it's going to be a prius or better. It's going to get this kind of gas mileage age is going to be that cherry red. Thanks, I'm focused here. This is my choice. So I hope I illustrated that that's a really want art need want decision. But, man, when you make that choice and that's what best year yet your plan is going to be about, you are making choices today. They are your choices. If you feel you're going to hit a wall of resistance from other those border bullies, those naysayers, I'm going to ask you if they don't get on board with you, maybe it's time to shift them.