Lessons

Lesson Info

What Did I Learn from Last Year?

What are the lessons? What did I learn from this last year? So in our lessons learned we look at both lists of the accomplishments and the list of disappointments and we ask ourselves what did I do that caused that accomplishment? What did I d'oh or didn't do that may have caused the disappointment so think about it when you're looking at your lisk of disappointments what did I do or not do and some of those air just share reactions? I mean, one of the disappointments on my list is ah very close personal friend of mine passed away now did I cause that no, but it's a disappointment to me nevertheless what my reaction is to that um the reaction could be you know that I didn't grieve for the person and I buried myself in work and and yet the whole thing can be all about what is it that you yourself are doing to cause it to be a disappointment? Hurricane sandy is a disappointment for some and maybe not a disappointment for others maybe they found it to be a great thing because their house ...

was in foreclosure or whatever it is it's our perception and how we react, so when we're looking at what did we learn? Let me give you a couple of examples here so we have that I received the assignment I was working for which list would that have come from accomplishments? Yes, yes, and then what's the lesson learned. What did they do that cause that accomplishment? Well, they went beyond what it was that was expected. They go beyond above and beyond. They didn't take any vacation. Probably a disappointment. Yes and what's the lesson learnt I need time to recharge. Otherwise, my head's going to be on the desk buried into the computer going did it? Did it? Did it, did it? Yes, I spent more time with the kids, the lesson learned balance my work and family activities. I didn't reach an important business goal, probably a disappointment again what's the lesson learned focus on priorities first, so let's talk about some of those um on page nine what I'd like you to do is I'd like to go to page nine in your workbook, and what we're going to do is take a look at some of those lessons learned that you can create from those list of accomplishments and disappointment. So you're going kind of flip back and forth a little bit, looking at your two list and see if you can come out with honesty of what you did to cause the accomplishment or what you didn't do that may have caused the disappointment and let me talk to our ho shammari what may have caused accomplishment, what is it that you did that caused an accomplishment well I'm actually making the connection now so last year my mother came for a really beautiful weeklong visit and I thought that was an accomplishment because we hadn't spent a lot of time just me and her together in a long time um so what did I do to cost that accomplishment? Well, I made the offer I said hey you've always talking about travel san francisco is awesome let me be your turn tour guide and I made it happen for both of us made it really easy um my disappointment though is that we didn't spend enough time with my husband's parents so I don't know what where you're going but it's what I do tow because that right what was my lesson learned? Well um I need to learn how to balance the time between his parents and mine so that well put okay and that's what it is this this is not rocket science tous type of work even though I do want to point out one of my colleagues at best year yet did work that with the nasa space team center teo the flight flight team center so yes, a lot of rocket scientists use this too but it doesn't take a rocket scientist or a brain that's it far advanced to come out with our lessons learned we know what those are in fact when you're riding these when you're exploring these you know that some of these are patterns that have been going on in your life for a while yes that's actually a really cool revelation online stunning elements learned that they can create the business that they created because they lost their job so a disappointment caused an accomplishment which is really interesting a lot of people are doing what you were saying about hurricane sandy how in fact out of something so tragic did come a very positive spirit etcetera levar is joining us from russia welcome varvara it says that they were very disappointed with their boss for many years before they were their coach and the person I most admire but after she became my boss she really disappointed me so it's interesting how that disappointment by through somebody else's behavior uh matt from an epa saying I learned that I am capable of completing my goals but I need to work harder to complete all of them right on k v serendipity is saying something very similar similar I have the ability to make my dreams come true but only when I actually do something about it I love it got all of it and actually one last one seattle can says isolation is lethal to creativity and usually productivity and I'll say that you're in the chat room you're engaging and you're not isolating and that is an accomplishment so I'm sure coach chris and coach karen are in there chatting away giving you a thumbs up asking you a question these are some richness for us when we actually go in and we consider what is it that we personally did to cause an accomplishment and a disappointment? So let me just from each of you in the, um in studio audience let's have one just one uh so kinda interesting working here a creative live especially if you're on camera you're bound to say something or do something that you're gonna feel a little silly about on occasion and I've always been afraid of those moments afraid of looking stupid, afraid of saying something off and I've had a lot of career accomplishments this year, especially here at creative life and one of my biggest things is is believing in myself and understanding that it's okay to put yourself in a scary situation and it's okay to mess up because usually through that through those mistakes, you you grow so I think that's one of my bigger lessons that I've good one yeah, I can feel that from you okay? Next kelly kelly there's one of my disappointments I don't have the names well takes time I think I wanted to go back and look and see how to apply thes lessons I guess um learning what I do want to shoot versus what I want don't kind of shoot it was ah lesson learned about focusing and and I have to go and try to get what I want to shoot versus just taking what comes so marry coach please I need coaching way all teo and there and skills to come over and guide me okay so instead of I guess you don't really need to guess because you actually do know and you did explain it quite well I got it so we could just take out I guess alright alright there we go very affirmative all right becky um one of the other um just I guess something in terms of appreciating not ever having a capacity for kindness trying to just be kind as much as possible people around you there's never the negative to that just to remind yourself you know, whatever the circumstance maybe to try and find that feels like a very strong less and I love that one good good job ruth well um the things that were accomplishments I realized sort of in reflecting on them that they accomplished they happened of their own accord when I when I gave the attention to the time in front of it so like the planning preparation spaciousness in front of the thing unfolding was actually the important time because once the event occurred which seems like the accomplishment it was already sort of creating itself was already alive because of my investment upfront so it was like like the up front investment has big payoffs I guess yeah yeah we'll make that a little bit more succinct I think you've explained it quite well good dr soni uh I think my not I think I know a very good my health and fitness school lt's because I wasn't as I wasn't exercising as regularly as I wanted to or I think cooking as healthy or so that translated and tend not such a good example for my baby or my family and so I've changed in the last two months but I mean before that it wasn't a great okay good one all right um do the things that I want to avoid first do them first so if if I want to avoid something, do it don't procrastinate yeah I think there's a book out there eat that frog first something like that so eat that frog right good good so what we're going to do with all of these are there any other great ones coming from the internet now that we've been chatting about it um I think they're just really engaged in the process and you know they've got their pen in their paper and then they're typing as well. So good we'll see some comments assassin comes they will let you know thank you for sharing everything so far has been great so we're going to move into what are we going to do with these lessons learn what we're going to do is we're going to create guidelines the guidelines are ah guideline that's going to be a positive piece of advice that that takes you into a direction this next year to help you remember what it is you need to dio to create more accomplishments and avoid disappointments and especially those patterns of disappointment those disappointments that you've seen over and over and over again year after year or decade after decade maybe with another person's name on it another logo on it a different customer but it smells the same and is the same and it's time to break it. So in creating a guideline this piece of positive memorable short advice for yourself you're going to take the lesson learnt and sous inkley condense it, shorten it sweet, short, positive, memorable I'm going to be able to tak to it on your forehead backwards with only think that you can see now why would I do that so that you're going to see it every day it's a guideline it's it's so much stronger than an affirmation I am whatever fill in the blank this is so personal to you reminding you of what will take you to more accomplishments this next year and avoid those disappointments a couple of our examples trust my instincts see how that could have been developed from both lists or one list alone ask for help when I need it that has been one of mine for a number of years and I have to remind myself that oh yes oh yes today I'm about ready to go into the creative life studio what do I need to dio up? I've got to ask for help when I need it because disappointment after disappointment keeps showing up because I think I have to do it all myself accomplishments happen because I asked for help or I hire help do one thing at a time anybody in here you are you used to okay, I can do this and I can do this and I can do that and I can watch that and I can change the baby's diaper wow! Alright, so that one comes up a lot with clients relax, relax. That might be your perfect guideline be crystal clear other ones that maybe a word maybe a cliche just do it ah word that's repeated three times focus focus focus how many of us creative types need that one or working by ourselves? So are possible guidelines that we're going to work with? They'll be the lesson and then they'll be the guideline that comes out of it let's look at the lesson again we're going the extra mile made me stand out from the competition and the guideline I exceeded my clients expect stations I was really burned out this last year the guideline take time to recharge now remember I can I can take that and put it on the forehead, right it's small enough to wrap around that you can see that it's sweet it's, positive it's, short it's memorable I was, uh I really enjoyed being a part of my children's lives. The guideline enjoy my family maybe it's take time for family I have to keep my work priority straight focus on priorities first let's go to page nine and in your book at the bottom I want you to craft a guideline that is just perfect. An ideal for you. Oh condition doesn't begin with the word stop. It doesn't begin with the word don't those would be negative drivers positive, sweet short pieces of advice that will tell you exactly what behavior to do this next year. Got it let's go writing that and I'll talk to our host to see what there's our internet audience please do the same on and let us know in the chat room. Alright, jae ko, what would be an ideal perfect guideline for you this year? I'd have to give it some thought, actually, tory to be really honest, I'm not sure I can come up with something straight away. I do try and set myself gold, but I try to do very small ones and then I tried to sort of make it happen within my own sphere if you like, but I don't have guidelines is necessary the right way to describe. Got a noodle on that one. Okay, give me one of your permission to coach you. Give me one of your accomplishments. What did you do to cause one of your accomplishments from last year from anywhere from from any year that's fine from last year, I really wanted to be. I've been on the periphery of of a very major tv show. Andi. I knew if I could just make that extra step, okay, I could be doing it and being part of it. I did make it happen. So what did you do to cause it to happen? Where you persistent continually persistent. I really was networking with all of the people that I've built up over a lot over a ten year period, but always just I felt I just I couldn't make that last step to make it happen, so I just kept pushing on dh, not in an aggressive way, all right, but really being positive and thinking I can do this, I know that they will appreciate if me if I could bring this to the table and so you've created a guideline, it looks something like this persistently network. Yeah kindly persistently not very, very bad and networking it's fact it's a word that really sends a shudder down my spine is I know it's the kind of thing that everybody has to do these days and yet just just assumes I hear the word networking I think looking away but in fact if you approach it differently just say how can I build on these relationships that I already have then dominus networking by another name but it just it just seemed easier too me now another guidelines just came out uh build upon existing relationships uh you see how short and sweet it can be and when I send you out the door every day into the world of work and I say up j k o don't forget you need to build upon your existing networks or your relationships whatever gives it gives you direction it gives you a guideline it gives you advice of oh yes that's right? I'm going to do that today I mean it's funny because I have no issue it all with people in my life who I work with whatever coming to me and asking me, can you help me with this etcetera? But I have this block of that I think if I'm asking people they're going to think I'm god its him again why is he being so pushy so it's a hard thing to do to ask for myself, but I find it quite easy to help other people good job, marie well, you know, I've recognized in the past that, um it's hard for me to get things done if I don't build a plan and if I don't have a partner, so um one of them moves that I made to help me get my program together and everything out there is I hired marketing strategist, so I went ahead and paid for the full engagement ahead of time, knowing I'm committing to this and I'm doing it so the program itself it revolves around presence, so my guideline is that I need to master my presence and so that I can help others to do that. Wow, there were so many so many guidelines within that I mean master my presence collaborate with others, make a plan right there you have three guidelines that could cause this next year walking out this room that that's sufficient for you to say that's what's going to change this year that's what? I'm going to dio that's going to be my m o for this year and I promise you it will give you better accomplishments, more favorable results all right, let's see who do I get to coach and our in studio audience all right, um well, j k o really liked that exchange because that focused on building connections and networking something I hate, but, um oh, no, uh, well, I'm here doing one of them, which is trying, I've never cycles, I've never made new year resolutions, just their horrifying to me, I was always kind of a gypsy, so I'm at a point now where I need to set goals and follow them and and focus on them, so okay, I'm here doing that, all right? We are so focus on goals and priorities believe in myself and my talents, and then those are my first to those who're you first to and does very strong. I love those we can tighten it up a little bit more, which is give me the first one again when we talked and started be confident and believe in myself in my talents be confident is in a whole and complete in itself, and then you could separate that to be another one, too. Uh, some of our guidelines are going to continue with us for some years, I've noticed that I've done this for sixteen years for myself, and I have noticed a couple asked for help hello, it keeps showing up and showing up and showing up, and some years I don't need it, I got it locked it in and then it comes right back because our patterns of behaviour and that's what we're talking about here, thes the's, are a habit of behavior that we are shifting. Ah, pattern of thought that we have to just kind of change over to. And this will help us our guidelines. Help us remind us to do that. How about how about over here, erica, tell me one of yours be present. Be present. Good what's one more. I took what you had said earlier with eat the frog first. You know what, one of my favorite clients, she is on an airplane a lot. And though this is a little lengthy, it means something to her and hers. Wass put my oxygen mask on first. Does that tell you exactly what's going on and and so fun to coach with her? Because when you're coaching with her and she comes with the crisis of the month or the problem in the dilemma. So fun to coach this because you go like this and you go. Are you putting your oxygen mask on first notice how it answers the questions and it causes that person ago? Oh, yes, duh. You're right, I need to sit back and breathe and do something for myself first before because there's a whole story behind this yes yes so we just have a question from the internet just to clarify so varvara from russia wants to know what if I already have guidelines not for the year but life long should I still invent some for the year they have talk do not assume just follow it be brave we probably as I mentioned will have some life long guidelines at least that's what I'm discovering with many of my clients year after year and personally myself but I do want you to focus in on just this last year because this last year you have created some habits of behaviour you have created some some results from that and try teo really laser beam in on just this last year and see what you can create out of that if one of those lifelong ones have to come in pull it in but I'm going to ask youto only create three guideline it's three guidelines and these three guidelines again let's make him starting with a verb starting with a action word and so that you it directs you to what you're going to be you feel that answers your question I feel so yeah actually they said that this last year the new one was brave so come up with two more well, brave brave isthe one way but let's put be brave yeah um uh what would brave do um you know w w uh whatever what would dorothy say it happened to be one of my clients guidelines because come on you've coached with me long enough what would I say and it's not that I'm directing him it was he needed the tap in because dori would be saying what is your inner coach say well well what did you get? What did you hear? What does your gut tell you? So our guidelines are guidelines are extremely important and that's why they come at the very first part of building your best year yet plan you nail your guidelines you've got a great year ahead. You follow those guidelines and I promise you your year's results are going to shift now we have a nice little tool for you and it's a business sized card that has been passed out to you or kates passing them out. Now let me give it to you on the screen here I love these are clients over the years have created a lot of our materials for us at best year yet you know how your market will drive your business. This was one of those the creations and innovations and having a guideline card so that you can pop it in your wallet so you can put it on the bathroom mirror your dashboard of the car where else do we need it? The computer screen are we in front of that? Quite a bit wherever you see yourself frequently um I happened to put mine on the microwave, not the refrigerator, the refrigerator I'm opening the door, the microwave I'm standing and I'm clicking and waiting for it to go. So as you place your guidelines all over to remind yourself what you're doing because I want you to memorize thes I want you to memorize them and create him so that you embody them and you go oh yes, oh yes I'm stressed I'm pressed for time I have this going on that going on which guideline will take you to the answer what you need to do, what you need to be I need to take time to recharge alright, I'm going to go for a walk right now I'm recharging and I'll come back and now I'm more centered because I'm following a guideline I'm going to focus on priorities first, all right? So I'm going to say no thank you to that one project or that one invitation I'm going to exceed client expectations all right today on my calendar what clients around the agenda, what can I do to exceed that clients expectation? What results will I get thumbs up favorable to me and that's? What counts? It makes me feel good it makes me achieve more accomplishments it bust out some patterns that maybe I've been doing of disappointments let's find a couple more I'd like a couple more guidelines from you all and let's hone in and allow me to coach you with it all right ruth um embrace the beauty of organization okay embrace the beauty of organization okay I have to write small don't I across your forehead but that's good what does that mean to you? Well the thing is if I like them I like the beauty of organization I don't like organization itself but I like what you get from it which is always this sort of beautiful it's so much more beautiful when things are organized okay and so for me that's how I engage it I I'm sold anybody else you sold that I think that will work for you it sounds good it can't sound strong let's go to number two okay, so number two is um put relationships first that's a clear one that's a clear one so that obviously is going to tell you exactly what to dio so you walk out of this room today and tomorrow you open up the day and put relationships first you're going to know what it is that you're going to do to put relationships first yeah now you notice this conflict into personal or professional life it's not categorized it applies your guidelines are going to is a very interesting your guidelines we'll apply no matter what the circumstances is I work with a c suite individual executives of these major corporations and of course I'm there to executive coach with them and I bring this process in and it's something happens in their personal life well what's your guideline this oh no no no that's only about business so does it okay let's try litmus test here would take time to recharge well maybe that's not going to focus on priorities first that's a that's an excellent one so would that one possibly apply right now in in this personal situation oh well yes so as you can see there is no line of delineation here it's your life it applies in all areas which your third one ruth on the third one is follow through to the last step I tried follow through but it didn't really have the integrity and have the punch did it last up has thie integrity part to it I like that yeah another great one good lock and load though and I want you to put those in on your workbook on page twenty nine at the top dr soni let's hear yours uh mine are the first one is make my plan and the second one is a little bit falling that route said is to follow through until it's completed and then building on relationships building on relationships so build on relationships or talk to me a little bit more about that one uh I'm not sure what to say about that where did it come? A list of accomplishments, disappointments oh, a list of, uh disappointments okay and so can you share with me what disappointed you justin reporter terms I think I'm not just very good at maybe networking is the right word like it not very good at not working or not very good at uh keeping up with relationships. Okay, so could it be keep up with relationships? Yeah, keep up with relations, huh might even be create relationships create new relationships uh create ideal relationships uh I I had won one year which was ah say no to should sze say no to should I found myself being shooted upon I was accepting you should do this you should go there you've got to do this and it was overwhelming me so I finally looked at the calendar and I said all right stop being showed it on and that wasn't the guideline it's because that would be negative it would be a positive, sweet memorable thing to say which would be choose my should sze no thank you is complete there's there so well that's a little bit of a cliche just do it is a cliche I really prefer these to be a verb starting with an action telling you what to do all right, erica let's hear from you and then we'll go to the internet audience for a couple more examples I did too the first two that I had talked about um the third one I had stay positive but isn't as strong committee isn't is it because I'm not feeling it from you and I'm not seeing that gorgeous smile across your face so what do we mean when you say stay positive? Well, I actually think that I more importantly, the third guidelines should be something around relationships for you okay? Because I live out of my families on the east coast um I have a lot of friends on the east coast and friends from seattle so I do want it to be something about keeping up with those relation in ships. Okay? So I'm not sure I gotta disconnect then on the positive and keeping up with it it's almost like you're juggling a ball here because you have to come up with three and you only get three right? Why do we only get three because our focus would be diluted if we had too many three is what we can handle so three only so let's go and it sounds like what's most important to you is to keep up with those relationships so keep up with relationships it's a simple a ce that yes sounds good kid lock and load your three guidelines and let's go to the internet and see what some some guidelines are that it coming there? Well, the rainy day store says actually they keep their guidelines on their bathroom mirror and this is actually just go back to see them every day exactly yeah stunning element says chill out believin in myself focus ana asked keep the goals in mind be mindful of finances collaborate with others amanda satori says bi curious seek out new adventures cultivate mindfulness and so easy g saying one allow wiggle room in my schedule to set those goals and make a plan they also said he'd froth guava project says be courageous take more chances connect with my local community fred good sum from my clients of over the years uh the number one that I hear the most trust my instincts trust my gut trust my instincts boardrooms executives it doesn't matter what the station in an organization they come up with that one and we know as creative entrepreneurs we know more than anyone trusting our insipid stinks is the number one thing that helps create create us to be us and our success is in our nish be confident release fear fear and for some people they put it as an acronym false evidence appearing real release fear walk my talk walk my talk that could be from a client well they're selling this product do they use this product do they believe in this slow down uh lighten up have some fun yes smile more smile moore is a great one be crystal clear focus on my intention look at things from the end this year my biggest goal or my biggest guideline for my plan is trust the flow trust the flow so it has helped me not become unraveled it helps me manage the complexities of things and urgencies it helped me even with this project putting the creative live project together all right, this didn't go the way I planned this didn't happen I ran out of time for this dori trust the flow it all works out and when you get into that you be that you do that you you are a lot happier person and you are more grounded too. All right, so you have completed the very first section of your one page best year yet plan again go over to page twenty nine in your workbooks internet audience write it down create a wallet card for yourself put this sticky I don't like sticky notes the reason I don't like a sticky note is eventually it loses its stickiness and it comes off the mirror and you've lost it keep your guidelines in front of you until you've got him memorized for me that's about three to four months into the year that's how long I make it one I may get to guidelines and I may remember them locking them in but then you asked me at month five months six in the year what's your third guy like up wait, wait wait let me go look oh, it iss. But you want to use thes and memorize, um, so that you can use them.