Lessons

Lesson Info

Getting Started

So the first thing that we're doing is we're starting with the book I such a book geek, so go ahead and grab yours and I took yours here. That's yours. I'll fill in yours and you fill in my just guess what the other person wants. Okay, so with anything you guys here's what we're doing? Just context, context, context. We're talking about covering yourself now, right? Should something go sideways? You want to know what happens now? You want the phone number written down? You want a list of who to call? I want to know you mentioned a cat. I want to know what kind of cat food your cat likes basic stuff, but it's not about disaster planning for the unimaginable, although that that might happen, but probably but we're also doing is that sometime in our adult life or the next year or the next few decades or whatever, something is going to go sideways, right? Like one in three adults are disabled for a chunk of time, somebody might get a diagnosis with whatever happens after that diagnosis, ou...

r parents might get sick. Oh, our parents will eventually, usually die before us divorce happens, change happens job change happens big, big things happen. And so this isn't about spending all of our time for separating on all of the bad things that can happen. This is just covering yourself so that if things go sideways, you khun bob and weave with a little bit of style and a little bit of grace and some options, right? So so change doesn't have to be terrifying change could be something like, oh, I got that, like, I totally have that disability thing like carpal tunnel, whatever I got disability like this is about bobbing and weaving gracefully so you can still be you and enjoy your life and then in the future, eventually we're living longer and longer and longer. So when all of you duke it out for the oldest living person award, you want that to be a pleasant want that to be a long and lovely finish line, right? So that's, what we're thinking about now curveballs finish line. Okay, okay, all right, so as with anything right, we can start writing down a gazillion lists of things like re grouting or doing this, and we're going to go forty thousand feet and we're going to go really, really, really in the weeds, but what we want to start with is the thing that we're already thinking about the thing that you were probably already thinking about last night when you're like god I have to do this work show up and I really want to go but I really do want to go but I really want to go but I really don't wanna go right like I know I know so what are the things that worry you? What are the things that keep you up at night? What are the things that you already think about it could be big it could be small it could be anything but there there are things in her life that we're already spending on not writing them down doesn't make them happen uh it just makes us realize if you write it down then we can actually we can figure it out and if you can't think of anything right now it may or may not come to later don't make anything up if you don't have to like I'm worried about fluffy I don't know like not like just that's okay, but if some people start with feelings what worries me? Some people start with what I have to do and some people start with how I'm going to get it done so what we're gonna do is we're going to take it from all sides there's what I'm already worrying about there's um the stuff I already know I need to do and then there's the how I'm going to do it so we'll just talk about it in different ways so as we're filling out the checklist as we move forward, keep these top of mind because we're going to come up with this solution and we're going to come up with at least some information and or some action steps on what we're going to take care of that, um the second thing like I just mentioned as we think about attacking things in different ways depending on how we how we lookin, how our brains work so the first one is worry the second one is what are the things on your list that you already knew you need to d'oh and if you want him, we're going to be going through a bunch of different things on the checklist so you can just feel that in um but what has been on your list? What are you going to be relieved to get done? Well, insurance what's that will in insurance or just overwhelmed and they're just big elephants they are looking forward to that big elephants well, here's, what we're going to dio actually somebody wrote me a letter a number of months ago on dh the elephants concept is is one that people talk about a lot that it feels like there's one in the room or there's one sitting on your chest elephants are really big, but we're going to eat that elephant off of you bite by bite throughout the thing, so we'll talk about all of those insurance things. Andan the next session, we're going to go through the questionnaire for getting your wills done so everything that you would need to write down in a will we're going, we're going to go through it and you'll be ready to ready rule by the end of the day. Well, elephants fight by fight, okay? Okay, so I always dreamed of is that in the context of having my shit together or I've always dreamed of walking on the moon, I think that what we're that is a great question if it's a helicopter, if it's getting your shit together if it's more cat costumes, yeah, this is a helicopter. Okay, um, I think the thing is that we not only want to keep sight of what it is we want to do but where we want to be, and so if we're talking about getting things in place to cover ourselves, there used to be a finish line and a reward. And so the whole point of this is that if you want, if we're going to cover our bases, we're going to push our you know where we pushing the wave we're getting a little surf board we're hopping on top of it and we're pushing the wave towards where you want it to be so whether it's your financial goals or a you know a dream house what are the things that you've dreamed of because that's that's where we're going to go so I'm flipping the page and I won't appoint you don't have to if you if you're not ready the second page here is called just a to do list bigger small write it down we don't have to go here yet but I would like for you to know that this is a list that's here for you and that as we go through the session different things may or may not pop up and so the checklist is going to become your all in one place place and as we move forward we might have a couple different versions of this you might have post it notes all over it by tomorrow you might migrate it to something online but this is here for you to just keep track of the things as as they pop up so here is your checklist um if you go to the next page here's here's how this works and here's a couple little hints your checklist is here for you printed out save it your desktop put it in a free online site like google drive email it to yourself do whatever your hack is forgetting something top of mind use it, customize it, making it yours this is the template and as we move forward, you're going to make it look how how it makes sense to you share it once we get it going there's certain things that other people are going to help you with when you get your will is done. You and your wife were going to go get that done together, um and that this is a living document wash, rinse repeat every month. This is something that you can use to revisit what you've done before, so we're not redoing it and just grinding on the same questions all the time. We're making progress as we go, so what I'm going to do is I'm going to take you quickly through the items on the checklist if you want to jot down if it's done or not done already or big big exclamation mark or smiley face or however you want to note what the checklist is for is for you to keep track of what's done what you still need to do what you might need to revise what's still might scare the pants off of you. So as we go through the checklist, we're going to talk about will's in the next session so either your will is done drafted, you have to update it or it's on your to do list we're also gonna be talking about power of attorney that something in your will on dh these air, the different the main types of people that you're going to assign to take care of your stuff for you it could be all the same person it could be all different people you can write on and sometimes people will dio makes specifics for their pets um and and not not just children but pets to pets comes up actually a lot guardianship custody pets, your money and your assets and your stuff like how your will is going to talk about how you want stuff distributed if you want to have a trust set up if you're going to research it and then we're also going to talk about you know if you want to be buried in your elvis pantsuit on your trike in a big big something with you know this kind of flour write it down because we're not going to know if you want this one person toe have your collection of mick jagger t shirts let us know if there's something maybe that you don't want found let somebody know too um living wills next we're going toe talk about that after wills today we're going to talk about medical power of attorney we're going talk about quality of life, we're going to talk about the option of writing a letter to your doctor we're going to talk about the types of care options that are out there we're going talk about discussing these with friends and family, reviewing options, writing a down, getting it signed and notarized and where it is because it's great it's the first step is having won the second step is letting somebody know where it is so they can find it and flipping next to details. This is what we're going to wrap up with today, and this is everything from your pin number two where your retirement accounts are tio where you are ten thousand photos on your photo sharing site is details is growing and growing and growing into this interesting thing, we're going to talk about a power of attorney for digital digital rights and digital assets, so one of the things that we need to do and we can do and we're gonna work on doing is writing these details down what they are, where they are, so you're not waiting or someone's not waiting for the mail to come in to figure out where your stuff is. Um, online assets are growing and growing, you have money in the cloud and and the cloud will eat it if nobody can go find it, so we'll talk about making sure that everything that you have up there is also recorded tio um and then we're gonna talk about money and insurance and I'm gonna frequently talk about these together and that's we're going to kick off with tomorrow morning and insurance there's a lot of different kinds, right? Well we'll touch on what they are the different options that you have the disability the life long term care and knowing what they are and making a thirty second phone call is sometimes all you have to do to get the ball rolling and then the ball's rolling for you and here's the thing to getting started and getting the information you need to know who to talk to you and make the right choices and ask attorney's questions if you're not sure who to work with, those all seem daunting. But if you make a phone call to somebody who is an accountant or who is a life insurance person or a lawyer the's air products and services out there that air helpful to you we buy products and services all the time but you're you're going to be calling somebody who's going to sell you something we'll call you back and make an appointment for you uh and that's a good thing to do then you have other people on your side so you don't have to be pushing and pushing and pushing so in some ways we just need to get started and figure out where to point the wave and then other people are going to jump on that surfboard with you um, and then same thing as, uh, details money is very, very simple until it becomes yours and we have a lot of feelings about it. So what we're going to do is we're going to break it down. We're going to talk about them money basics, um, everything that everyone always tells you and what your grandma told you to dio and it's all still true and it's all still the basics. Can you guys guess what one of them might be money basic? How about make more than you spend? Make more or less spend yes or weaken switch those exact words around two don't spend more than you make you could make a much as you want, but if you spend more than you're still going to be, um you're still gonna be in a tight spot. So the checklist we're going to go through it. So what? We're going to dio as we as we go through the sessions is we're going to check off. I have research my current policy and or I need to update it and then medical vision, other health care savings option, auto, home rent just make a little a little round up and make it happen the conversation and getting it done. By the end of the day tomorrow, we're gonna have a lot of progress made. You're going to have all of your information put together, you're going to know who you're gonna call, going to know what all the next steps are to get it done. It will be interesting to see what these look like. We have big sharpies so we can write all over them. Um, and then the checklist is your friend essentially. So, um, I wanted to quickly just click through a couple of the slides and get us to prep for the next session, which is going to be wills so we're going to will's we're going to hit the basics we're gonna click through, we're going to hit living wills, and we're going to talk about the things that you need to know the most. We're going to go through the details, and we're going to figure out in this mess of things what's what and where it goes insurance money, there's a really great, great quote, I think it's from warren buffett that says the shade that you're sitting in now is provided by somebody who planted a tree a long time ago, so we're going to talk, we're going to talk about making some shade, um, money and communication, what can happen when we talk about it? And the road map and getting it all done and putting it in one place so here's the thing we were talking about now later and in the future the reason why we're starting with will's is I like to call it the gateway document because we're going to kind of be talking about all the things that are important and as we do that and as we talk about who might make your kid a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or who is going to address your cat up in the costumes or who is going to do these things for you often we started thinking about the bigger picture and that's an ok thing to do and the thing is we're already thinking about this stuff but we're doing it in a way that's full of worry and what we're gonna do is we're gonna start thinking about this stuff in a way that removes the noise and the worry so mohr life less fear this is a letter I got from somebody just a couple of weeks ago who says she finally got all of her shit together and the two lines that I love the most in this is all I can say is that doing all of this has improved my relationships and unexpected ways probably because I feel better about myself if anyone out there is waiting and delaying I say dive in and get working it's worth every bit of time and that she can't tell you how good it feels to do it. So what we're doing is we're getting it done because we're supposed to, but we're going to get done because it makes you feel better. All of the noise goes away, and then you have all this more time to rock your life toa do whatever it is you want to dio the second thing is that if something happens, whatever that maybe if you get the phone call about anything or you or just something sideswipes you, you weren't ready for you have answers ready to go. So that moment, all of those years ago, when I was standing in the hospital, um, I would have known what would have happened if it was this fifty or if it was the other and the whole point of this system have answers. So when you're tumbling down the rabbit hole, a soft landing is preferable. And then at the end, what we're gonna have is a long and lovely finish line again. I can't tell you how good it feels to know everything is together. So here's the thing, another quote from my friend emma, children who I love the most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves anyone totally right. Whether it's your middle school critic or you're a superpower of procrastination or for the fact that we just don't know where to start and it's easier to regrow the bathroom when you just don't know where to start um we're going to take away the fact that this feels difficult because guess what too many things are already hard this is actually doable and it's easy and we're just going to gather around this little campfire here and we're just going to get it done together so this is not necessarily a dark wilderness that we have to wander through alone smacking into trees like this could be fun and it can be friendly and we're going to do it together so no dark wilderness campfire got a campfire s'mores mars we'll get smores later campfire going to keep it simple, break it down, cover your vulnerable spots, focus on the priorities and here's the thing that I think is also interesting this is called life and legacy, right? It's not called get your will done stupid right like this is called life and legacy. What we're doing is we're setting up our life the way we want it and the interesting thing about that is that we don't do this to remove the possibility of anything bad ever happening or problems or challenging challenge is not coming our way we're doing this to prepare for the fact that things come together and then they fall apart and that's what they do and we want to be able to have a through line that feels comfortable and get through it as comfortably as we can. We're also going to think about having a little bit of perspective when we get to that long and lovely finish line. What are we going to be thinking about? And we might not be thinking about the fact that you wish she would have spent more time at the office or um, I think keeping keeping the perspective and focus is really, really important and this is a fantastic part of, um what elizabeth kubler ross wrote when she was near her end of life, and so if we're thinking about life and legacy it's nice to be thinking about these things that are important now rather than waiting till the very, very end here is one of the favorite stories like legacy is also story and remembering and sharing this is ah, a bit from a story that was taken from a description of gilda radner the last time bill murray saw her and I mean to tell you about a long and lovely finish line if I could be carried up and down the stairs by bill murray and dan akroyd laughing my pants off like that sounds pretty good to may, so this can also be full of joy and celebration right um and it can also be full of clarity if you had your life to live over what were those things that you're going to do and if we're going to think about those now and cherish the relationships we have sweating the small stuff like how much how much does that actually benefit or add anything positive to our lives and to be intentional and to seize the moment and that there's where many ways that you can get through your life um but getting through it is one thing and enjoying it as you don't go through it is another so let's go with um it's like when you have uncomfortable houseguests right? They're leaving their stuff everywhere they're not taking their like leaving their underwear in the bathroom and not doing their dishes like figure out how to make it more comfortable rather than just trying to like muscle through it I'm thinking about legacy I also think is really a call to action and here is something that I saw just a few days ago that I wanted to share with you guys uh in organization in seattle called real girls and this is a six word a memoir by this young woman that kind of knocked me so where are the warriors right? So here's the thing this is not a war this is this is awesome but if we there's so many examples of beauty and bravery and spirit and that young woman making a six word memoir um had I been that rad in middle school like a pretty awesome so maybe it's the, uh future or to kind of guide you and maybe it's the people that we're leaving behind but I think that one of the things we can do is think about you know like, where is the warrior and you knowing yourself and being ready for all of those battles when they come so what is in your book that's what we're going to hit and to do that we're gonna keep the checklist strategy without tactics is the slowest route to victory tactics without strategy is the noise before defeat alright, fantastic so um she know I want to read something from s macy and from our chat rooms I'm in my late thirties and my parents are getting older I worry that when this was talking about our worries I'm worried I worry that I'm the one who will end up having to deal with all their affairs if they get to a point where they can't take care of themselves or when they leave it's just hard to bring this up and get them to address their wishes because in their culture we don't talk about things now aiken definitely relate a little bit to that myself, so I just so that was a powerful thing and that is something we're going to be addressing you know, today or tomorrow, exactly. Ok, yeah, we're going to hit all of those points. And that is something that that a lot of people have shared with me to, whether it is a parent who needs to go take care of somebody in their thirties, or whether it's somebody in their thirties trying to figure out how to have the conversation with their parents on dh. We're going toe actually go through that exact scenario later, because it's such a common one, and thank you for sharing that.