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What Do You Want?

I'm sorry to tell you, you'll probably get hit down a lot in your first year. And then what happens is you grow bigger and bigger, you start to unlock money, and you'll get hit down again. You'll start to unlock money, and then your price list will go up one more time, and you'll get hit down again. You'll go from 2,000 to 3,000, and somebody will say, how do you sleep at night, and you're gonna remember, hey, I've heard this before. Same view, different altitude. Right, same view, different altitude. The state in which you dwell is the most important thing you can remember right now. Service is what you're being, not what you're doing. So when I ask you to define your service, tell me what you're giving me, the client, giving me. And I don't just mean the physical service. Tell me what you're giving me. Tell me the value of who you are. If you were my choice of vendor right now to offer me service, whatever you do, and I don't know most of what you do. I know a lot of you are differen...

t, whether you're photographers or makers, or crafters. If you were my vendor right now and I was your client, do you feel worthy of servicing me? Oh, clearly I'm a VIP, right? I do! Yeah, you feel worthy of servicing me? Anybody else not feel worthy? Anybody afraid of servicing me? Why? 'Cause you know what you're saying right now? Is that I'm more important than you. If you say you're afraid of serving me, you're making me more important than you. I'm not afraid of you, I was saying-- No, the two behind you. They've got their hands up here like this, Jan. They're bringing in aircraft! (laughter) And that's the truth. If you say that, that's what you're saying to me. That's what you're saying to me down the back. You're telling me I'm more important than you. What? When did you decide that? Oh, you're inferior human beings. Know your place. I'm more important than you. You're deciding that! I asked you if you felt worthy of servicing me. Servicing me! Maybe you do foot massages. You don't think you're worthy of rubbing my feet? I mean think about it, what are you saying? You don't feel worthy of giving me service? Okay. You are disempowered if you believe that, and I want to change that. 'Cause you are disempowered if you are making other people more important than you. When you walk into a marketing meeting to pitch and sell your business, if you walk into that marketing meeting and make that person more important than you, you are walking in disempowered in that moment, disempowered. You are saying, I'm worthless, you're admitting this, you're permeating it, and you're gonna get rejected, and you're gonna get no. Straightaway, you're disempowered. Done. You might as well leave. Nobody's gonna buy your product. You've already ascertained that you're worthless. That's a disempowered state. So most of us work, price, sell, market and service in a disempowered state. Isn't that shocking? Are you shocked by this? You should be shocked by this. Are you shocked by this? That you have to see it like this, that you have to feel this way? No, 'cause that's how we feel, right? That's how I felt. I used to go to this hair salon when I was in my twenties, and the owner of the salon was young, but really successful. And she had really amazing friends that were really wealthy, and they came from wealthy families, and they all went to private schools. I didn't even get an education, but I was a photographer that worked up the road, I used to go and get my hair done there. Every week I would go in there, and she would always say to me, "You're amazing, you're so much fun, "you should come out with my girlfriends this weekend. "We're going out to this cool place." And I felt unworthy of hanging out with them. Like I felt like, what would I wear? They all wear, like, Zambini and Gucci, and I've got nothing. Like, they're all cool people, they're rich people, they're smart people. I put them above me. I said no so often, she stopped inviting me. But to a point where she obviously wondered if I thought I was too good for her, because she stopped asking me, 'cause then it was like, hi, this is awkward. And my humiliation was I did not think I was good enough for these people. And yet, here's the weird thing. When I worked for a wedding photographer, I would design the wedding albums. Again, I would design seven to $17,000 wedding albums, and when the clients came in, this is back in the 90s, they had big weddings, a lot of money, back then. I would literally walk up and offer them tea and coffee. So when they first came in, they would treat me like servant. I would say, "Can I get you a drink, "some champagne, tea, or coffee?" And they'd be like, no thanks. And I would walk away always feeling a little bit like a slave, like a servant. I was so often to spoken to like that. Which is why I turn to the waiter, even the guy that pours the water at a table, and I say thank you, and I look him in the eye every time somebody serves me. I'm so grateful for being served now, 'cause I've been a server. And then what I would do is I'd walk away, and then Russ would inevitably sell their wedding album, and he'd go, I'll get the designer to come out. And he'd say, Sue, and I would come out of the kitchen. And inevitably, I've just gone from the servant to the designer of their $17,000 wedding album, and the energy would shift to how they treated me, because I suddenly was important. And I used to love the shift in importance that they would give me when I walked down. They'd be like, oh hi! Yes, we met earlier! We were rude to you! We thought you were the help! How funny that you're gonna design our album! No, they wouldn't say that, and I was always the smug one, sitting there going. But the truth is, the truth is that's my ego being validated in that moment, and yet there must have been something about the way I was acting when I offered them service. But the truth is is now, even though I have a team of people I will still look at my client and say, can I get you tea or coffee? And you know, I used to, as a 20-year-old, clean the studio toilet every day, and I would always sit there going, one day I'm gonna have a server, and they're gonna clean the toilet, and I'll never have to clean another toilet ever again. Well, I still clean the toilet in my studio! 'Cause guess what, some people just like a clean toilet! (laughter) It has nothing to do with how important I felt, or how important I thought I was. Actually, to serve people humbly, is one of the most gracious services you can do. To serve somebody humbly and make them feel important, is actually quite amazing. And if you can do it with no ego, if you can actually humble yourself when you serve somebody and give service, um, may I get you a drink, Holly? Sure. And if I did that with a complete, humble giving instead of I am a nobody and she's treating me like a slave, that was obviously my energy. But if you can give service from a place of love, and just service, people love being made to feel important, they love being seen, and they love being heard. Now, so often I talk to business owners, and they're like, this is not working, this is not working, this is not working, this is not working, and there is zero responsibility. Zero, nobody takes responsibility. Nobody says what am I doing wrong? Where is my connection falling down? I'm lacking any form of communication. I'm still reeking of money. I cannot set my pricing. I am showing blocks around not receiving, and no boundaries. I'm working on them, but I'm still struggling. There is zero responsibility online, zero. It's not working, how did you do it, what was the secret, when was the moment that it clicked for you? These are the things that we hear all of the time. This is not working in my town, this is not working in my area, zero responsibility. And that's what I hear on a daily basis, zero responsibility. So I feel like today is about we put all the responsibility back on you. Are you on the right path? And don't say, how do I know? Because you know. Are you just resisting something that you really do not want to do but you don't see another way? 'Cause when you do the million dollar dream, the million dollar idea to go and make a business, is it far from the path you're walking now, or is it just going to inject money in the path you're on? Because if it's something different than what you're doing now, you're on the wrong path and it's okay to move on. This is probably one of the most boldest statements I've ever made, and I've said it probably four times in the last month Any area that you are disempowered, someone or something is going to overpower you. That's gonna be your confidence, that's gonna be your self, your pricing, your self value, that's gonna be your words, what you believe about yourself. That's gonna be in how you look, your age, anywhere you feel disempowered. So at night, right now, I want you to go home and say at this moment I am disempowered in this area, and I want you to work on empowering yourself only in that area. Okay, because that is the area that you really need to focus on. Okay, so I'm not good enough, nobody's gonna want me, nobody's gonna pay for this, you're disempowering your self value. That's when you go back to the opposite, which is the list, writing a list of what your value is, writing the list of how good you are, of what you need to give, give, give, change, change, change, refocus your energy on what you're putting out instead of what you're seeing back. If you feel guilt and shame and you've got blocks around money, straight away, go to your guilt and shame. Go to your workbook, start working through your guilt and shame. It's absolutely incredible that you would feel guilt and shame around earning an income for a service that you value. If you valued it, you would be earning money for it. If your worth is disempowered, change your energy of worth. So the opposite energy, Tiffany said, the opposite energy to disempowering yourself is honoring yourself. You are dishonoring yourself if you believe what you just said. You are dishonoring yourself. That is not a true statement, I do not believe it. I value you more than that. You are dishonoring yourself on every level if you think I'm more important than you, or if you are worried about serving me. So here's something about being honored, which I thought was quite amazing. If your receiving is disempowered, change the energy of how you're being honored. Okay, the last time somebody paid me, I changed Thank You to You Honor Me. And I thought to myself, I'm just gonna try it, so instead of saying thank you, I'm gonna say thank you, you honored me today. And the person that I said it to went, oh, well, I'm really, really grateful for what you've done. And I was like, thank you. And I started to realize that when somebody honors you, you must honor yourself. So when somebody says here is your payment, you can say, you honored me. You honored me the second you decided to come to this day. You honored Tiffany and myself. You honor me, thank you. Like, you took a whole day out to come and hear me speak. You honor me with your presence. I feel so honored that you chose to spend today with me. 'Cause this is like eight hours you're never getting back. (laughter) And there is no return on this day. You honored me, and you stayed. And CreativeLive honored me when they asked me to this stage. They honor me. And so suddenly, I feel honored. Not thanked, not grateful, I feel honored, and then I start feeling important. But not in a false egoic way, but in a they value me. And suddenly, I start to feel the honor and the value of what I'm giving and who I am. So anytime employs you, or buys a product or service from you, say it in your mind, you honor me. And I feel like that's really shifted me. All of a sudden, I feel honored. What an honor. And that word seems to carry this weight, this value, because it's more than just Thank You. It's more than You're Awesome, or Amazing. It's you honor me. And now I want you to start thinking about people paying you. So if your receiving is disempowered, change the energy on how you're being honored. They're honoring you in that moment. Even if it's $200. Even if it's $500. Even if it's $15,000, they are honoring your work and your time, and you are to feel it. Feel it, 'cause that's what being is, right, not doing, it's being. And watch that shift you. 'Cause I feel like honoring is gonna change the way you receive. If your confidence is disempowered, I hear a lot of people say I don't believe in myself. Don't believe in yourself just means you haven't tried yet. Because I believe I can walk across this room and high-five Julie. I believe I can do that any time of the day that I want, because I just did it. And I don't believe I can do this is simply I'm not trying. I'm not trying 'cause I'm too scared to try. It's okay to not believe in yourself. But to not believe in yourself, I could price myself but I don't believe in myself is fake, it's a lie, that's saying I'm too scared to try, or I'm too scared, like Tiffany said, for the pain that's gonna come with the first rejection. And remember, we choose our pain path because we choose growth. I cannot grow in my income until I choose the pain of being rejected around my first paycheck. Once I'm rejected, I will learn that it's not really rejection, it's just a no, no means no, we don't buy every dress we try on. We stand up, we sell it to the next person, the next person buys it, and you are constantly gonna get a mirror showed back to you on what you're working on. You're working on it, it's constantly going on, underneath, you're working on it, you're working on it, getting somewhere, and then all of a sudden I am here. I am truly worthy of giving you this service. For the first time in my life, I feel truly worthy of giving you my time. And when that shifts, I think everything shifts. Because when you're truly worthy of the price you charge and the service you give, the time you give, the care, the support, the love, people will start spending time and money with you. So, really do this work. Okay, you came to a workshop to learn how to make more money, how to price yourself. And what you really need to do is decide what you're going to price yourself, make a decision, set it in stone. I want you to give 24 hours to this. Some people will do it in 10 minutes, some people have been waiting, some people probably can do it, maybe it's gonna take you a week, but no more procrastinating, make a decision and start facing up to the pain of having it rejected, so you can learn where your value set is around what you think you're worth. Whenever my sales have dipped, come back to this. Whenever your sales are dipped, whenever your service is rejected, whenever your product is rejected, you either failed to connect to the client, you failed to educate them, so you avoided telling them how much you cost, you failed to connect or educate or deliver on the service. After someone who's been in business for 13 years, the second this happens to me now, it shows up immediately in my income. No sales, refunds, I'm not happy. And I have to go straight back to what I teach and preach. Where did I go wrong? I didn't connect, I didn't believe it, I was disempowered. Somehow I was disempowered in this moment, and I did not give the service, the education, or deliver on what I promised. That's my fault, that is not a bad client. Yes, you're gonna get hard clients, clients that you might not like, clients who you don't want again. But that's not their fault, that's yours. What you're seeing is you. You're doing something wrong. I'm the first one to take responsibility when I do something wrong, and I live by it. I wanna make it right. When you start, you're so desperate for work that all you wanna do is get paid. You're so overwhelmed, then suddenly you become overworked. Right? And then, you've suddenly got so much work, and you're not making much money. That's 'cause you haven't priced up to your value set yet. You actually haven't brought your pricing up to the point where you're matching the amount of work you're doing. 'Cause if you're overworked and you're dialing it in, you're not charging enough. Period, that's it. Put your prices up, just go for it. Jump straight up. And listen to the fear in your mind when it says put your prices up another $500. The first thing that comes into your mind was what? Put your prices up $500. Oh my god. Oh my god. Okay, you said, oh my god, but the truth is, oh my god, imagine if they paid $500 more than they're paying now. Right? Your price is set, your product is set, your service is set, and now our value is set. This is the secret. Get all of those out of the way. I'll tell you a little secret. How do you know when you're good enough? You don't. You'll never be good enough. There's always somebody who's going to be better, faster, younger, slimmer, prettier, richer than you. If you compare yourself, you will never be good enough. You just need to be good enough for your client. Okay, you just need to stay connected to what it is that you are giving. And when your insecurity blocks come up, When your shame blocks come up, they will block your income, your guilt will block your income. Everyday you're gonna work on the wheel, and you're gonna acknowledge it. Awareness is progress. And this is where I finish. Because this to me is the answer to everything I've ever built in my life, and I've spoken about it a couple of times this month. I'm gonna keep saying it until I get it into your head. Everything I've ever done has been conviction and certainty. Okay, I'm not a confident person. Everyone says you're so confident. I think you mistake bold for confidence. Because, yes, I'm bold. I can be loud, I can be bold, I'm a bold woman, but I am not a confident woman. I am no different from you, I have the same insecurities. If you asked me to stand up here in a bikini right now, I'd be like hell no. I have the same insecurity as everybody else. But it occurred to me that there was this moment in my career where I had so much confidence, and certainty, and conviction around what I was doing. So the actual act of my service and product, I suddenly became very confident and connected to the act of doing it. So that meant that when I would give the service, I had full confidence and conviction that I could service you in a way that would potentially change your life, and you would pay me. Something shifted for me. When I ask anybody what they go after, I always say you can't do anything without certainty and conviction. Until you have certainty for what you want, and the conviction to go after it, you will not get what you want, because it's not support and it's not validation. And it's none of those things. It's certainty and conviction, and this is how I look at it. I am certain that I want to build a photographic studio in downtown L.A. that is a haven for other photographers to come and learn, and also a beautiful studio, a dream studio space with wide big brick wall, where I can do beautiful portraits of my clients. Beautiful portraits. I am certain that in the next 10 years, I am going to build a body of work that is better than the body of work I've already built, because I want this, I want this. I want to build a body of work that outlives me, so that when I die, somebody will look back and say she built this body of work because she cared so much about it. I have conviction and certainty that I want to empower business owners into making money and being paid creative, and unleashing their full potential, the purpose that they dream of, their ability to achieve wealth, and their ability to actually live the path that they were born to live, unhindered with the pain of living all of this drama, and just being free to be the amazing, creative, beautiful people that they were capable of being. I have conviction and certainty that I am going to build a network of education that will explode the world of portraiture and small business, because I now understand that everything that stopped me, being uneducated, being poor, you know, it makes me wanna cry when I say it, it's like I'm still the little poor girl from South Oakland. Being uneducated and poor, I'm like, what is that stigma, I say it, it comes up. Yes, it's always gonna come up, but dammit, it's not gonna hold me back, because my conviction will overpower it. I do not need permission, I do not need anything but the certainty that this is what I want. I have conviction because I believe in what I give, and I believe in the value of what I give and teach people now. I never had that, and I realize that those two things, certainty and conviction, were all that I need. And you can tell me that I'm not good enough, and you can tell me that I have no value, tell me today I have no value, and I will say today I have no value, but tomorrow will be different, because I have so much conviction for what I want, I'm gonna go after it every day, and you're not gonna stop me. Because I believe I can become this person, because I want it that much. So unless you believe it, and you have conviction, and certainty that it's what you want, and that's what you can give, you wanna go after it 'cause you can always sit back and look for somebody else to bring you to your dreams and goals. And all you need is that certainty. Okay, right now I don't know if I'm worth $1,000 a day, but I am of a professional standard, and I am gonna work every day to validate that thousand dollars a day until I'm receiving it, and then I'll make it 2,000, and then I'll make it 3,000 a day. I am certain of this, and I have conviction, and yes, the road to that success is going to be hard and I might get kicked back, but I'm so certain of it that I'm going to go after it. That is all you need, right there, is certainty and conviction. And so the only question that I can really ask you is, so what do you want? And you're the only one that can answer that question. And when life gets in the way, you just look and say, where am I blocking this income to me right now? I look forward to hearing every success story from everybody who has watched this workshop today. I look forward to watching incomes double, triple, quadruple, and I look forward to watching you open up to real businesses, and certainty and conviction. And I believe that you are worth that, and I believe if I can change it, you can too. You honor me today. Thank you. (applause) (muffled by applause) to come up with Sue as well. (cheering and applause)