Lessons

Lesson Info

Class Introduction

today we're talking about negotiation, asking for more money, bargaining, stating your worth. So let's really talk for a second. How many people feel like when I say asking for money or asking for your worth or negotiating it makes you a little bit nervous? Okay, you are not alone. There is this huge problem. We talk about negotiation of money, which is two things. One is we don't really think of negotiation as a skill. It's sort of assumed you'll kind of pick it up along the way. But if you're brilliant, if you're a good job candidate or you do really good work, that your clients will be willing to pay for it, or that someone will see it and then give you a raise or a bonus, as you are do. But actually it doesn't usually work that way, and what happens is we end up losing out. So my goal is to remedy this and make it negotiation a skill, a very learn herbal framework specifically, and these are the three things that I'm gonna be trying toe push against for the next few hours. I do not...

think we're taught skills, and negotiation is a skill. Talking about money is a skill set, and we can learn it. I do believe it's that way. I don't think it's something that you kind of can guess or learn by osmosis. Second worth. So if we're going to talk about money, we have to talk about worth. And it's hard to separate out the mechanics of how to ask for money and the feelings of asking for what you're worth and valuing what you're worth, right, like those things go hand in hand. So I want to both show you you're worth help. You find it also feel like how you could talk about it in a humble, authentic way, right? So doesn't feel like you're overly selling that often that car sales mean kind of technique, and lastly, we do not just pick it up. Eventually, that's why you're here. At the end of this three hours, four hours. With our bonus material, you will have this skill you will be. It will be done. It was a framework that I think we can master. So no more anxiety about talking about money, no more hesitations. I want to make money, something fun to talk about. and I actually think that today we can do it. I have over 100 pages with the activities. We're gonna be doing a lot of really interesting things that hopefully you've never done before and the way that I like to think about negotiation is actually gonna help us. We talk about how we pitch to clients, clients or bosses, and by the way, we talk about negotiation. This could be negotiating for a car negotiating for a house, increasing your rates. It's the big and the small for the same skills. There's two ways to think about negotiation, and this is how I want to start thinking about it for the people you're pitching with. Vitamins and painkillers. Maybe you've heard this concept before. We're talking about a lot, So painkillers are those things that you want and need right away. If you have a headache, you're like I need an Advil now, right? You'll like certain ripped through your purse. You ripped through every every medicine cabinet to find that pill, and you immediately take it because it's an instant need that you wanna have filled. So I want this course to be a painkiller. I want you to think about something in your life. Everyone at home watching What is something immediately that you want to get done. So that could be I have an interview. I have a raise. I want I want to get a new client. I want to raise my rates. I have a specific negotiation coming up. I want to buy a car house. Those are all painkillers, right? Immediate things that we can do. The other aspect of this is the vitamin, the good for use, right? So vitamins were not nearly as desperate. Take our vitamins like we're like, Oh, I really should really should take that calcium pill. He really should write. And we, like, have it out on our kitchen counter. I'm like, when we're feeling bored or like, you know, we're like listening to NPR. We, like, open it up in, like, pop one right? Like that. So I take my vitamins. So this is also a vitamin course. So if you're watching, you don't necessarily have something really specific coming up that is okay too. I also feel like this is a back pocket skill, or this is one of those skills. And it was nice toe, have it. So this is a framework that you can use no matter what. In any case, it's a very simple, three step framework. There's multiple steps, of course, in those steps, but it's a very simple framework you could move through. I also think that once you start toe, learn these skills, you won't. You will be surprised at how often you use. It does kick us off. If you in life you don't get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate. This is a really important concept. I have no doubt that you have a lot of skills on a lot of talent, and I wish it worked the way where you could do your best work. He would go, Yes, I want to pay you a lot of money for it. Unfortunately, it doesn't always work that way. And I think if we don't learn toe, ask for what we are worth, we don't always get it, and so you're deserving of all of it. The question is, how do you ask for in the right ways? When I started teaching negotiation again, it was an accidental skill. I asked people what is negotiation So my favorite questions. My mom teaching close, I'd like What is this? All kinds of interesting things come up when you ask about what is negotiation. Debating about money, fighting to prove your worth? A heated discussion, something hard. That was a formal response. That was question what I'm bad at. Oh, I thought it was amazing what happens when I lose money, Huh? That framing we've got to change that framing. Ah, stressful conversation. Almost always when I talk about negotiation, this idea of stress or confrontation or kind of that tension that given take comes and that is actually not the negotiation is if you actually look at the rial definition of negotiation, it is just a discussion aimed at reaching agreement. That's a very different framing. Tregoe, she ation. It doesn't include confrontation. It doesn't include anything stressful. In fact, the entire gold negotiation is agreement. It's not necessarily winning or losing its not trying to take something, another person, the entire thing we're gonna be talking about staying. Everything underlying we're talking about is agreement. We're talking a lot about partnership and how that works in it so that we feel good about our negotiations that no one's walking out as a loser. Science. You ready for some science? So these are the studies that no one is reading, and there they are, incredible databases full of these studies that no one is using. So I take a very science based approach. As you know, I'm a science junkie in our lab. 1st 1 real easy self efficacy. When you ask people, do you know how to negotiate? Their answer to that question predicts how good they are negotiation whether or not they actually know how to negotiate. In other words, our mindset or our perception of our skills is predictive of our negotiation ability. So the good news is, is everyone who is watching you will now know how to negotiate. So already we're gonna increase your chances of getting it up because there is a framework. Once you know the framework, just having that self efficacy gives you a nice set of confidence. The other thing to think about here is actually the science for earning, and saving is the same. In other words, if you go into a negotiation trying toe, earn more money, right, you're asking for a raise or trying to get more money from your clients. It is the same science and the same framework as trying to save money. If you're buying something, like buying a car or buying a house, that is very convenient for us, right? That that works that well. So whatever your goal is, whether it's on the saving or the earning side, it works for both here my specific goals for the next few hours. First, I want to remove the anxiety from money and negotiation, especially the difficulty. I don't think it has to be difficult, and I've had some really intense long negotiations with big money values, and I would not call them difficult after using this framework. Second, hacking the science, using the best of the best research to be able to get control. That one of the biggest things that causes a lot of anxiety is we go into the room where we go into a room full of money, right clients or ah boss on. We know the money is on the table, but we don't know how to get control. The situation. We don't know who says the first number, right? We don't know what to say first. We don't know how to transition in talking about money. We don't know what to say after someone has come back at us with a challenge. So I want to bring control back in that conversation. So you know what to say. Knowing and showing your worth, which I talked about. And this is two different things. Knowing your worth is one thing. Being able to talk about it effectively is the second bottom line. Get you more money. And lastly, your goal. And this is what I'm gonna toss it to you. So you came in here. You clicked on this class with something in mind, right? Some specific thing. Maybe you know that you're due for a rate raise. Maybe you want to go and talk to your boss about something and you want to re negotiate your rental lease, whatever that goal is. I want to help you with that. They're two buckets here. We're talking about goals. Of course, the obvious business goals. So asking for a raise, pricing your services correctly right there, getting the right pricing, negotiating for benefits. So, you know, compensation is not just about a dollar value. There's other aspects that we negotiate for bargaining for better deals and deliberating with clients business we get. But of course, there's the life ones, too. Airline counters, right? Making sure you get that very last seat on that flight that you want. Garage sales, your least buying a car towards the partner, getting someone to vote, right, Like all of these things happen. These are all basic negotiation strategies. So they fall into two different buckets. Some other specific questions I'm gonna answer if you're thinking about this at home. One. What's the best time of dates? Negotiate. I'll be answering questions you didn't even think that you have. That's gonna be the best part. There's some really amazing science out there who should say the first price, right? Who drops the first number? How should I open a negotiation? How do I deal with deadlock? So deadlock and we're going to talk about this in our bonus section is what do you do if you're neither person wants to budge. Both person thinks that they're right and no one's giving and you want to make a deal. But you can't. What do you do in those deadlock situations? What should I charge, right? How do we price our services? How do we do that? In a kind of a different way? I think about pricing in charge and a little bit different way than most people. And can I use these negotiation tips with negotiations by email, face to face and phone? Are they the same? So there are a lot of similar things, but there's also some slight different things between phone email paste face was going to be addressing. There's a couple buckets also with mistakes and successes, so let's just get these out on the table. The most common mistakes I see in any kind of negotiation, whether you're but you're earning or you're saving undervaluing yourself, I cannot tell you how often we under charge, which gives us absolutely no room to negotiate. When we don't have enough space in our budget, we get really closed up. We go into a scarcity mentality and it makes it really hard toe negotiating a really healthy partner agreement kind of way. Taking it personally. This is this is a really hard one, especially if you are asking you're selling services. It's very hard to separate your services from yourself And so we're going to try and talk about how to make a little bit of distance there with being able to know that your services are separate from you successes feeling more confident, being in control, hopefully earning more than you expected going into the higher expectation. And lastly, there is this learning peace. This is the vitamin part of the course, right? This isn't the painkiller part. I do hope that in a short course you could learn a little bit more about yourself about where your hangups are, where you have. We're sticking points on what the easy things are for you and learning more about your partner. Right? Learning more about your boss, learning more about the person you're talking with, learning more about your clients, how to be a better provider for them. Hopefully that's another vitamin. Pieces Well is the first big concept of the course. It's called the partner mindset. This is in your workbook for you. If you want to follow along. I have all of the kind of skills throughout Partner mindset. Your partner is not your enemy, not your opponent, not your antagonist. We work with them, not against them. for the rest of the course. From this moment forward, I will call the person you're talking with. Your partner. You're negotiating partner. They're not your opponent. I think that we should think about negotiation as playing a ball game. I think this mindset is much more helpful because both teams win in a certain sense, were like, Yes, someone win in the end of the game But as we play, we get better and better, right? We can practice. We could hone our skills. We can have positions for different things. We also enjoy the process, like for the whole part of the game is the playing parts and we have this playful mindset. I think it helps us get into a much better frame were actually interacting with people. Researchers at UC Berkeley found that people who believe their negotiation skills can improve with time are more successful in those who think negotiation skills are fixed. So we know this right? I'm sure you've heard about the growth versus fixed mindset. I talked about it with my other courses. The growth mindset is incredibly important, so no matter where you are right now, whether you think that your Ah, zero or a hero. When it comes negotiation, everyone can learn these skills. You do not have to be born with them. Let's reframe negotiation as a fun challenge. Your time is very precious, right? Every minute you put in this course is a minute away from something else. So my goal is that this course will pay for itself at least 10 X. Hopefully that is with your negotiating goal. But it might also be down the line right in the car negotiation or in that garage sale negotiation. At least I want your time and your financial investment to pay itself off. Let me talk about how I've organized the course so we know what our framework is today. We have a lot to cover first. I'm talking about before the negotiation. Most people don't think about doing much prep work. I actually this is sort of the hidden area that we need. So the first section is going to be What do you do before you walk into the room to prepare to have the best possible negotiation? Second, during writes, This is the big one. How do you open? How do you build report? How do you transition from a poor and asking for money? How do you do that? Back and forth. We were talking about the during and then the very end. After what's your postmortem? How do you follow up? How do you make sure you close a deal if you didn't weren't able to close in the room? What do you do afterwards to make that relationship last? Extras. We have a section on de escalating anger. You ever? Not everyone does. If you have people who get a little bit heated during their debates, negotiating by email, that's something that you do a lot in your business. I'm gonna have a special section on the science of negotiating by email. There's a lot of research on that and a couple back pocket questions things to keep for you. I've also had a couple of my people in my life write articles for you on negotiation strategies and specific areas. So our realtor, Alexis Wolf, wrote a whole article and tutorial in the workbook for you on how to negotiate for a home. My insurance agent, Alex Occupant, you wrote a whole tutorial, so I actually said to them like, Let's write out exactly what they would need if that's for you. If you're I need to get insurance for your business or get a home. They have special tips for you in that bonus section. Those air in the workbook Let me talk about the workbook for a second. Everything that I couldn't fit in the slides, in addition to what I could put in the slides, is in the workbook for you so you can follow along.