Lessons

Lesson Info

Stories of Confidence

- [Sheri] Our attitude is key and with that attitude is that thing we just talked about, that confidence and that drive. That confidence and that drive. Before today, how many of you had never even thought about the difference between confidence and drive? Yeah what was your initial thoughts about that whole confidence and drive? Yes? - Will you stand for us? - [Female Audience 1] Okay. So I was talking about how if you're feeling resistance and subconscious resistance. And when I think back, I want to become more of a personal chef and really design food from my heart and create heartful events. And part of that resistance I'm kind of looking back more and more and more is that maybe it's associated with the fact in college when I cooked a meal for my mom and my grandmother and my mom was like, "Now you're ready to find your husband." And I'm like, "I didn't go to college I didn't study hard, I didn't go to a really great school." And it's just she didn't acknowledge these other aspec...

ts of me, but said I'm just ready for a husband to cook. And I'm really resistant to cook for people with that intention. And so when I'm thinking of my business I'm like, am I getting respected as a professional with food even though I know there's a lot of people out there that cook as a profession and it's just this ingrained, deep thing. And there's some other resistances, but I'm trying to understand how do you distinguish that subconscious resistance and to not get in way of your motivation and confidence of what you're doing, so. - Yeah and it really kind of meshes what we talked about when I was saying what my grandmother said, "You talk too much." All right and it kind of created that feeling. And what I realized is it did, it robbed me of the confidence. So I was still driven to prove that I could do what I could do, but the confidence was kind of rattled because of those walls around, those ceilings, those thoughts. Again, the paradigm shift. So my question to you is do you have a little bit more courage than fear to allow that voice to get smaller and smaller and eventually that thought be removed and replace it with, "My cooking skills are because of the qualities that I bring, not just to get a husband."? Are you able and willing to really commit to that reframing of that thought? When that thought comes up, just automatically reframing it. - Well, what helped me, I started to stage for different chefs and I saw how they can incorporate a lot of love and respect for women in the kitchen and… Yeah and they said, "Why aren't you a chef now?" And from someone I really respect and so…in his cooking skills and respect for women. And so it really helped to hear that. And to reframe it like that, I think that helped me reframe it and the courage to go forth that someone that I respected in the field and that respects women in general that doesn't see them as they have to be partnership with something, someone else, to be of value. And it's yeah it's… That helped reframe. And I think just getting the feedback from other people, but I want to have that internal thing that doesn't go away whether or not other people… - That is that confidence, yes. Yes. That is when I say our confidence is our inner strength, that regardless of what's going on external, that we own, we are confident in who we are regardless of whether they love your food or not love your food, whether you are a good chef or not a good chef, because that's so subjective anyway. But you know from your own confidence that you're good, you're great and that you do it with love and purpose and just keep holding that. And it is a process. It is a process. It's a lifestyle of continuing to reframe those thoughts. Yes, thank you. Thank you. Who else? Confidence and drive? - [Female audience member 2] If I focused on drive then I would achieve confidence, so they didn't… They were one after the other for me. And so that was that mindfulness of, "Well, if I'm not feeling confident, I have more work to do," and not trusting that it's pointing resources in the right way. What I've enjoyed from another Creative Live performance with Mel Robbins the confidence is daring to move forward. And that was a really big earth shake on that because it was like, well I'm not feeling confident. I'm in the… Because I'm not feeling confident, I'm not in the right place and therefore I'm not moving. But then I'll just go be busy and then I won't head into the right path. And so, I feel like those are self-fulfilling prophecies in a lot of ways. - Yes, yes. Oh, I love it. I love it. Anyone else want to share then? Yes? - [Female audience member 3] I've found at least thus far, the only way that I can gain confidence is doing things that terrify me. And I'm watching my language. So meaning if it scares you, it's probably something you need to at least try and I love your idea of if it doesn't work, course correct. And if it does work, rinse and repeat. - Rinse and repeat. - I'm learning. But terrified...those things that scare you are the things that you can look back and go, "I can do it. I'm capable of making these changes or doing that thing that is absolutely terrifying." Again, goes back to fear a little bit more courage than fear and just leaning into that a little bit. But the only way I've been able to find that confidence is to not chase it, but do it. - That's good, that's a keeper there. Don't chase it, do it. Yeah and you know how when you say terrifying I'm going give you an alternate word. It's outside of your comfort zone. - Okay. - Yeah, outside of your comfort zone. Yes, right here we have… Daniel you might hand… We have the mic right here. Yes. - [Female audience member 4] So confidence for me is something I've really been more aware of in the last year. In some ways my drive has helped me become more confident in the work I do and I'm now doing work that I love. And when I'm doing that, I'm fired, I got it, I bring everyone in around me. And when I'm pulled out, in some ways my comfort zone being specifically certain social situations that I think for me as an introvert can sometimes be overwhelming, that I completely revert into a shell. And so, it's this interesting duality that I have where in some areas I've worked extremely hard and have pushed my comfort zone and done a lot of things that have made me confident. And then there's this whole other side of me that it doesn't…it's not universal or I'm not grounded in that that I really kind of grapple with a little bit as far as why can't I show up in that same level in this other area that I might not know people or I'm just not sure about myself but I struggle with that a lot. - What are you expecting of yourself in those uncomfortable environments? - I think sometimes it's like how I'm trying to connect with people or sometimes I don't know what to talk about with people because sometimes they already have an established connection. And so coming in to that not having that level, I can just go blank and just, I don't want to just do the "get to know you," questions, but want to have those connections. And then, yeah, I just don't know how to show up as myself in that sometimes. And I just kind of end up almost being a voyeur and just sitting back and watching, which is also a bit more of my introverted trait, too, that I like to really assess around me and then kind of jump in. - And is there anything you've thought of that would allow you to insert but still be you? How do you... What would you do if you were comfortable to insert yourself? - That's a great question as far as, yeah. I don't know sometimes it's just I think I get so stuck on trying to figure out how to establish the connection or I have such different interests that I sometimes, that's that bridge that I sometimes get lost on. - I'm an introvert who learned how to live as an extrovert and I'm you. When I get in a room I love to just sit in a corner and be quiet and watch, which I did for so long that I did not develop the small talk skill, you know, that small talk. And so, what I've done to help in that situation is the art of the question. So instead of inserting yourself with what you want to talk about, what I've kind of learned that's helped is what are those kind of two or three questions that you can be comfortable with that allows the conversation to flow, that allows you to insert yourself as an introvert, that allows you to really be in it but not in it. And so, I have these really kind of universal questions... People love to talk about themselves. - What are you questions? - What are my questions? So it depends on the environment. And they're really kind of broad, but it allows me to narrow in. And I've done it with some of you guys. So if it's in a work environment or you know, a spouses environment it's not my environment. If it's a company thing, well what do you do at the company, right? If it's a company thing, where are you from? That always… "I grew up here." And then usually whenever you ask those one or two kind of broad questions, their answer always allows you to figure out some kind of touch point or it brings a question that you then would love to hear. So if I said, if I ask you where are you from? Where are you from? - Colorado. - Colorado, oh my god my cousin lives in Colorado. What part of Colorado? - [inaudible] - Let me tell you the last time I went to Colorado I flew… Boom see how we just… And I would tell you a story of when I landed or… So there's always something. And so, for me as an introvert, I don't have to lead the conversation I can now join. And then what happens is if it's in more than three people someone else is going to come in and then you can just sit there and be and you don't have to say anything else but you're now in the circle. Do you kind of see how that… Would that help? Yeah, that's good because I clam up so easy. And everyone thinks because I talk so much and I'm a great networker that I'm an extrovert. I am such an introvert who learned how to live as an extrovert and I'm awful at small talk. So I read about… I read what's happening in politics, what's happening in sports you know those universal kind of topics, what's happening in business. I'll find two or three key things. It never fails me. Whatever room I'm in between those four or five topics, you got to have some kind of touch point. Yeah, perfect, wonderful. I'd love to hear one more person confidence and drive. Yes, Mark. - [Mark] You know, it's really interesting to me going back to presence and being present and I was relating it to confidence. Confidence is a knowingness is it's being centered, being present and... versus driven is really being detached, it's trying to create something that's not, maybe, there. And it was so interesting to see, I mean, I guess I'm still digesting it and I'm listening to what others are saying and what you were saying and yeah, it was really eye-opening and mind-opening, I guess. But when you can approach something with confidence and not being driven, it's a whole different… it's just so much more real and grounded in things, I guess. - Yeah it really is, and that whole being vulnerable, like, drive is our confidence strength. Confidence is our vulnerable strength and you said it. Being that center... It takes true vulnerability to be confident, because you've really... There are moments in time that you generally have to let everything go, all your pride, your ego, your career, your titles, your everything and literally just live in who you are and show up who you are. And to do that on a daily basis takes a lot of vulnerability but it really is our strength. It really is our strength, yes. - Yes it very prolific thank you very much. - Thank you mark. Thank you [silence]