Lessons

Lesson Info

Understanding Your Spending Type

I want to just give you a little pre frame here so I'm going to go into the money types now please please please please please please please take this with a grain of salt what I mean by that is I'm not putting you in a box I'm not saying this is who you are you are going to say this is who I am most similar to and why is this important? This is important because when you can look att it outside of yourself like this is the type okay? This is the type and if you see what I'm gonna all you're going to do today you're just gonna rate yourself one through ten which is most similar and you're gonna figure out this is my dominant money type and when you do that and we see what is this typically this type typically what are their beliefs? One of the characteristics one of the behaviours what impossible challenges when you see that that type outside of yourself has these challenges you can say well I have similar challenges maybe not exactly the same but you khun you can understand that type ...

and then you can shift them and the idea is to keep it a little bit separate so that you don't judge yourself it's ok where we're all all of us are all all of these types like there's, a part of us and every single one of these types is just to what degree and how is it affecting your life does that make sense and by the way they're not gender specific so you will see their represented the bys one gender or another and it doesn't mean that it can't be you just because for example just because it spent there sally it was really funny this is ah spent there sally you put a picture on here too doesn't she look glamorous and lovely it's so funny because I've now these air by my daughter's barbies and I've now you know played with them so many times to describe these money types but I was like packing up I'm like this is really dorky I was like okay spendthrift 00:01:58.111 --> 00:02:01. sally get ready for your big shot we're going to san 00:02:01.28 --> 00:02:04. francisco guy is like such a dork I'm like but it's 00:02:04.98 --> 00:02:07. kind of funny because now they have like such meaning 00:02:07.42 --> 00:02:10. to me because I've helped so many people so spendthrift 00:02:10.64 --> 00:02:14. sally so you can see just by looking at her that spendthrift 00:02:14.43 --> 00:02:18. sally likes bling yeah she likes toe look good she's 00:02:18.7 --> 00:02:22. got fancy hearings she's got a nice necklace she's 00:02:22.23 --> 00:02:27. wearing a sparkly dress this girl likes to shop she 00:02:27.58 --> 00:02:30. likes to shop she liked to spend money but here's 00:02:30.25 --> 00:02:33. the thing she goes she feels good she'll go in shops 00:02:33.36 --> 00:02:36. and money by a bunch of stuff and then sometimes month 00:02:36.41 --> 00:02:38. of sally goes home he feels guilty 00:02:39.92 --> 00:02:44. I should have done that. I don't need it maybe that 00:02:44.08 --> 00:02:48. was a bad idea. Bills come a man either. I can't pay 00:02:48.46 --> 00:02:51. the bills. Or maybe, you know, it's just they're piling 00:02:51.95 --> 00:02:55. up. They're piling up, and I could not maybe not pay 00:02:55.55 --> 00:02:57. them off or even if I do pay them off, have nothing 00:02:57.81 --> 00:03:01. left to save or very little. Okay, so I'm saying maybe 00:03:01.33 --> 00:03:03. maybe maybe. And if I say exact, just think of it 00:03:03.86 --> 00:03:07. is the very extreme. So a ten for spendthrift sally 00:03:07.53 --> 00:03:10. would be, you know, buys impulsively like aa lot. 00:03:11.03 --> 00:03:15. Okay feels good. She does it for comfort, not necessarily 00:03:15.5 --> 00:03:18. because she needs the thing or even that she wants 00:03:18.43 --> 00:03:21. a thing. But, like, sometimes, if she's depressed, 00:03:21.57 --> 00:03:25. she'll go shopping, makes you feel good, right? You 00:03:25.57 --> 00:03:27. know, people like this, whether it's you or not, do 00:03:27.85 --> 00:03:31. you know people like this? Okay, so rate yourself 00:03:31.23 --> 00:03:36. on a scale of one to ten one being, I'm not like spendthrift 00:03:36.28 --> 00:03:41. sally at all and ten being like I'm totally spent 00:03:41.21 --> 00:03:44. through sally like you hit the nail on the head. I'm 00:03:44.14 --> 00:03:44. spendthrift sally. 00:03:47.47 --> 00:03:49. I want to make sure didn't miss anything okay cool 00:03:49.77 --> 00:03:53. so yes for the beliefs would that be like if I buy 00:03:53.82 --> 00:03:56. this I'll feel better okay great great great question 00:03:56.92 --> 00:03:59. okay so turn to page sixty five yougot your manual 00:04:00.21 --> 00:04:02. so we'll take a look at here so what I put there is 00:04:02.39 --> 00:04:04. the characteristic so character six would be like 00:04:04.99 --> 00:04:08. she spends impulsively she likes to shop feels good when she goes and buys find the page right what are the beliefs now there's a lot of one belief maybe I deserve it maybe spend through sally works really hard and makes good money and she's like I worked really hard and make good money I deserve it right she keeps telling yourself that and again this could be a guy so please no spendthrift sal he's just in drag s o spent through south or spent through sally believes that I'll always have money like oftentimes they don't think that it's going to ever dry up like the money will be there the money will come so keep telling myself it's okay so don't have to experience the pain of the bills or experience the pain of not have not saving because it's just it's impulsive it's fun go out there and enjoy it and I just want to have fun that's another belief I just wanna have fun but I deserve it is pretty key and the money won't run out would be two of the biggest beliefs. Can you think of other beliefs? That spendthrift sally might have. It doesn't hurt them once but that you only live once awesome you know that once my as well hey I mean another thing it might be I got money now and I might not have it later so let's enjoy it you know have fun okay so rate yourself the main thing here if you don't capture everything that's ok but ray yourself from one to ten so ten you're totally like spendthrift sally yeah you know bette please uh no debt please excuse me uh not spin through if sally but spendthrift sal is her husband oh yeah yeah okay that brings up an awesome point okay so you probably know your spouse and very very well your partner very very well and in your head you're probably thinking okay that's totally my husband and that's my wife or whatever and and you may be accurate but I'm going to give you a warning here because I made the mistake of trying to categorize my husband and he wasn't like that I don't think that's me you know and then he felt judged and even if he did think it was him he still felt judged now that's because I told him and I'm not saying you know that that you told him that but just be careful because people this deal if I said hey you are spent their of sally and you're like no I'm not r maybe I am but now I feel like that's a bad thing so these aren't good or bad every single one of these money types has good and bad characteristics I'm focusing more on the negative side it's not even that negative but how it may not be serving you because if you run these patterns it's such it's so it's so easy to shift it's so easy to shift the patterns when you know what the pattern is spending for example like in the in the demo reel that you saw yesterday the very beginning of the session this one woman says I have a spending problem you remember that it was just one little clip she doesn't have a spending problem it's like she she's the one I didn't tell her that but she's the one that realized that she spends a lot and it's not in line with her goals other things that she wants in her life and it's just a pattern that she runs because it makes her feel good at the time but she's ah perfect example she gets home and then she's like I can't pay the bills you know she's not bringing income her husband's making the money her husband you know is it making her feel bad about it but she feels all this guilt and that's very that's a very characteristic of spendthrift sally toe I still feel guilty afterwards and she might not be making the money she may be making the money doesn't really matter just the pattern big pattern of just how she spends money okay so the next the next money type is please let me introduce you cheap tim oh I forgot to tell you because I wanted you to write yourself a cheap ship is gonna wait you're gonna have to wait honey just europe scene it's okay okay hold on there going back to spend their sally I just wanted to tell you um I rated myself a three so I don't really like to spend money I used to get very anxious about spending money I'm like I don't really get that I don't have that issue is much anymore but like to me like shopping is a chore I got on ly want to go shopping if I know exactly what I want to buy and still I don't really want to go and my husband is better like he will go to a mall or we'll go you know to a store or something and know he's good at it he's like he picks things out and I'm terrible at and I'm like okay like he's much better at picking out my wardrobe than I am and it's awesome because I don't want to do it I just want to like get it get out of there and he goes and he's like looks around and shops and then my husband has this has this pattern. If he buys a ton of stuff he buys a ton of stuff that we maybe need or maybe we don't but that he thinks we need but he's not sure which is going to be best and so he buys all these things like all these different options of the same thing then we go home and then there's all the stuff and he's like okay I'm gonna keep this one and then he takes all the other stuff back so we actually takes it back and we're constantly going shopping and then taking these back to safely shopping picking things back because like that's just how he does it so everyone has different patterns around their shopping but it's just good to recognize right so I gave myself a because I'm not I really don't spend impulsively especially on like material things so give it rate yourself um and then we'll go through the other many types cool can I ask you what you rated yourself I'm kind of curious four four a eight awesome okay cool so let's see if that's that maybe your dominant type may not be you'll see and it's good too as you go through this to compare because if you're sure if you're like I'm not sure if it's an eight or seven or nine or that sort of thing well then you can ask yourself well if I gave myself it's relative right so if I gave myself an eight has spent through sally then am I more like this I'll give it nine if I'm less give it a seven then you'll get you make sure you don't get the same number okay I'm sorry you've been very patient chief chip this is cheap tip okay as you can see cheap chip has um a shirt doesn't even fit him yes he wants to show off his beautiful body but it's more that he doesn't want to buy new clothes he doesn't like to spend money he grew out of this shirt but he's still wearing it because it's just not worth it to him to spend the money so he's constantly looking at value man cheap shit loves good deals loves a discount I mean if there's a disk like if you can get a coupon for something like he probably won't even go out if he doesn't use a coupon so the extreme of cheap chip is that he really, really doesn't like to spend money he gets really anxious about spending money even when he does spend money often times he's like I was if you remember that story yesterday where I showed that picture of a woman going like this right because I was in the restaurant feeling like total anxiety and worry because it didn't want to spend the money classic cheap chip move rob's classic cheap shit move so cheap chip tends to save tends to hoard money he wants to keep it close to him now some of his beliefs are he believes that he doesn't have enough that he never will have enough that what he does have, he might lose, so we need to keep it close. He believes that it really in value, really focus on value. Because if it's not a good deal it's probably not worth buying okay so I raided myself I used to be a ten I mean I was very very anxious right as I told you in the story but but now I've gotten much better but this is what I want you to notice I'm still a seven chelsea I'm still a seven because I still have those tendencies I don't like to shop I don't like to spend money I don't really get anxious about it anymore like I don't feel bad about it but it's just not what I want to spend my time doing like if I could save all my money room I told the story yesterday about the richest man man in babylon and I said you know at first he was actually the second time the second lesson he learned was that he like he made money actually worked he had interests his money was working for him and then he went and spent it on clothes and a fine feast right man so like for me the more money I get the more money I just want to say it like I can't wait to save and pack it away and stick it up and make it grow and that's weird sometimes now but it's just I get giddy about that because that's what's important to me right? Okay cool two chips yeah yeah the dichotomy about that please so I love a discount don't we all and even spend through sally love the discount by the way okay didn't know that about since okay so then then those changes my number because because um because I love a discount but and that's the only time I will have a shop that's what's getting a discount of some sort yes you know and it's like a percentage of its not like twenty percent or more I won't job so here's another great point rina is that we all have our rules way have we have all these rules that determining what we do each day and like you don't even know it's kind of like I had all those rules in my head when I was at the dollar store right? The dollar store incident I told you about yesterday with trevor and I had all these rules like about how much we each should do you know how even and fair it should be all the stuff that I didn't share with him so it's really cool to recognize your rules so this is great because I'm sure everyone at home is a little bit confused which is fine or your may be totally not confused you're either confused or you're not confused and I'm one hundred one hundred percent sure of that so um spendthrift sally as faras discounts go um the main thing is she spends impulsively but she often will make excuses as to why she needs to buy that so for example when it comes to discounts like she'll go to the store it's like oh it's on sale so I have to buy it like that's an excuse versus cheap chip he doesn't even want to go out like he brings coupons like it's just not worth it to him she's making excuses why she needs to buy it because it's on sale and that that feeling of like loss if I don't get it now I may never be able to have it so I must have it right now that's spent through sally that's why she buys all the time because what if she doesn't get it what if this sale is over what if this goes out of style they no longer have it in stock right muhammad from imf a who says I would rate myself ofthree if alone but if I'm shopping with my husband of five I guess it doesn't matter upon which archetype how does shopping or spending money with someone else affect picture score or are we just focusing on what ours is alone if left her own devices yeah I mean focus on focus on you because that what that tells me if you the way you do it alone it's probably your go to like that's mohr ingrained in us or the characteristics of you and your type versus you may be influenced by your spouse or your partner right so if you're influenced by them and you do something different because they're there, it may be because of some fear, like you're not accepted or you're not loved or, you know, maybe he's going to feel like you don't want to look cheap, you know? So you're you have all these things going on in your head about how someone's going to perceive you, even if it is just your spouse or your partner, right? So you have all these things going on, and so you may act differently or feel differently, even because you're afraid to be judged or you're thinking they're thinking something else, and so you're like, you actually are putting a little bit of a mask on. So look at yourself when you go alone, that will make it easier. Um, and then just just get good enough because we can spend all day on this there's a lot to go through so you don't worry about perfect, just like and then go back, like if you said, oh, I think I'm a three and then you're like, well, actually, now that I know cheap chip, I'm probably a four just just let it let it mold, let it figured out, ok, cool, so next oh, right yourself to chip, what do you got? One or two one or two okay great five five okay awesome so the next okay is overgenerous olivia so over dennis olivia um I had to just you know find things to use for my daughter's ah toy toy box overgenerous olivia as you can see she's wearing an oversized t shirt so she gives so much she's so generous that she doesn't give to herself okay so why is she wearing an oversized t shirt because a hand me down because she didn't have the money to buy new clothes so she gives everything away and someone gave it to her and so that's what she has or she got it you know for cheap it's just because she doesn't tend to have much money now also overgenerous olivia tends to be spiritually okay because she thinks that oh if I just give I'm gonna get more love and you know it's not about the money it's all about you know what life it like there's just some some ethereal like aura to her not always but that tends to happen like I have a friend she's not very spiritually necessarily but she's very very generous and she's always giving always giving always giving I am not here to tell you not to give and give as much as you possibly can but take care of yourself first so that you have more to give like because oprah gives ah lot right she gives so much I mean she's total philanthropist she she has schools in africa I mean she's just giving giving giving but it's because she's created such a massive fortune that she has the money to do it so for overgenerous olivia she believes that you know she doesn't really deserve it she doesn't really need it she believes that by giving she'll feel loved she believes that you know and typically she may believe in spirituality like I just don't need the money because there's other things in life that are more important does that make sense and you know she may be a big tipper because she's like to just kind of felt like it's burning a hole in her money is burning a hole in her pocket like spendthrifts alec she just wants to buy stuff but she just it's like she doesn't really know what to do with her money so she just thinks anytime she has it she should give it away okay again these air extreme so you want to rate yourself from one to ten overgenerous olivia I gave myself a four I mean I don't feel like I'm overgenerous certain times I am like I like to tip big baby because I was a waitress in my day but I like to give and it feels good to give but I typically just give like a percentage of my income like that's just kind of my rule my standard and I give and I'm cool with that and I definitely don't feel like I don't deserve money I'm like I deserve million's all good bringing on second more people right so what do you give yourself for overgenerous olivia six six three three is that your high score so far so far yeah okay cool awesome and your highest is spent there sally okay yes but it's not so much that I am like overly generous it's just that all because I'm so small you can't really tell because I'm you know sitting down only five feet tall so a lot of my clothes are like hand me downs from erica it's so so that and that and that and that and that's more of like kind of like a but do you have like keep kit aren't you giving your life to fight for money and you're giving things away a lot you give your time yes I give I mean I give a lot of my things away too yeah okay yes boss brings up a good point and says people who give and give and give don't understand the time value of money so what are your thoughts on that so yeah I mean so again these air just type so I'm just going to encourage you again not to be perfect about it but my husband for example he is very, very giving of his time very, very giving of his time. I mean, as I had mentioned he helped me tremendously with this seminar I mean he just he just wants to give but he's not overgenerous olivia so look at it more around your money andi think about the the beliefs of I mean typically she doesn't have much money so you can say well if I don't have much money I might be more like overgenerous olivia but let's just compare the two the two we've done that don't that may not have much money so spent through sally she may have a ton of money she just like has a you know I wouldn't say spending problem but she spends impulsively right I had a client who her husband made four hundred fifty thousand dollars a year right? They didn't have you would say they wouldn't have any challenges with money that's a lot of money right lived in the bay area and still do make good money but they didn't have much to show for themselves they're themselves because they spent everything they made more or less they save a little like in there for a one k but didn't have much saved considering how much money they made and the wife who didn't work she she just spends a lot and she felt so guilty about it and it was really really hard like until she came to me and it worked with me and around this thes um you know, archetypes and figure out where you are and how you feel I mean she was spending money she said on average she thought before we did her looked at her money on average of spending about two thousand dollars a month on clothes and things for the kids that sort of thing now again I'm not judging her at all and I want you if you do the same thing like it's not a judgment but here's what happened she would go home and she would feel really really guilty and in her relationship I mean they did look at their money as their money not necessarily his and hers like they they were they were good about that but she felt really guilty like he was making all the money and she was spending all the money and she did that sometimes because it was comfortable to her to go do that like to go out and shop in that sort of thing and then she'd feel really guilty because she felt like it wasn't her money to spend even though if she felt it was their money but then she should have this guilt so it tends to be this like talk about crazy eight like kind of like you go from oh happy feel good cause I'm spending money teo depressed guilt feel bad because I spent too much money you know and regret okay, so we're looking at these two in comparison like overgenerous olivia doesn't necessarily feel guilty like she just doesn't have much left because she just gives it all away, like she really believes that giving it's like the end all be all like if I give, I am loved and I'll give. And if you can focus more on the money, that will be easier. But she's not going to spend money on clothes, shoes and how much money, because she always gives it away, like just doesn't keep. It doesn't make sense, so you can rewrite yourself, and we'll see at the end what you feel do you feel closest to again? Delusional dan, where are you guy? Delusional? Dan thinks he looks like this, but he actually looks like this little guy. He thinks he's this cool show a guy I'm like a muscle man I'm awesome I'm rich I'm wealthy I'm cool I'm important I'm significant I'm hot but really he sees himself like this but he actually looks like this not that he's not a nice guy maybe he's you know a nerd maybe he's not you know it's just to represent but when representing is that he sees himself or not he didn't necessarily sees himself that way but he shows himself portrays himself that way so you would find delusional dan or danielle driving a showy car you know may be driving a bentley a mercedes something nice and even though it may not be appropriate before the for their financial goals they'll still get the nice car because they want to be perceived as wealthy successful you know high status does that make sense okay s so that's how how it relates to the money now in reality delusional dan he also likes a lot of opportunities so sometimes he goes for the opportunities but then it kind of sets him back and maybe doesn't get what he wants he's looking for that secret key the magic bullet right but then if you look at his financial situation he may be in debt or he may just be like barely getting by even though like from the outside like the neighbors thinks like he's on top right shows off I actually dated a guy in that ten year period when I didn't have a boyfriend I dated like go on one day here one day there so it's not like it in date but I remember I met this guy kind of weird at a chamber of commerce and and he was a banker and I was obviously a financial advisor and we started talking and he asked me out and for some whatever got asked out a chamber event I was awkward but and so we went out a couple times and I remember like he was driving this like super nice car that could come pick me up I don't remember what car because I just don't care about cars but it was nice car at least to me maybe it was a mercedes or something like that our bmw is probably bmw knee you countess picks me up and I'm like wow nice has got all the gadgets in there he turns on the stereo it's like boom mobile like its he's like impressing me with all his stuff you know and they takes me out to a really fancy dinner you know and he he pays and then we start talking about money because he's a banker I'm a financial advisor and he told me like he's in like total debt I mean he like you go to the bank and he advises you for your business of where you know where you should get your loans and that sort of thing like he's that's what he does and he has all this debt like I don't have fifty thousand dollars one hundred thousand out whatever it was it was a lot and again not to judge him because I don't care like it's it's not important to me what he does especially because I didn't marry him but what's important is to recognize those types you know and that's and that's a typical typical delusional dan is that looks really good from the outside and it's obviously very important to kind of show off a bit um but may not have everything in the s sight now you may be thinking well you know maybe like I just want you to make sure you're not feeling judge that's my main concern here because I'm not judging you so maybe you're like delusional dan and you uh you know you you buy a lot of great things but you have millions of dollars right and you also save so maybe you look at your life and you're like well wait a second like when I look at these two guys I'm a lot like delusional dan but I'm also like cheap chip maybe you're an eight because you buy all these showy things but your seven as cheap ship and no wonder you have money because yeah you use it you have abundance you show it off that's cool but then you also save you don't necessarily spend it on things you don't value even if maybe the car in the fancy house or the things that you value so you can see these together in a minute you're gonna put your um your dominant money type and your secondary your primary and then your secondary so that you could because sometimes they go together and the top two is really what drives you do do do do do do good paul is that neither too because I have two others that could ok good thank you good okay we'll definitely I want to hear what you guys figure it out hey last last character here delusional dan great yourself did you write yourself make sure that missing uh avoider al make sure you write yourself avoider out so avoider out you can see this he's blind so I'm not saying that blind people are avoiders I get all these chat like what are you saying about blind people? This is not to say anything bad about blind people what I'm saying is it's an analogy that avoider out doesn't look at his money he doesn't see things as they are all right he oftentimes gets very anxious about the idea of looking at his money and if he looks at it like I mean he just won't like he's not gonna look at it like I don't know why he would look at it because you're just gonna avoid like the ten of avoider out he's just really going to avoid it I'm gonna void and he keeps telling himself he believes he keeps telling himself that I don't need to look at it or if I look at it that I'm going to focus on the negative and I want to focus on the positive oftentimes avoider al is you know he really likes he likes to be an opportunist he likes to be op optimistic and if he starts looking at the things that aren't working which maybe in this case his money how he thinks it's going to bring him down and so like you might not open his bills he's like it's probably worse than it is like his he's thinking is probably worse than it actually is nothing he's sorry nothing he's thinking it's worse than it is but like he thinks he thinks it's worse than it is meaning that he thinks it's really, really, really bad and probably if he looked at it probably it wouldn't be a bad you're like blowing it up as a bigger deal out because you've blown it up in your head it's such a big deal you're afraid that when you look at it you're going to see that and then you're gonna free and like not be able to move you know like it's gonna hold you back and so you're like I'm just not gonna look or you you identify you associate so much pain toe looking at your money to managing your money to dealing with your money. You associate so much pain, whether maybe you don't focus on positive things, but you just associates so much pain. So looking at your money, teo teo, to talking about your money, toe managing your money, you're like, I'm just not gonna look. I have someone else. Do it. Or it'll just work out. So he believes that looking at his money's gonna be. Cause me too much pain right now here's what's really really interesting when my husband I first did this exercise you know I went through and I'm like I say delusional dan by the way I think I gave myself a five now one thing I didn't mention about I think I mentioned but let me let me point out about delusional dan is that he also sees opportunities like everything's an opportunity and often times he will then like just kind of like one way to think of it is like shiny penny you know you see a shiny penny shiny fanny shiny fanny like go after this then go after this and so he often changes courses or of course a lot because he's not sure which is the best and he's chasing that magic bullet that I did say right and I have a tendency to do that so that's why I gave myself a five now I could probably do this again and again I'll give myself different scores but when I first did this I was a five and the reason is is because um I'm delusional sometimes like I think like it's an opportunity and sometimes I drop what I'm even best at to follow that opportunity and that's hurt me in the past I'm recognizing that as something that something I can improve okay so when my husband did this he went through this exercise and he realised I don't remember the exact scores but he realized that his again remember when I tried to tell him what he waas like he was not happy felt judge she was like do not this is what happened to my husband if you tell him something he will fight like he's like it get out of my face kind of thing like I will push you away but if you ask me something I'll do anything for you that's how my husband is and it's similar with this is if I had told him oh you're avoider al honey well then he would have fought me on it but because he figured out for himself that's what he came up with an also was so amazing with him figuring out for himself he realized like what was holding him back now he realized that his primary money type was avoider out and his secondary money type was cheap chip so you can think of this combination like how someone would live now what happens in our family is that I take care of the money that's simply what I do I pay the bills I look at it all and my husband just kind of like we look at it together then I bring it to him and then we talk about and we do it my system and all that but he doesn't he only looks that if he kind of has to and he's not very involved until like that one day or those days and we talk about it all the time but like if there's anything negative about it like it's not perfecto what he thinks it should be he doesn't want to talk about doesn't know that's not true he'll talk about it but it doesn't really want to look at it and he does want to focus on the positive so if I'm talking about something I'm concerned about because my my tennessee was to be more worrisome and you know just anxious about things if I go there he really wants to avoid is that does not feel good to him and what was amazing amazing is if I had told him this he would have fought me on it what he said is it wow that is really scary because I think I mean I think I'm all abundance but look he's like so he thinks he lives in abundance he realized that scarcity ray avoiding your money why is he avoiding it? Because he's afraid that it's not going to look the way he wants it to look whether that's a million dollars and that's his rule of having a million dollars and has nine hundred ninety nine thousand whatever's rule it doesn't matter how much money but he doesn't want to look at it because he's afraid that's going to cause him pain and he wants just feel good all the time and then he's likes discounts right? He goes to he does like to shop. But it takes things back. He's, not just like court, you know, hoarding all the all the materials and things like that that he buys. He actually wants to take him back and, like, save money and he's, always looking for deals. And he told you about his shoes that he got so excited, he got it at the thrift store, right? So that's. Great, because he saves money, but again, this is more scarcity. Now. We don't want to live in scarcity, so as a couple, we're like, okay, here, here's our life, right, these air, this is me. This is him. What's that dynamic like, how is that affecting us? I don't want I need to focus on what's important to me. Go after what I'm really good at, and stop falling all these opportunities. I need to continue to be more in abundance and not in scarcity. And, yes, continue to say that's, cool, invest all that that's. Great, but make sure I don't feel anxious and worried about and my husband making sure that he's he's on the same page, and I'm gonna talk in a sec about the money rolls. So write down your your rate yourself, right on your numbers. Take a deep breath, because I know this is like, oh, what am I would have? I would, um, I feel like I have to get it right. So just take a deep breath, sit up, sit up in your chair, show them how to do it, ladies. Okay I shake it off a little bit and just get close enough and if you don't have the numbers and just say what you know just feel it out like what do I think who do I think I'm most like well I it's funny because I'm also considering who I was before I met my husband and how I was living my life right how I'm living my life now because of my husband and now I'm living my life because of my husband and because I have a business so I'm a little all over the place because yeah okay so what I'd like to point out is what you said about because of my husband write that one down because that um that that pattern of language we're gonna go all into your language patterns trick that's really good but that pattern of language is putting you instead at at choice it's putting you at like it happens to me uh doesn't make sense so if you use different language and you said well since I've been with my husband like or the dynamic between us considering the dynamic between us like I feel like I might be different but that's a different that's a different statement that because of my husband cause then you could just say so because of my husband I'm like a I'm totally broke because of right well I mean I don't mean I don't mean in a negative way yeah I actually mean in a positive way because before I met my husband I was living in scarcity I was living like chief chip okay so you're saying because of my husband okay got it I got it cool so also I would still just challenge you for that to which is awesome but because I want you to be like you to be in total choice so it is because it might be because of the influence you said that as well my husband has been a huge influence on my beliefs that's really really good so that's awesome to recognize and to appreciate him but I want you to see it in yourself and appreciate it in yourself like maybe because of the impact you know he's made on me I have chosen to be more focused on abundant so continue I just wanted to clarify that both sides yeah sure well this's just interesting just so what what do you like gut I can tell you what I think you are but I want you to tell me what's your gut who are you come on who I am now it's been through if sally more spendthrift sally than I was interesting and who is secondary chip chip interesting okay see that goes to show like I don't know it's your choice because I based and I don't know you very well sure based on what I was going to guess can I tell you, maria I was going to guess you're avoid her out, uh, cause I don't think you wanted to deal with it and like it when you're dealing with it here, but it seems like it's a challenge to deal with it with your your husband. Yeah, I'm that, like, you don't really wanna mitt, but maybe you'd you're ready like your look, you want a cat crying, ok, yeah, so that's, that's, awesome, that's really, really cool, because I don't even know what you are. You know you, I don't know you, and I'm only guessing that's. Why, I don't put it on people. So what do you think? You who do you think you are, erica avoider, al, and spend thrift, store your border out first, okay, awesome.