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Segment 13 - Fuel your Willpower

We have all why andi we then have the beliefs of what could be stopping us and we're not going to ruminate on them was going we've got an awareness now right so that we can catch them and just hear them we go okay? I am not my thoughts thank you for visiting goodbye move on and then I came up with this wood it's so weird I wanna have these thoughts I yell out pineapple I don't know I think there's a professional name for like redirecting with something no other word half works well for me it's a pineapple and I start laughing and all those crazy thoughts go away so that's not research based but pineapple works and when in doubt just say pineapple thank you all so very much for sharing. So now we know we have we have these goals right and there's nothing running in maybe even between now and the next time I'm going I want to change that they change as many times as you want. It just helps give you tal boundary to able to be in the moment there's no perfect goal setting and in this club ...

anyway so so we have our dream and what is the difference between being a dreamer and living our dreams and I just I just loved it for many of us before we have to know what the why no dream is just a dream. Unless you can put action steps behind it. And oftentimes the biggest thing that separates us between what we want to do, what we should be doing, what we like to dio is that word, willpower and roy by meister is like one of the little thought leaders on willpower. And he says improving willpower is the surest way to a battle life. But I don't want you, but most of us think we either have limited willpower, low willpower. Hi willpower. You know, those people that just seems able to do anything they want to do, and but low willpower is not a character floor. We do have limited resource, and I think it really helps toe look at the research behind what is willpower. How do we use it up? How could we maybe make space to use less of it on the people? And research is showing that people that actually do have will power, and they use it in the appropriate areas of their life, are happier, healthier, wealthier on wife. The good news is that always for us to manage all willpower on this, some of this was I never thought about it before I always applied willpower to one part of my life, diet and exercise I really you know I made choices throughout my day or drag on facebook do I go on twitter I still face with jo I check my mail do I check my phone jo I'm not not realizing that every choice I have to make uses up willpower so will power the definitions are the ability to delay gratification resisting short term temptations some wheat long term goals so some of that is that what things do you take out of our life right now to reach our long term calls some of that might require willpower recognizing beliefs and changing that the capacity to override on unwanted thought feeling thought feeling or impulse not just impulses conscious regulation off the self by herself it's not always an easy one and there's actually self regulation is we're going to invite you later to dio strength of character strength tests and self regulation is one of those strength and gets her mind popped up twenty four of twenty for that and also to do what's right and good for us in the long run not what we want to do right now and we're in a world of right now I want it now want it faster you know so it's how does it'll come into play and we tend to have like emotional systems that go into place when we don't take power off the path have more willpower we moved from like our cool thinking system are reflective place versus our hot emotional reactive place that's when willpower tends to go out of the window and research is showing and I'm seeing some news research that will power is is kind of a limited resource you kind of it runs out and there's nothing wrong with that I was showing that you know, his I never realized I think's really powerful there's one will power well there's not one for food there's not one for working out there's not one for do I check my email there's one for how do I manage my thoughts? It's one pool of willpower and everything drains from the same thing, so every moment I'm using my willpower to not go on facebook again to check my status update that adjusted I'm using willpower because that has now become a bad habit wish before facebook that was never invented I never had to worry about so social media could be really a positive but can also be something that drains our willpower will power is just like a muscle, it gets fatigued from overuse so every time we're going on to check our email teo, whatever it is we're using up all willpower and we use willpower on the smallest of details smallest choices what I'm going to exercise a day, what I'm going to eat right today and again it's a character strength and it can be it can be approved improved upon but also having low will power does not is not a reflection of your character as we're going how can we help work all willpower to enable us to have the willingness to do the action steps that we need to do to get to these amazing goals we could stand the service of others kelly mcgonigal she has written the book the willpower instinct she breaks will power will power up into three three segments I thought this fast mannix is really cool I will power I'll do the things I really don't want to do because I know it's going to help me I won't power I won't do this because I know it's going to be a detriment is my restraint and then I want power keeping that big goal in mind to stop me doing for what I want in my life that's what I want right now makes sense that helped me asking myself what do you want mohr than what you want right now? Well now it's getting ready for creative live I went on facebook a lot less because I never wanna facebook lie I know, but I had my my willingness to want to be here do the research and do my best work gave me the willpower to not go on facebook but that was also using up willpower that I could have used somewhere else so how do we change that out I love these studies you probably know of them won was called the marshmallow studies that forty years ago poor children were so mean pretties poor children through marshmallow tests for research but forty years ago he's poor little young by five year olds are brought into a room and given marshmallows on the thing is that you can eat you know the researchers in that shows if you wait till I come back in the room you get to eat two marshmallows but if you can't wait till I come back in you can ring the pal but you only get to read eat one marshmallow I mean that's just mean but the research showed it which kids have willingness to like hold on for that bigger award not what I want right now but what I really want to go to marshmallows first it was like I just can't have this I take one more shot right now whatever on what they did it was really interesting they went back forty years later and found fifty nine of the same people and the willpower all the willingness power those kids had showed it five was the same forty years later kind of interesting at the same level the willpower there's also another great study by roy baumeister wishes just mean and I know how to get in the radish group they had a room filled with beautiful, freshly baked cookies and I could have smells coming out right on this is and how mean I was going to be? I was trying to get a bowl of freshly baked cookies to put them there, so these poor, beautiful creatures hasn't smelled on the whole time, but just I mean so there's, a plate of freshly baked cookies and plate of radishes, and the researcher came in and half the control group said, you can eat the radishes, but you can't touch the cookies. On the other control. We said eight as many cookies as you want. I know how to get the rather scoop I just my my luck and then what happened after that being psych held in this room forever, right? With with with strange I won't power, or I will I won't power. I can have it. They would then asked to do a pretty challenging geometrical test based on shapes, and they're given thirty minutes to do it. Which group do you think gave up first radish group? They tell you why in a moment the radish group gave up after eight minutes, where's, the cookie group gave up after nineteen minutes. The reason being the radish group has used up all their willpower, not eating the cookies. So this is what was so fascinating many times you don't associate all the time. They're turning ourselves not to do something, not to check facebook, not to check that the texting ended our boyfriend, texas, back all these things in our life. It uses that willpower and willpower can get depleted. So other things in your life right now on this, you can look into your book. I think I have it on page. Where is this one? Oh, yeah, on page six. It's really interesting to notice what is the pleading your willpower? Well, because we need to be aware of what drains our willpower well, because if we're going to reach the goals so we could stand in service of others, what drains us without us even noticing a big one for me, I hate to say it social media, because every time I go on that I'm spending will pack. I know I shouldn't be going on there, that's, my biggest one. What what things do you have to constantly remind yourself of off not to do? Moving for me when I was moving from my numbers I would need willpower to get up and go on move because I was like it's something I know I should be doing versus I wanted to be doing and that's a very big difference I used to use that more willpower when I really didn't want to be doing it and now I move from a mood and this is a completely true I used up much less it takes much less willpower for me to get up and go because I'm my my driver behind it is such a positive I just know I'm gonna feel better afterwards do you guys have anything that you know drains you well it could be things like even power of conversation power of energy sometimes when we're just like twenty some days you get this conversation that can eternal bit negative and you just need to use that willpower I choose not to get involved in this I choose not to add fuel to the flames here it's interesting what things can use up our willpower without us even thinking about it because many times has got nothing to do with food or exercise and then sometimes it does have a lot to it through their exercise yes so this is going to sound absolutely crazy but the building I live in has been under construction for three years and I have been without my beautiful balcony for three years so I have to use a lot of willpower not to let that annoy me, but I choose to try and make it positive, but there are times I really just want to scream it somewhat. Yeah, but it's not gonna help anything, so but that does every day when I wake up and see that it's like, yeah, yeah, and that's the hard one you when you're doing your space, your home has been disrupted. I've seen it is pretty disruptive, but the fact that the more you could breathe into that and find, you know, graduate, why I'm going to have a balcony one day, go on, then know that you don't stay in that too long that it could be interesting what things usable willpower I'm gonna go ahead having to have a conversation that's, unpleasant conversation, you know, when you have to take care of something business wise that you is really something you don't want, teo yeah, on dh then you can tell that just to push yourself through that as soon as you're done it's like, now, give me some chocolate or something because I like it used up all the willpower to get through a critical conversation, yeah, and they also don't know what happened to the moment also that chocolate is kind of a reward to get to get through that so depending on what the situation while something I think chuck is not a bad habit as a little reward from stressful conversations as long it's not every day have at it I'm sorry I'm a chocolate girl I find that I started my day I want to eat healthy and I'm it's no problem whatsoever and by the end of a long day I want ice cream and chocolate it's actually true because odd day we have guess what? We have more willpower and so towards the end of the day we can manage it is not our will power runs out but it's kind of tanker's getting all and so it kind of self regulates itself so how can we change those habits up? We'll talk about that in a moment but know that we do have more willpower of the days just like a gas engine and so things that use up your willpower could be a stressful conversation it could be your balcony you want to make sure that high power decisions that you need to make try and not put them right after a stressful situation because bad decision making often happens when your will power is low so if you know you have important business meeting one way, it actually help elevate that willpower is to feel bad about yourself so you know you have important business meaning go for a walk before that business trying to put something positive in their versus moving from a stressful conversation is depleted your willpower going toe conversation are a meaning that really needs all of your focus on d also shown that I will power actually use a fuel source that uses up glucose so we wanted why diets don't work because will pal, we need shut up I'm taking you out of my body and that's just I mean so I'm not going I'm not giving you permission to go out and run and do chocolate I'm not saying don't do it either but also recognized you need to eat small meals throughout the day. One of the worst things you could do for your willpower is not having breakfast, so they're always I help up, you know, keep this tank full on recognizing that a positive outlook on life actually could help us kind of the gate the negatives that come from the draining the willpower a good move can actually good mood can actually overcome some off the will power depletion so after that comes from having to exercise self control. The adult human brain makes up two percent of the body, but it consumes more than twenty percent of the energy and desires are the norm you know, desires everyday desires other nor but they also use up willpower and again the the king ofthe willpower research did a study recently in germany of two hundred men and women on what he didn't give them beepers and at random times they went off in the day and they would have to check in like yes, I'm just I'm desiring something I'm resisting attempt a desire I'm resisting or acting upon a desire right now I'm thinking about a desire, thinking, resisting all take willpower on what he found is that basically four hours off today are spent resisting desires I don't how much willpower that's using up now desires are like urge to eat sleep break from take a break from work email sex, social media surfing the web now the good news is that people are really good at avoiding the sleep in the sex on the job so they managed to resist those desires just I'm just giving you the facts that's all but with the other temptations they kind of gave into them fifty percent of the time but I think that we don't often know or take into account the willpower on facebook let's talk about that from our conversation yesterday when you're on they're looking at other people shiny bits, the willpower it takes for us not to use that comparison to focus on their story that's using up willpower so as you get tired willpower doesn't disappear just begins to conserve itself so if you're gonna go on facebook on first thing in the day and when you need your willpower, stay off there and again the nice thing is, if you exercise willpower in one area of your life, it tends to have a trickle effect so for me, if I'm able to, like, have more willingness not teo check my social major all the time on my email on my phone just practice that habit it actually trickles into other areas are life so fine think about an area where you could really you if you applied more willingness of power to that area, it could help move you towards your goal. For me, it again is being offline because ofthe time online I'm not doing the work I need to be doing to be able to be of service in the world, you know, sometimes I need to be on there doing research and, you know, cheering other people on absolutely that many times I'm gonna hear a lot watching creative locked these days learning so much for someone was amazing professionals all around the world getting my business in order through creative life back every time I'm on there watching someone else's world, I'm not living my world so it's just being aware of matt against same willpower same well is used for all tasks it's just what pulls us and then stress is another form off desires desires the body sees desires a stretch so when we're designing something the body doesn't recognize it is a desire per se just see this as a stress so we're stressed in one area of our lives our cravings go up so it's one of the best ways to help willpower is manage our stress number one takeaway for will power how we can get more willpower or managed the will let's not let's rephrase that not get more willpower but managed the willpower y'all ready have wisely is toe look at how we manage our stress it was always stressed we go into that hot thinking st there's no real research to know when our willpower is down but when you those moments when you feel like everything on your life is kind of like heightens like this a spotlight on your emotions like everything just a little bit more easy to get angry or little bit shorter on that's when your willpower is moving into its reserve tank it's again it's not a judgment this is recognizing it is and that if we manage our stress well our willpower well we'll be able to manage itself a little better so how do we build willpower? We rain we re framed our thoughts instead of punishing yourself if you make a hot choice like you go for the cookie just reflect on it and no next time, okay? If I stepped back and took power off the pause. I might be able to move into a cool state and make a better choice. Punishment is not a motivation for change doesn't work. They'll work for me I got obvious what he had minimized obstacles if his cookies is the problem still have them in the house if facebook is a problem, I actually get take my aim at my wireless off my computer so I can't go on so much more focused I just take the distraction out of out of play then I had to use my willpower it's just not there. Good night's sleep. John was talking about the importance of sleep not just with your mood, but with willpower. Sleep is hugely important. Those old stew of his old posters you can sleep when you're dead, you know you'll be dead if you don't see so ignore that, ignore those, sign it, eat a healthy breakfast, get happy and then also believe that you have this willpower well is going to be unlimited reserve for you that's showing that the power of what we believe about willpower actually effects how much willpower we have. So if people are led to believe that they have a limited resource off willpower, what what are thoughts they take it on israel? So they often have less willpower the people that are led to believe by a questionnaire or what they read that there have no limited resource guess what they tend to have more will power the power of belief, the power about thoughts and again it's a whole reflection of where we place our thoughts, our focus, our attention, the what the power of the question, what we choose to focus upon and this comes into also willpower growth mindset versus fixed mindset what do we believe we can change with our willpower? Do we believe we can actually? What do we believe about ourselves? This is research done by carol dweck I think in two thousand five from stanford university and this mindset affects our willpower and our goals it's how we believe intelligence I know if I'm not good enough well that's just who I am my I'm born with this is who I am bored with and that's that's my fixed mindset but a growth mindset be well intelligence I could look and I could go online I could read books I could improve I might not know everything now but I can learn what I need to know fixed mindset we tend to avoid challenges we think the outcome is the definition of who we are growth mindset we embraced embraced challenges because we recognize that it's through challenge we grow that with every challenge have a new chance to grow maybe we fail sometimes also we have more success is growth mindsets just see encounters opportunities on fixed mindset tend to see them as threats again, your brain doesn't know the difference between a threat of a thought and what's really fixed mindset sees effort well it's fruitless because this is who I am growth mindset sees effort as a path to mastery huge difference we're talking about willpower and gold setting and then chris I don't like positive feedback would be ignored just negative if it's a fixed mindset and then what can I learn from this positive feedback and the success of others? None of us feel threatened because you know if we got a growth mindset because there's plenty of room for everyone I can learn by celebrate other people's success is fixed mindset fear best based thinking nothing's going to change this is who I am this is my life and so just being aware of what our mindset is, we kind of can move in and out of these or maybe you know, if someone that you know, if we hit a roadblock we make a mistake growth mindset was like, oh my gosh well, next time I would do this and I can prove upon that fix my sounds like I'm useless I'm stupid I should have done this anyway tiny little voices make huge shifts, and whether we choose to move forward, power of choice, how we choose to interpret our setbacks again, failure is how we succeed. We learned to growth while failures, so a growth mindset doesn't see failure, as the end just seems as though I could have done it differently this way. It's. Amazing. Oftentimes, we don't know that we jump in and out of these voices, and one way to get out of the fixed mindset is okay. Is that really true, kind of, like approach it with question with appreciative curiosity, it's not really true, that I'm just not smart, or whose voice is that let's, take a growth mindset to that, yeah, all right, and then the only power twitch man should aspire. Is that what she exercises upon itself? Believe it to be true, and you meet yourself there.